A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:wife confesses one night stand while on trip with her girlfriends. she says she has told me all there is to tell but won't tell me guys name. whats up with that?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2011): No, you shouldn't just let it go, unless you want a divorce, or unless you simply don't care.
The point is, "do you want to know his name". If you want to know his name, where he works, how tall, color of hair, shoe size, etc, etc, then you deserve to know if she knows.
If she doesn't know, then that's a different matter.
By refusing to give you the information you request, then you are being denied information that will help you make decisions on your marriage. It is nothing more than a control issue. She gives up more and more control if you know the friends names, the guys name, etc.
A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (24 March 2011):
 It's really up to her if she wants to file charges for this or not, or take it up with the resort. You just need to support her decision and do your best to work on your relationship with her.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for the advice. since i posted the 1st question she has told me more. She felt like she could not leave until she did at least some of the things he wanted. she said he kept insisting on more and kinkier acts. she finally felt had to take some action which was to very loudly resist. he then saw the deal was over. sould i just let it go?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2011): Well!!
the reason she is not telling you the guys name because she is afraid you will know who it is ?? Means the guys is someone who is already known between you two ( you & ur wife)
There is an old saying that "Women & Climbing Plant" always falls to the one who ever is most close.
In my view it was all pre-planned by her to meet her secret lover by making excuse of trip with her friends.
that what woman is good at - Lie.
Leave her who knows how many times she had been doing it and work out why this happened ? if it is coz of u then confront her and if it is coz of her then just dispose her away.
don't care.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (24 March 2011):
 No.Knowing the name would not help.
The guy may be a morally reproachable type, for going after married women, but the fact still remains that it was an act of consensual sex. Your wife was not raped, she gave her consent.
He may have tried his best to persuade her, so ? It's not a crime. Maybe you tried your best too to persuade her to marry you- you can't be prosecuted for that.
I agree that the very last thing you have to worry about is knowing the guy's name.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (24 March 2011):
He's not a perv. If he was, then it would have been rape. It wasn't.
What happened was, your wife made a choice - a choice that she would cheat with another man. She could didn't have to do it, she could have left, she could have screamed her head off. If she felt that badly, it could have been reported. None of that happened, because your wife knows as well as I do that she cheated.
Yes, he probably does do it with other single and married women - because they all make an active choice to do it with him.
You don't need to know a thing about him. He is totally irrelevant. What remains relevant, is that your wife is still a cheat, and that is all that needs your attention.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyou guys are right on. but she said that she felt forced to stay until he got his way. the guy works at a resort out of the country and might be doing this to married or single girls. Just in case he is some kinda of perv don't you think i need to find out a little bit more?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2011): Because she isn't ready to give it all up, the ONS is still more important than the marriage. This is a bad sign that you have a lot more to learn about your wife and her friends and her activities.
She hasn't told you everything, if you know the name you will have a lot more questions and a lot more answers, and you won't have to just get them from her.
Information control is frequently a key aspect in these things. People who get involved frequently lie about details for months, even years, even when telling the truth just gets it over with better for both sides.
She's hiding more than his name, she's hiding a lot more.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2011): It probably means it's someone you already know and associate with. If all mutually know this man, then telling you his name would pretty much blow up a whole circle of friends.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2011): Hi
Look at it this way....if your wife only had a ONE night stand while on holiday...HE can not have been that good or interesting, because it was once...:)
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (23 March 2011):
Believe me, his name really is the last thing to worry about. Be worried more about the fact that she cheated in the first place.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (23 March 2011):
Maybe she doesn't know, doesn't remember, or is afraid of what you might do if you find out.
What would knowing his name change? How would it help?
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