A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:When is it love and when is it an obsession?My boyfriend texts me up to 200 times a day (sometimes less although I think he does this because he is bored).He calls me first thing in the morning when he is still in bed.When he is at work, he can be on the phone for up to an hour at a time 4 or 5 times a night.If we argue he will keep calling or will turn up at my house until he gets a response.If my phone battery dies or I divert calls, he sends blank texts with a delivery report to check if my phone is switched on or off. If the text is delivered,the he knows it is on and if it doesn't he knows it is off.If I don't answer my mobile he calls the house phone.One day I fell asleep whilst he was out working. He said he knew I was asleep but he still called me 8 times and sent text messages every few hours.He's left work in the middle of the day to be with me.If I'm on a night out with friends or with work he texts me all evening but if I'm with family he leaves me alone.On the other hand, he never tells me who I should be friends with or what to wear. He's never been abusive, he is always loving, kind and generous. He trusts me with his phone, money etc.I'm confused. What do you think?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2010): Use a bit of psychology on him. Let him know you don't like this behavior and if it persists you will only back off. When he goes insane checking up on you then be cold towards him, and when he gets the point and backs off a little to a reasonable point in your books then be warmer towards him so he feels that this is what he should to to make u feel comfortable. Make sure you explain to him what's going on though otherwise he just thinks youre playing hot and cold for no reason.
A
male
reader, Griffo  +, writes (8 November 2010):
 It's really hard to define what obsession is because one persons obsession could be greater than anothers it also depends on the individual who feels that someone is obsession over him/her.
In your case, I think it has more to do with your boyfriends confidence. He seems to have trust issues with you being out with your friends. And if he had enough confidence in you being out he would be able to trust you more. The most probable reasons why he text and calls so much is likley because he does not want to get hurt. So he keeps himself on your mind all the time except when you are with you family, because he knows there is no potential threat of another love interest creeping up on him.
If you like, you can sit him down and have a conversation about how the constant testing and phone calls are becoming somewhat annoying and you can't concentrate on your work. Let him know that he has nothing to worry about. Assure him of this and it should build confidence in him allowing him to trust you. It will take some time but if you just do this it should work. Make sure you are sturn and stron when you tell him this.
Cheers.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (8 November 2010):
He's truly obsessed and controlling, and to be honest this would scare the hell out of me. But he's controlling in a way that he never has to tell you what you wear, or what friends to be with. Instead, he just calls you, texts you, whatever. You never have the chance to do much else. I mean seriously, a delivery report?
I admire you very much for taking this. You must care about him a lot. But this is serious. Because at the moment, while you live apart, it's just the calls and texts. What if you move in together? It can only get worse.
You need to talk to him about this. You really do. And you also need to think about the relationship. This behaviour could spiral further and further out of control.
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