| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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I find myself wanting my exhusband back, even though he left me 2 years ago and has a fiance!
Q. my husband left me over 2 years ago because of a midlife crises,he has been so so nasty to me,he is still living with his parents but does have a girl friend 13 years younger than him self and they are seemingly engaged and planning to marry next ...
A. 10 March 2011: Every sign here points to him having moved on. There really isn't anything you can do. And even if there was, I wouldn't suggest it because I think you'd be mad to go back.
You appear to be struggling to accept that your marriage is over, and perh... (read in full...)
A man tells me not to text after I text him that I love him...
Q. I'm sexually invloved w a neighbor for several yrs. I finally verbally admitted I care and love him and He must know it . I stroke his ego via text alot to make him feel confident.So I sent him a text yesterday telling him ...
A. 10 March 2011: When you tell a man you love him, and all he can say is "I'm in a meeting - don't text. You are annoying" - the time has come for you to move on.
It's become clear that you are this man's plaything and prop, rather than anything else. You say a lo... (read in full...)
Who is she leading on?
Q. Recently my girlfriend and I moved in together but things haven't been so great. The reason being that I love herewith all my heart, and she assures me that she wants to be with me as well. Although she does have feelings for a close friend of hers, ...
A. 10 March 2011: She's leading you both on to be honest.
She's moved in with you, tells you she loves you, 'assures' you and all that - yet she regularly tells this other guy she likes him too.
I wouldn't ever accept that. It is not okay for her to be acting t... (read in full...)
Can memories of the past make me feel something again?
Q. So here's my story: I met my first love after 8 years. He was in town and he wanted to catch up. I've been dating someone for over a year now and we are going strong. Since i am over my 1st love...i thought it was ok to meet him. I met hi...
A. 9 March 2011: Well, then he's the first love. In which case, realistically the advice still stands. ... (read in full...)
I feel like a ghost and my life has been swallowed up by being married, living my wife's dream
Q. I am in my mid-40's, successful, have a pretty wife, 3 kids - but it feels like I am living someone else's dream, not mine. It seems to me that many, perhaps most, of the men in my situation, at least whom I know are in the same boat. We are living ...
A. 9 March 2011: Honestly? Show her this post and see what she has to say. She needs to know how you're feeling. This is as good as any place to start. ... (read in full...)
Intense urge to have extra-marital affairs!!
Q. I don't have a great history with females. I have lacked confidence and have only had a sexual relationship with one woman. So far, I feel like I have missed out on this aspect of life. However, for the first time in my life, I feel more confident ...
A. 9 March 2011: You cheat, here's what will happen:
Your wife will divorce you and clean you out (4 kids = 25% of pay packet roughly, and that doesn't include maintenance or house etc).
Your kids will find out, and hate you. Worse, your wife will be in a position... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is still visiting prostitutes - help!
Q. My boyfriend of 5 years is still visiting prostitutes despite us both going to counselling and him promising it is in the past. He left his email open recently and I saw a contact in there which was written on a piece of paper last year.... ...
A. 9 March 2011: I bet you'd leave if you found out he'd given you HIV!
Like the others say, get away from this creep, or he'll give you something that will wreck your body one way or another.... (read in full...)
Why would he give permission to sleep with another man if he loved me?
Q. I feel totally stuck in a rut situation. My relationship broke down recently, we were together 7 yrs on and off with him going between 2 homes mine and his mums, he is 42 and his mum 72. We parted at xmas and have recently starting getting along ...
A. 9 March 2011: 7 years on and off? I should say you've wasted enough time on this man. ... (read in full...)
Can memories of the past make me feel something again?
Q. So here's my story: I met my first love after 8 years. He was in town and he wanted to catch up. I've been dating someone for over a year now and we are going strong. Since i am over my 1st love...i thought it was ok to meet him. I met hi...
A. 9 March 2011: I've never really been a person for going back to ex's, for the reasons you mentioned really.
1 - Your boyfriend is feeling insecure, and realistically most people would if their partners suddenly did this.
