A
male
age
41-50,
*arn
writes:In 2008 my fiancee had a boob job, which wasn't my idea but she paid for it herself.She is quite tall and has a great body so although she went up to a DD she did carry it off well. She attracted a lot of attention, and has done glamour modelling occasionally over that time but although she gained a hell of a lot of confidence our relationship (putting aside my obvious jealousy issues) remained good.In December she changed agents and in Jan this year she told me she was going to have a second boob job to go even bigger, and she is booked to have them done next week.I just don't know how to feel about this? Her new agent is well known in the glamour and, more worryingly, the porn industries and the second boob job will give her what many people would class as the 'porn look'.
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confidence, fiance, jealous, porn Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2011): It takes a certain type of girl to want to become a porn star, and it takes a certain type of man to want to be a porn agent, so they are both very suited to each other.
A
female
reader, maverick494  +, writes (19 April 2011):
Thanks for the follow up once again OP. You know, this is going to sound cliche, but I think this is for the best. Besides, if you're naive than she is as well: I doubt her relationship with her agent is healthy by any means. He got her all tangled up in his web, even got her as far as to mutilate her body beyond proportion. In a small decade she will be replaced by younger girls and then she'll wonder why she was so stupid to fall for it. Atleast now she's not going to drag you down with her.
Don't beat yourself up for not seeing it. I think you did see it coming in the back of your head (you posted here, didn't you?) but I think you were frozen, not ready in your heart to listen to what your gut feeling was trying to tell you. It happens to the best of us. We all want to give the other the benefit of the doubt. That's what makes us human.
The truth is she isn't the person you fell in love with anymore so even if you stayed together she would have been lost to you (and herself).
I'm really sorry you had to go through this. If you want to chat or get it off your chest, feel free to PM me.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2011): It's a very sad end for you but it was clear from your posts she had moved on and was starting a new phase in her and career.It's not surprising news about her relationship with her agent changing from client to 'lovers'. You have to remember that she willingly handed herself over to him to become a porn star and she accepted his offer for a second big boob job. She wants to be owned by him - harsh but incredibly true.I'm certainly not sticking up for her, i'm merely giving my observations on what has happened. He has got himself an eager porn star who is smitten with him and she has got herself a guy who will progress her career and who she is physically attracted to. The only outcome was they would end up together.Chin up
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A
male
reader, barn +, writes (19 April 2011):
barn is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShe ended the relationship last night.
I mentioned in my last post that i havent been seeing much of her, and she has been with her agent a lot. Well yesterday i rang her mobile and her agent answered and said she was busy and she would call me back. She came home last night and she told me she was moving down to London for her career.
She told me she felt we had grown apart and it would be best for both of us if we split.
I repeatedly asked her was it because of her agent and she kept telling me to leave it and eventually she admitted that they were now together and she would be living with him in London.
Most of the people in the world probably saw all of this coming, accept little old naive me. She admitted she had had feelings for him for a while but since her second boob job she had grown closer to him and it progressed quickly. She was with him for the past week or so but couldnt bring herself to tell me.
I came back today and her stuff has already been moved out.
Thanks to everyone who spent the time to reply.
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A
male
reader, GRIFF TANNEN +, writes (19 April 2011):
 "They do look out of place, yes."
"They are big"
"I dont know how to feel about everything"
Mate what the hell is wrong with you?! The sun is shining and YOU have this gem who wants to marry YOU. It just amazes me how ungrateful you're being.
I think it's time for you to wake up out of all this moping and sulking and realize the dream girl you have waiting for you!!!
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A
male
reader, barn +, writes (18 April 2011):
barn is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi Maverick,
They do look out of place, yes. They are big, but i suppose without pics to show on here then im sure your idea of how they look is probably accurate.
I dont know how to feel about everything, it all feels very surreal to be honest.
Now she is up and about and recovered quickly there is a definite change with her, not so much with her attitude to me but i can tell that within herself she feels different. That might sound vague, but i know what i mean its just hard to convey with words.
I havent seen much of her in the past week,shes been with her agent a lot.
I need to have a think about everything.
