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I was deceived. If she's pregnant, what are my options?

Tagged as: Pregnancy, Sex, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (27 March 2011) 9 Answers - (Newest, 27 October 2011)
A male United Kingdom, anonymous writes:

Hello, thanks for readin, basically i met up with a girl a few weeks back who failed to tell me before she got back to mine after a party that she was allergic to latex, but told me she was infertile, so being a bit drunk and stupid i slept with her

The next weekend she came round unexpectedly by which point i was getting worried about not using protection and spoke to her about it, then she assured me 'her insides where ruined' and that an ex boyfriend had kicked her in the stomach and she had been told by a doctor she couldnt conceive, this was about 5-6 weeks ago maybe more now, and she text me saying she has to go in for an ultra sound

now as far as im concerned its her body its up to her what she does, and she's said shes in no situation to look after a kid, to which i said id go with her to whatever she needs to go if she wanted me too, which she didnt. But say she does keep it to which i wont go against, can she force me to pay child support considering from my POV i was a bit deceived? obviously by that i mean forced child support id never let my own child go without the essentials and good living conditions, but i DONT want to be giving her money because i wouldnt trust her to spend it all on the kid. I'd go to court if i had to but i dont know how child support works if anyone could give me some advice id appreciate it

thanks

View related questions: conceive, drunk, money, text

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (27 October 2011):

So_Very_Confused agony auntunless you have PROOF a woman you don't know is infertile you should never trust her word...even if she truly believes she is (my friend did) she may still not be. she is now finally pregnant for the first time after 15 years of unprotected sex with her husband....

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A reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2011):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Also learned shes pretty messed up in the head so all the infertile stuff was bs shes had like 2 or 3 abortions. Messed up girl.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2011):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Sorry for late replys people have had alot on my plate, turns out she was just very late for her period. thank god.

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A male reader, The Realist Canada +, writes (28 March 2011):

The Realist agony auntI totally agree with caring guy. The first thing I would if she ever came to you saying she was pregnant is that you want a DNA test on the child. Don't give her anything until you know for sure it is yours because she may even try to get as much as possible out of you before the child is born.

The thing about being decieved is that it would hold s for something in court if you could prove it and not just have your word against hers and even then it could just be some miracle child.

My advice to you, and it does sound harsh but you really have to think about you here is to not really have anything to do with this girl unless she needs your DNA for comparison. There is no reason for you to be talking to her because it happens that when a girl gets pregnant and doesn't know who the father is she has the ability to try to get any guy that she was with to pay.

Just a side note too, next time a girl tells you that don't trust her on that one. I have almost 9 years of martial arts experience and I don't think I could deliver a kick to anyone to make them infertile (not that I would). I'm just skeptical that maybe she was looking to you for a way out if she was pregnant by another guy.

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A female reader, cupidlover89 United States +, writes (28 March 2011):

No, first you need to confirm that she really is pregnant! It sounds like she is crazy. Make sure it is really true offer to go to the doctors appointment, or have her take that test with you there. If it is true opt for a dna test before anything. Unfortantly men have no power over a situation like that. In the future do not accept any excuses made by women saying they are infertile. There is a very small percentage of women who have been kicked in their stomach's and are infertile as a result. What does that havr to do with a uterus?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2011):

Yes she can legally force you to pay child support if it is your child, even if she deceived you. Get a DNA test done. Forget about having any kind of relationship with the child it will just mean a lot of heartache for you.

She has options and you have responsibilities.

So much for it being a Man's world eh?

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom +, writes (27 March 2011):

The first thing you need to do is get a DNA test whenever it's possible. Don't pay a penny until you know that there is a child and it's yours.

If it is, well, that pretty much seals it. You'll have to pay and that covers it. Speak to a solicitor though, because it might be that you can have a court order making her show receipts and such so you know where the money is actually going.

So 1 - get a DNA test. 2 - Get a solicitor.

Pretty much covers it.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States +, writes (27 March 2011):

Honeypie agony auntYes, she can "force" you to pay child support. In the eyes of the law you fathered a child, so you are responsible for it, at least financially.

In your case it sounds a little like entrapment, but legally I don't think there is anything you can do.

Lesson in all this. If you don't want children always use protection, if they have all kind of excuses as to why NOT to use them, don't have sex.

She had an US at 7 weeks? That is early. Usually you are able to monitor the heartbeat at around 8 weeks and you can't see much of anything at 7 weeks. I guess prenatal care is different in the UK.

If I were you, I would demand a paternity test once the child is born and go from there.

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A female reader, person12345 United States +, writes (27 March 2011):

person12345 agony auntDid she lie about it or did she honestly think she couldn't and by the most terrible luck ever, somehow got pregnant? There's nothing you can do legally if she decides to have it and have you pay child support. Your best bet would be trying to talk to her about giving it up for adoption if she won't get an abortion.

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