2 - There is a very high chance y... (read in full...)
How to create an emotional bond with a man? (need advice from the guys, please)
Q. How does a woman create an emotional bond with a guy? For women, we'd want to be kind, thoughtful and generous. I hear that those things can be a turn off to a guy, so how are emotional bonds created?...
A. 9 March 2011: If you watch how men bond, we specifically bond when doing something practical. We don't sit around chatting, we go play sport, we go out for a drink etc. We do something. That's how men bond.
If you're looking to create an emotional bond, then... (read in full...)
My b/f knows I'm falling for my boss. Should I tell my boss?
Q. Ok so I am 19 years old and currently married to my partner whom I love but I have started to fall for my boss who is 20 years older than me and he has a girlfriend I am really upset about all of this i do not want to hurt my partner.. He already ...
A. 9 March 2011: No. That will make it worse for you, him, his girlfriend and your boyfriend. Instead, focus on your marriage. ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend broke up then texted me saying "I hope you get over me soon"
Q. Why did my ex boyfriend text me this? please help? ? ? ? My boyfriend of 5months suddenly tells me he doesn't want a relationship cos he got so used to the single life before we got together and he might cheat on me if we stay together, he doesn...
A. 9 March 2011: That's probably the best reply to be honest. Just make sure you never take him back again! ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend wants us to stay in different rooms for a month!
Q. my girlfriend turned round to me as i was about to get into bed last night and said she wanted us to stay in different rooms and not have sex for a month so she can work herself out and that it wont be a problem if i love her. Someone tell me how i ...
A. 9 March 2011: I'm nearly always, always suspicious of someone when they say:
"If you love me, you'll do this for me"
It's a classic sign that either something is wrong, or that they're controlling.
Basically, she's hiding something. I don't know what. Maybe ... (read in full...)
Do I have to have a father's name to claim single parent benefits?
Q. I recently gave birth to my daughter, and I am confused as to who is the father of my child. However, I'm only 18 so I will be claiming single parent benefits and I was wondering if you had to have a fathers name to be eligible for this claim? I ...
A. 9 March 2011: I would recommend going here:
http://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/
Make an appointment to see someone, and they will be able to give you free advice on all of the issues above.
I'm pretty sure that you'll be able to claim benefit without th... (read in full...)
Sex, I seem to really want it...
Q. I'm a virgin, and I've been with my boyfriend for a while. And alot of the time when I think about him. I just think, that I really want to lose my virginity to him. And I havn't really done much sexually. I've only gave him one handjob and hes ...
A. 8 March 2011: @Capri - Definitely 16 in the UK... (read in full...)
Why does he date me but yet still go to online dating all the time?
Q. Dear All, I need your advice here, as I really can't work this guy out. I met a lovely guy online 6months ago, (he's 45, I'm 41yrs, we are both single, he never been married, me divorced, was married a long time ago)we chatted for about a mont...
A. 8 March 2011: He'll probably keep on using women the way he does now. And sadly, he probably will see another women quickly from that site. I suspect he was using the old "better keep her around just in case" ploy, rather than let you go. ... (read in full...)
Ex tells me not to become the town bicycle. Why does he care who I date?
Q. I've just split up with my partner. We have kids together. He is living in our other house. He is constantly asking me if I'm dating and asks me "please don't become the town bicycle". We've only been split up a month. It's not really his business ...
A. 8 March 2011: Your reply makes it even more clear really. He's clearly a control freak. You should probably get a job and find a great new boyfriend who isn't off his trolley! Enjoy the rest of your life. Oh, and also remember to clean him out whilst you're at ... (read in full...)
Sex, I seem to really want it...
Q. I'm a virgin, and I've been with my boyfriend for a while. And alot of the time when I think about him. I just think, that I really want to lose my virginity to him. And I havn't really done much sexually. I've only gave him one handjob and hes ...
