A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years so far, and to the outsider we look perfect together. We get little disagreements like all couples and we have an amazing sex life but I can't stay committed to him. Throughout those 3 years I have left him twice for another guy. I ended up going back to him because he plays a whole guilt trip on me, saying that I am the only one he has and how depressed he would be without me. I feel I only love him as a friend, and I do love him but not the way I should. Not only that but I am 18 now and he just turned 20 and is talking about marriage. I don't even want to think about marriage! I just want to have fun and live my life. But whenever I try to have 'the talk' with him he starts crying and makes me feel sorry for him.I really don't know what to do, I am so confused. I don't want to hurt him but I know I will crush him if I leave him. I just want to know an outsiders advice on this.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2010): The longer this goes on the more crushed he will be, yes he is going to be completely heart broken by you leaving but you can't stay with him just because he makes you feel guilty. You need to live life for you not for other people-by making him happy you are making your own life worse.
You need to be strong and yes he will cry but there is no easy way to break up. Every break up hurts. Tell him that he's a great guy but just not the one you want to be with. You've been with him since you were young and its natural for people to change as they get older.
If I were you I would be brave and say that you are so sorry to have to cause him the pain and hurt that he will feel once you're gone but you can't live your life unhappy just to keep him happy. Its no ones fault this has happened but your relationship has had its time.
Good Luck-I hope you can take some advice from my message its just what I'd do and be feeling in your position x
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (8 November 2010):
To be honest, I don't think you really want to be with him at all. From what you're saying, you've never really loved him as more than a friend. The problem here is that you're not being tough. I think you're scared maybe of hurting him and losing him as a friend. But that is what needs to happen here. You need to get on and dump him, and be prepared to lose contact. That's the price of this. In many ways, this shows you both up. It shows you as someone who isn't prepared to do what needs to be done. But, more worryingly, it shows him as a man who is willing to manipulate you using emotional blackmail to get what he wants. A guy who loves you wouldn't do that. A guy who is perhaps obsessed and has problems would. And I think he has a few problems.
So, this is your moment to stop up and get on with it. Stop being to kind and easily manipulated, and realize that this guy isn't treating you all that well. Meet him in a public place (a cafe), and have a friend nearby who can take you away if you start to waver. Sit him down, tell him clearly that it's over, and end contact and leave. You need to do this. You will hurt him, he will start the guilt tripping, he will turn on the tears. But this time, you MUST NOT give in. You're losing your youth to a guy who you don't love enough to be with, and who doesn't respect you enough to understand he can't emotionally blackmail you.
Dumping him is the only option. Do it.
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