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (12 April 2011):
Thank you for keeping us up-to-date OP. Sorry I didn't reply to your last follow up. To be honest I didn't really know what to add other that I feel sorry for the situation you're in.
Okay, so she's obviously happy with her new rack. But how about YOU?
How do you feel about her FF/G cup? To be honest I've never seen boobs that big in real life, not unless they belonged to a grossly overweight woman/whale. I recon they might look very out of place on a slim figure.
What are you planning to do?
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A
male
reader, barn +, writes (12 April 2011):
barn is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMy fiancee had her operation last Thursday.Obviously she is still recovering, but she has gone up to a FF/G cup. She loves the results.I will provide an update on our situation in the coming week/s. Thanks once again to those that has spent their time replying.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2011): So she has had the 2nd boob then now (it was meant to be last week sometime)? - You have never informed us how nig she has actually gone up to??
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2011): ..........The books closed on whether or not she is sleeping with her agent / lover / new boyfriend (deltete as applicable) lol
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2011): WOW, she really must be in to her agent for her to allow him to pay for boob job - This is not a good situation.She has decided to be a porn star!!!!And added to that it's a fair shout to say she is either sleeping with her agent or if she isn't already then after the boob job she will be doing so.He now owns her, and it appears she wants to be owned by him. He will push her hard to make as much money as he can out of her and I'm afraid to tell you OP, this is what she wants.Not good news for you - The fiancee you once knew is now another girl.
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female
reader, smiliek  +, writes (6 April 2011):
 most guys wouldn't wanna marry a porn star. Seriously. This girl wants to share herself with hundreds if not thousands of other men. Thats not marriage material. She's prob already sleeping with that director dude i'm sorry to say op. Unless you can live with your gf sleeping with many many other ppl i'd leave now. I don't think she's thinking of you at all. She's not caring if your relationship continues or not. So why should you? Find another attractive girl (there's plenty around) who really does want to be with only you
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2011): "It feels like a nightmare."Come on, are you insane? Do you have any idea how lucky you are?!?! I mean how many of us guys would ever get the chance to marry a real porn star!? I'm sorry but I think you are looking at this from the wrong angle. Why can't you see the positive aspects of this? This girl who is obviously very attractive wants to marry you, yes you and not her agent or anyone else.If you marry this girl, you will be at the envy of every hot blooded male on the planet!
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A
male
reader, barn +, writes (4 April 2011):
barn is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi Maverick494,
Thank you ever so much for the time you have spent replying to the update i provided.
Things came to a head yesterday. She informed me that tommorrow she is doing her first porn mag photoshoot, which will form part of a 'before and after' shoot for a mag to show her body with her first boob job and the results of the new bigger boobs.
It turns out that her agent has paid for her boob job this week, she finally admitted this to me after i questioned how much the boob job was costing. He has paid for the full procedure.
She seems to have willingly handed herself over to him to be turned into a porn queen, like his little plaything or experiment. By allowing him to pay for her new boobs in return for an exclusivity contract he now effectively owns her doesn't he?
She doesnt seem the bit concerned about this, and all she said before she went out was he is a very generous guy and it was too good of an opportunity for her to turn down.
It feels like a nightmare.
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (2 April 2011):
Thanks again for the follow up OP. You sound like a really nice and caring person and I wish I had a more positive reply for you.
The fact she decided to agree signing exclusively to her agent AFTER learning what he's about doesn't bode too well, especially since he's also the one who planted the boob job idea into her head. She's already wrapped up in the industry's way of thinking and has already admitted she wants to be a porn model.
"All she said was the immediate plan was to raise her profile in the industry in the mags and on the web and then they will take it from there."
I'm sorry to say this but it doesn't sound good. She's basically saying she isn't a porn actress YET. Raising your profile in that industry creates the expectation that you will be starring in videos soon. Compare it to a hollywood actress getting press and editorials in mags. This always happens when there's a movie or series coming up.
It comes down to this: she is going to cross the line (or maybe she has already crossed it because being a porn model means atleast posing without covering up your breasts. Basically random consumers are going to see what should be reserved for you.)
The thing that worries me the most is that she probably would have just gone ahead with all of this without informing you if you hadn't asked. She doesn't seem particularly concerned about how you feel about this.