A. 8 March 2011: Don't do it before you're 16 - that'll make him a sex offender, and guess who has to sign the register. Wait. ... (read in full...)
How important is the first love to a man when it is years over?
Q. To men,how important is the first love to a man when it is years over? Does your first love still have a special place in your heart? If you have dated her for 4-5 years,do you still think of her at some point in your life even if you have a new ...
A. 8 March 2011: I remember her. That's all. ... (read in full...)
Wife has banned her husband from talking to me!
Q. There is this married man who has a huge crush on me. Everybody knows it. He used to see me everyday and we would talk within our group of friends and sometimes on our own. I have been told by other friends that his wife did not like that he had a ...
A. 8 March 2011: To male anonymous:
He's not running with it. That's the point. That's how you know he's committed. He might have the crush, but he's done nothing at all. No one even really knows whether he does have a crush. There's a rumour, and that's it.
An... (read in full...)
Why does he date me but yet still go to online dating all the time?
Q. Dear All, I need your advice here, as I really can't work this guy out. I met a lovely guy online 6months ago, (he's 45, I'm 41yrs, we are both single, he never been married, me divorced, was married a long time ago)we chatted for about a mont...
A. 7 March 2011: First of all, please don't think all men do this. We don't. We're not all that full of ourselves, and it would be a terrible judgement to think we're all out to use women.
The only type of man that does this is the man you're with now. Sadly, he's... (read in full...)
Ex tells me not to become the town bicycle. Why does he care who I date?
Q. I've just split up with my partner. We have kids together. He is living in our other house. He is constantly asking me if I'm dating and asks me "please don't become the town bicycle". We've only been split up a month. It's not really his business ...
A. 7 March 2011: He doesn't care. Don't mistake this for some sort of feeling that he may have for you.
The truth is, he's quite enjoying the control he seemingly still has over you. He's trying to make sure you don't move on, because the idea of you moving on mean... (read in full...)
Drunken hookups are leading to unfulfilling sex
Q. Ive been sleeping with this guy (who's 21) for 2months now and it is almost always a drunken hook up and he has failed to stay hard throughout intercourse everytime. We always get halfway through sex before he goes soft. I asked him if it was me and ...
A. 7 March 2011: Stop him drinking. Booze is bad for erections, and that is no doubt causing his problem. It's not you at all. ... (read in full...)
Breakup with b/f has me worried he'll stick me with all the bills!
Q. I just broke up with my boyfriend and if that was stressful and worrying enough now some people around me are saying that he will prob leave me with all the bills. My ex had bad credit ratings so I use to get things out in my name which means that ...
A. 7 March 2011: I can imagine that you are very worried. This is something you and he need to talk about ASAP, because basically, if the debt is in your name, you will be the one paying for it.
Talk to him about it ASAP.
Also, please learn from this. Don't pu... (read in full...)
Should I just go for it and see how it works out or would it just be setting myself up for disaster???
Q. ok so i like this guy and he made it pretty obvious that he likes me but im not sure if hes a good person to have as a boyfriend. Hes really nice to me but with his best friend, who i know really well, a lot of times hes a huge perv and can be kind ...
A. 7 March 2011: This has disaster written all over it. Here's why:
Remember those other girls he went out with and hurt? Well, I bet he gave them loads of compliments, made them feel good and made them laugh too. And look at how that turned out. He ended up bein... (read in full...)
Is he holding onto my things because deep down he doesn't want to lose me???
Q. Please help as I'm in need of advice/answers (only from men please). Have been in 2 yr relationship with a disabled man. I love him, yet he always plays mind games. I don't mind this, as I know that he's very insecure; On new years day i rang to say ...
A. 7 March 2011: I'm sorry, but you're off the mark I'm afraid. This guy is no doubt very insecure because of his disability, but in no way does that give him the right to treat you like some piece of meat who'll come running.
My gut instinct, is that he feels inse... (read in full...)
