A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been having a lot of commitment issues ever since me and my last boyfriend split up last July. I'm not sure if I'm settling for whats available and realizing it after it's too late and I break the poor kid's heart, or if I am just super picky and have an underlying reason of why i'm breaking it with these suitors. Come to think of it I have only had that one serious relationship which lasted 2 years (it was a pretty hostile relationship too) but I have had plenty of flings, it always ends up with the guy being broken hearted with me. It mainly stinks sometimes because I get friendships confused with lovers. I will have a flirty relationship with a friend and then think oh hey maybe this could work and it doesn't. This time I'm particulary worried about a current afair I have going on. It is between me and a pretty good friend I met earlier this year. We were good friends in a group of quite a few of us. Now it's mainly us two who have been meeting up, he lives a great distance from me and has been driving down 6 hours to where I live to visit. He has made this trip before we started "dating" but it is different now because when he visits now it is really just to see me. I have planned to go up there but I have had recent issues with the law and work all the time and couldn't take off. I don't want to make him come down here anymore because I have realized too deep into this that I am his friend, I can't think of him anymore than that, frankly he grosses me out. but I really don't want to hurt him and want to maintain friends. I'm thinking I'm going to have to make a trip up there and just wait till I can to tell him. It would seem only fair seeing as he has came down here 3 times to visit and only for a short weekends by himself. I made the mistake of telling him I loved him, which I do, but not in the same way he loves me. I screw with guys heads way too much!
View related questions:
flirt, split up Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (9 November 2010):
I also think you're confusing friends with lovers. I'm not sure how ready you are for dating, and I'm also not sure you're looking for men in the right places. I had a friend who was like you, and she'd cycled through many of my other friends. Even tried me, but I wouldn't fall for it. She only really found a guy when she was looking away from her friends.
I think first of all you need to just stop with all guys, and really focus on your own life. Decide what you want from it. Sit down and look at where you want to go with your life. Look at your hobbies, your career/studying and such. And make a plan.
Secondly, look carefully at why you go out with friends. Is it because they're just there? Is it because you don't like to be alone? Is it because you're too choosy. Sit down and really think about why you go out with guys and then do this.
Finally, make a new pact with your own mind. NO DATING FRIENDS ANYMORE. Instead, when you're looking for a guy to date, go and find a totally new guy who is what you want. Don't just look at your friends, who you know ultimately aren't right for you.
And as for the guy you're seeing now, you'd do better to dump him now rather than wait around. He'll only fall for you more, and it will make it harder on him. And that's not fair. Get it over and done with.
|