It's not in my place to tell you what you should do now, but I advise you not to be the bystander. Try to get things from your perspective through to her. Get your boundaries straight and do not let her cross them.
If anything can stop this trainwreck from happening it's a man who doesn't stand down and doesn't get swept up in what she's in the middle of. Because make no mistake, the path she's headed on will lead to the porn industry in all it's facets. Keep your dignity. If she can't be stopped, ask yourself if this is the future you want.
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A
male
reader, barn +, writes (1 April 2011):
barn is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMorning Maverick,
Thankyou for your thoughtful post.
I have this morning asked my fiancee to have an honest chat with me about what is going on with her -
She met her agent over twelve months ago whilst out in a club and he asked her to become his client then but she declined because she didnt know too much of him.
Over the proceeding months they kept in contact and she found out more about him and found he was very well known in the porn and glamour industries and having had a meeting with him in Nov of last year decided to sign exclusively with him in December.
She has admitted that signing with him has played the biggest role in her decision to get another boob job and go so big, but stressed to me she has thought about it and it is what she wants.
Following the boob job next week he is getting her work modelling in porn mags and on websites and she told me she sees herself as being a porn model going forward rather than in glamour.
I asked her to be very honest with what she means by porn model and if it means she will also be starring in porn films. All she said was the immediate plan was to raise her profile in the industry in the mags and on the web and then they will take it from there.
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (31 March 2011):
Thank you for the follow up OP. The following is long, but some food for thought. I'm not purposely trying to make your fiancee look bad, but just writing down what I thought when I read your posts.
From what you've written it doesn't seem like she considered the risks much at all. Also the vague reply (not specifying the reasons why or the amount of time she spent considering it) seem strange to me.
She sounds like a woman who is slowly losing herself to the superficiality of the industry. This is not strange as she is young and constantly surrounded by people from that world. Continued exposure to that way of thinking probably heavily influences her. She's not thinking about the future (she has none, age is her biggest enemy there) she's thinking about now.
She's dressing up sexily and going to questionable parties with questionable people. To me that sounds like the attitude of a single woman wowed by the the idea of a big career, exclusive parties and nothing to lose. It doesn't sound like someone about to commit permanently to someone.
Some questions for you:
- How does she act towards you? Still loving and passionate, or...?
- Does she tell you what goes down at these parties?
- How much does she include you in her life and with it the decisions?
I had a couple of friends who modeled (fashion though, not glamour) and once they started to make a career for themselves their personalities changed very quickly. It's all about looks and people scrutinizing you. They became very insecure and one of them started getting all these procedures done in order to live up to the impossible standard. (a nosejob, botox, anti cellulite treatments, hair relaxer for her curly hair, etc. all before she reached the age of 24.)
What I'm trying to say is that if a person is not grounded to begin with (the fact her first boob job boosted her confidence indicates that she was dealing with insecurity) the modeling industry, especially the sexually orientated one, can suck a person right in. And what finally emerges is a often a shadow of what they once were.
Try to make her aware of this. You really need to have a good talk to her. This is not just about her career but about the future of you two as husband and wife. She needs to re-establish a connection with the real world. If she can't, if she's blind to all of that, then maybe the woman you fell in love with is not the woman she has become, like CaringGuy said.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (31 March 2011):
The question you need to ask yourself is whether this is the woman you fell in love with, or whether she has changed and you are merely in love with a memory.
Is this woman the one you want to be with, or is she becoming someone you don't want to be with?
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A
male
reader, barn +, writes (31 March 2011):
barn is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the replies already to my post,
to answer some of the questions raised in the replies -
She is paying for the second boob job, and up until her telling me in Jan she was booked in to have them done she has never mentioned wanting to go bigger.
I raised my concerns about the health complications and asked her why she wanted to go bigger and she told me she had been thinking about it and now was the right time for her to do it.
I have seen a change in her recently, she is certainly dressing alot more sexy all of the time and she has been spending more time in the gym and has become even more toned.
My hours in my job changed in Feb, so im not always at home at weekends, and i know she has been spending time with her agent and his clients at parties he throws.