I lied to him saying I was pregnant to see his reaction...
Q. I lied to my this boy I'm seeing that I'm pregnant with his baby after I took a test saying it was negative. When I told him he was upset and first thing he said was I'm booking the abortion. I've told him its already booked. I told him I was preg...
A. 7 March 2011: You're not evil. But you are in no way ready for any kind of relationship. You have played such a dangerous game with a teenage boy who, like the majority teenage boys, simply isn't ready for that kind of commitment. You yourself are not ready for ... (read in full...)
If this continues as an open relationship, how am I meant to keep my jealously at bay?
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been together a year and a half, have an active, what I would think as happy sex life, and we are.. well were, serious. Over the past few weeks, he became quite antsy with me, very blunt, snappy, not his usual self. I didn't...
A. 7 March 2011: Just get rid of him. Don't keep someone like this around. He has absolutely no respect, love of affection for you at all. All he wants is sex from as many women as possible. He is willing to put your sexual health at risk, and your happiness at risk ... (read in full...)
Is this an emotional affair?
Q. I need some advise desperately. I have been with my wife for almost 24 years and married 18. We've got 2 beautiful kids(6 and 11)We've had a good marriage for the vast majority of the time with some ups and downs. I lost my job recently and we ...
A. 7 March 2011: There are three very specific signs that she is having an affair of some sort here:
1 - All those sweet texts, saying that you were great, that she loved you, that she had been interested in making love.
2 - Her vile reaction towards you after th... (read in full...)
Does acting and looking like a boy mean that I'm a lesbian?
Q. Hi everyone, i have a problem. Both me and my friend had and it goes like this. Both me and my friend are tomboys. We love doing almost everything that boys would do. We are both homeschooled so we get picked on sometimes and sometimes public scho...
A. 7 March 2011: A lesbian is a woman that fancies another woman, and has no attraction towards men.
You're not a lesbian at all. You're just a tomboy, which is perfectly fine.
Try not to take notice of the public school students. They're just jealous that you... (read in full...)
I'm a pagan and he's a jehovas witness...can this work?
Q. hey, i'll try to keep this short. theres this guy i really fancy and we got on brilliantly, well we still do. but recently i found out he's a strict jehovas witness. for most people that wouldn't be a problem, they'd still try and ask him out anyw...
A. 7 March 2011: I hate to disappoint you here, but I don't think this will work. If he is a strict Jehovah's witness, then he probably would be outcast if he dated you. Pagans and J-Witnesses are hugely different really, and I think you'll find that there are too ... (read in full...)
She called me small after sex...should I be worried?
Q. I have never had complaints/worries about my size or performance in the past, but lately I've been feeling very insecure with my new lady. Sex seems great from my perspective, but the last week she called me small after sex. This comment came a c...
A. 7 March 2011: You're average sized, like most men. So you don't have anything really to worry about - other than this woman is a bit of a moron really. To be honest, I just wouldn't bother with a girl like that. Pretty useless really, to hurt you like that. ... (read in full...)
Do I stay with Martin or go back to Rob?
Q. Ok i am soooo confused! I dated Rob last year for 7 months. The relationship was good except for the fact he made me question his feelings towards me. I told him after 6 months i loved him and he responded with 'thats nice!' not the responce...
A. 7 March 2011: Neither:
Your heart is leading you to a man who sounds desperate, rather than really loving. Face facts here, Rob was a crap boyfriend. His response to you saying I love you was "that's nice"! He probably said the same thing to his mother too.
As... (read in full...)
How can he love his wife if he was cheating with me?
Q. Hope you can help me I had been seeing a married man i to am married we worked together thats how it started. We were seeing each other for 5 mths he was telling me how much he loved me and wanted to be with me and even said he would leave his ...
A. 7 March 2011: He could easily still love her. I'm afraid like a million other mistresses before you, you've mistaken the advances of a man who just wants sex as something more. There was never anything there, and the fact he has had other affairs proves that. In ... (read in full...)
