A
female
age
30-35,
*ope Lane
writes:I've been getting to know this guy for about 7 months now..were not in a commited relationship, we are just dating. However latley he's has not been calling me as often or showing me the sweet affection I'm use to. I'm big on communication, so I spoke to him a few days ago on it and basically told him like I need you to show me more that you want me in your life and just show more action because actions speak louder than words. Well lately I have not seen much improvement, he still contacts me, but he doesn't make the extra effort that I've been asking for. So my question is should I ignore him for awhile so that he can realize how much I matter to him, or just continue to wait to see if he'll make an extra effort. As of now I do not initiate a lot of things because I want him to work for me, normally he texts me first..but it's so impersonal and short. At this point I have already told him to show me more twice..I don't want to continue to repeat myself especially if he is not making attempts. If he continues to not show me what I've been asking for, should I go ahead and start to keep busy and ignore him? What do you think? Thanks!
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (9 November 2010):
I've often wondered where women get this idea from. Ignoring a man won't make him come running, if he wasn't willing to run in the first place. Also, you're no longer contacting him. You're waiting for him to come to you. So you seem to be happy to tell him what to do, then sit back and wait for him to change miraculously. You need to be working together.
This is the way he communicates. You can't take someone who texts short and impersonally and expect them to suddenly open up in all sorts of ways. You especially can't expect him to do it now that you're not contacting him. And now you think by ignoring him he will suddenly make a show.
Do you know what he will think?
He will think "I've tried to get better. She's not understanding. Now she's not contacting me, and she's ignoring me. So she's not interested."
When you have a problem as a couple, it's something you discuss as a couple. you don't suddenly stop contact. You don't ignore.
He is making attempts. That's why he contacts you. I'm just not sure what your expectations are. I don't think he knows either, because all you say is 'I want you to show me you love me more", but then you stop contact and think of ignoring him.
Seems to me that maybe you two just shouldn't be together at all.
A
male
reader, hiro06 +, writes (9 November 2010):
Have you every read "He is Just Not That Into You" or watched the movie. Well, its a good book I read it(dont hate me fellow men into female psychology a lot). Well, its just like the title suggest he is not that into you. Any real guys thats into a women will always find time to be with that girl and vise-versa unless he is playing hard to get but normally girl plays that role. Well, if you really want him here is what you do call him up be like hey ******** I dont think you want a serious relationship like I do(or whatever type of relationship you want to have) and say I'm not going to be with someone who isnt able to put time in like I'm in a relationship, so I would like to remain friends. Guys hate to be put in the friend's zone and send a txt to him acted like its from another guys like "yea john I would love to have lunch fri". If he likes you will get jealous and call you right after you send it. If anytime he does call or txt. Return his calls and txt a 3-5 later but call him only when you want to speak with him. Its basic psychology that we want what we cant have to play that to your advantage. Like when you parent told you you couldnt have a toy and you cried until you got your way same rules apply. If he doesnt start calling you more or giving you more attention after that then he really isnt that into you sorry its the truth.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (9 November 2010):
 Well you can try ignoring him if you like, but I'm with strontium on this one... I don't think it'll get you the result that you're hoping for. You may just have to accept that the level of attention you're getting from him is all you're likely to get. You two may just not be all that compatible together and if you NEED more attention in a relationship then it may be time to move on...
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