The porn issue is not something i have asked her about, maybe subconsciously i have been avoiding it, but i do need to ask her whether the bigger boobs is connected to porn or hopefully not.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2011): maverick494 makes some excellent points in their reply to your problem.In my opinion, i believe the agent has bent her ear and convinced her to get another boob job. As maverick put, there is a fine line between glamour and the porn industries and it appears at first hand that your fiancee wants to cross that line.Why does she want to go even bigger???? Clearly there is a major reason behind this.The lure of money can turn people's heads and it seems she has had her head turned with the offer of being a porn star.
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (31 March 2011):
First off, you say she paid for the first boobjob herself. Are you saying you're co-financing the second? If that's the case, the first thing you need to do is tell her you're not going to pay someone to mutilate her body.
Secondly, DD is more than enough. Bigger is not always better and almost always leads to fake looking boobs. She will be a parody of herself if she goes ahead with it. Who planted this idea into her head? Why did she plan she surgery so rashly? This is not something to be taken lightly, as there are all kinds of health risks involved.
Lastly, the line between glamour modeling and the porn industry is easy to cross, where she's at. Her agent will let her spend time at her boundaries and once she gets comfortable, the line has shifted. It happens all the time, especially to those who don't expect it to happen to them.
I think it's time to let her know your boundaries. Tell her it's her body and her career but that it would hurt you very much if she went along with it because aside from the health risks, it is unnecessary career wise to do this. Plenty of successful girls in the glamour modeling world have smaller boobs than she has now. Also tell her your worries about the path her career is headed. As her fiancee you have the right to be upset about this when her career is in such a sex orientated business.
If she wants to go ahead anyway, consider carefully whether you want to have her as your wife. Do not let her walk over you in order not to lose her because in the end you will yourself as well as her. You both need to be comfortable with eachother in order for marriage to work.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2011): Hey there is nothing wrong with the porn look! I love women who look like porn stars.Mate you should be proud and not worried at all!
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2011): It doesn't sound good to be honest and she may well have an agenda behind her decision to go even bigger so soon after changing agents to one who is in the porn industry.Models with oversized boobs and slim bodies are not normally in the glamour trade, they are in porn - hence the term 'porn look' as you referred to in your post.Of course, it may just be coincidental.Have you noticed a change in her recently? Has she ever mentioned wanting another boob job to you prior to her announcement?
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (31 March 2011):
 No one here can tell you how to feel about this, but I can understand why you might be anxious. The problem with the glamour modelling business is that you are always in competition with other people - younger, bigger breasted, thinner or whatever the trend of the day happens to be. I think you should focus on her overall well-being and health issues. Many women (and men) get addicted to cosmetic surgery and the ethics in the cosmetic surgery business are not always fantastic. Apart from the risks from initial surgery, there are long term health risks from this procedure. I think you should encourage her to think about 'why' she is doing this. If it is really for her then there is little you will be able to do about it. If she is doing it because she has further modelling aspirations then you need to suggest that she sees a therapist who deals with body dysmorphia issues. She should be 100% confident that she is doing this for the right reason (if in fact there is ever a 'right reason' as that is a matter of opinion). It could be the start of a slippery slope where she starts thinking about having other procedures done in the quest for 'happiness' that can never be achieved. Cosmetically enhanced women maybe the current trend in her area of work but it might not be the case in 10/20 years time when she will probably be considered too old for this type of work anyway. Rather than approaching the problem emotionally with her, suggest that she reviews her decision carefully and thinks of the long term health implications. This procedure does not come without risks of infection/ blood clots, a bad back, scar tissue, stretch marks, bacterial growth/ leakage from the implants etc.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2011): If this boob job is to enhance her career I would just make sure she is not tempted to go down the 'porn' road. Glamour modelling is fine but I'm sure anything beyond that will probably be unacceptable to you. I would make it clear how you feel and your concerns. If she is perfect to you now and getting enough modelling work, why go in for further surgery.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2011): It must be awful to feel threatened by the prospect of porn work from this new agency but hopefully she will not go there. I think all you can do is talk to her but the temptation will be there for her to make a lot of money.
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