I dumped him because I wanted more committment from him...but now I want him back!
Q. I dated a guy for about 7 months and he ended things about a month ago. I wanted more of a commitment from him and unfortunately he wasn't able to give it to me because he wanted to focus on his career. Now I really miss him and I want him back. ...
A. 7 March 2011: I'm with Dirtball - you need to move on. He can't offer you want you want anyway, and has made it clear that right now his priorities are elsewhere in his life. You need to move on. ... (read in full...)
Is it impossible to think I might be able to marry a virgin or at least a very inexperienced girl?
Q. Is marrying a non promiscuous girl a rarity in todays world. I am a virgin man looking to marry a virgin or someone with very little sexual experiences. Is there a possibility that this may happen or should I not care about this....
A. 6 March 2011: You'll find there are a lot of girls out there who are still virgins at your age. I heard the figure in the USA for girls in their late teens and up to mid 20's is roughly 30%, so they are out there. Just remember not to place too much emphasis... (read in full...)
We argue a lot, and I feel like I'm his slave! I don't want to leave him, but I need to know how I can make this relationship better. Please help!
Q. Hi everybody. Please advise me. I really need it. I'm afraid my future husband and I will be breaking apart. We have been together for 3.5 years. The first year went pretty good we had a bit of fight but not too big of a deal. But the past three ...
A. 4 March 2011: The problem is him. And you can't make 'him' any better. You just can't. He has made it clear that he's not prepared to change for you, he's making it clear that he sees you as someone who'll run around after him.
You say you can't leave him. I'm ... (read in full...)
I found out my boyfriend of 2 years was having a long distance relationship! Should I forgive him?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years and I just found out today that he's had a long distant relationship with another woman for the last year, so I wrote him an email to end our relationship. I found out by making a fake profile on a social ...
A. 4 March 2011: He cheated. It doesn't matter that she's in another country. What if he went to her? What if she came to him? The guy lied to you for a year, and if he was in an LDR with her, he has been cheating on you. He hasn't even apologized for God's sake! ... (read in full...)
Wife has banned her husband from talking to me!
Q. There is this married man who has a huge crush on me. Everybody knows it. He used to see me everyday and we would talk within our group of friends and sometimes on our own. I have been told by other friends that his wife did not like that he had a ...
A. 3 March 2011: My opinion is she did the right thing, and had the right to do it too. Will it work? If he respects his wife and loves her enough, he'll get over you with few problems at all. If he has no respect for her, then he'll go out of his way to come to ... (read in full...)
He's cheated on me, now what?
Q. My boyfriend is telling me he has practically cheated on me, and he told me the reason he was telling me because he didn't want me to get upset by hearing it from someone else but i wish he had never told me. When i see him i just can't get mad, so ...
A. 3 March 2011: No matter how much you love him, he will always just be the guy who cheated. And now he knows he can get away with it, he'll do it again. ... (read in full...)
I can't help but worry about an up coming stag do..
Q. Hey, I'd love some advice, especially from guy readers, on what really happens on stag nights. I've been with my bf for 5 months. Everything's going great, he's told me he loves me and that he's really happy we're together. We've planned a weekend ...
A. 3 March 2011: I've been on one stag night so far in my life - we went to the pub and watched a football game, because his fiance hated football and he was worried he wouldn't be able to watch it as much! That was it (except for a few drinks). We didn't go near ... (read in full...)
He's cheated on me, now what?
Q. My boyfriend is telling me he has practically cheated on me, and he told me the reason he was telling me because he didn't want me to get upset by hearing it from someone else but i wish he had never told me. When i see him i just can't get mad, so ...
A. 3 March 2011: I agree with The walkin' Dude.
You need to let this guy go, now. You're still young, and you'll find that there are far better guys out there. If you accept poor treatment from guys now, then they will all continue to treat you badly as long as ... (read in full...)
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