A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey, just a quick question, is confidence really important to guys? Cause i've heard that guys are more attracted to confident girls, but im really shy and I haven't had a boyfriend in ages. How can i be more confident around guys? And is confidence more important than looks and personality? Can i have advice from guys please, if you don't mind :) Thanks
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female
reader, americanpatriot  +, writes (16 November 2010):
 The good guys are attracted to confident women. On the other hand, the bad ones, the abusive and controlling ones, are attracted to the less confident women because they can break them and train them into what they want them to be.
You can fake confidence. Just try it a few times a day. Pretend you're an actress or a politician. Pretty soon it will become natural, and when you see what it can do for you, how it opens doors, you will want to do it all the time.
I used to be so shy it was almost crippling. I was made fun of by guys even, but then at seventeen I got a job at a restaurant. I made sandwiches for a while, but then the boss said he was going to put me to working the cash register. I begged and protested his decision, but he told me I didn't have a choice. I was petrified, but I learned a lot from it.
Your tone of voice is very important. Make it upbeat and people, including the cute guys, will like you for it.
By the way, soon after I became a cashier, guys were coming to the restaurant and flirting with me. It was a complete turn-around.
A
male
reader, wolfred bane  +, writes (12 November 2010):
 confidence is important, but that does not mean guys won't make passes at shy gals. personally though i feel better if the girl is confident.update soon
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (9 November 2010):
 As long as you don't confuse "strong and confident" with "difficult and bitchy," then yes, it's important to us. No guy wants to spend all day reassuring his girlfriend that's she's perfect when she won't listen.
Besides which, there's just a way a confident girl walks that does it for me. They stand up straighter and look happier.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (9 November 2010):
 I know I am not male but all my friends are male so I have a pretty good idea of what they think, plus I am now 23 and fairly well experienced when it comes to the world of dating and attracting men!
I think confidence in women needs to be split into 2 areas:
1. Confidence BEFORE you have met a guy i.e. being confident when attracting men
2. Confidence in a relationship and generally in yourself.
So I will talk about this in the 2 areas as mentioned above.
If you want to be more confident to attract guys, then really it is all about how you hold yourself and how you behave. In this situation, confidence actually becomes part of the way you look to a guy. So this means standing tall with your shoulders back (not slouched or hunched), head up and looking around the room or at who you are talking to (rather than head down looking at the floor). Look like you are having a good time, even if you are not. Smiling, laughing and happy girls show men that you are confident and are generally a happy person. No shuffling around or fiddling with things (this could be playing with your hair, picking at something...all those nervous, shy behaviours where you keep your hands occupied). Make eye contact - this is key. It might seem a bit embarassing at first, but if you see a guy you like, then look him in the eye, hold his glance for a few seconds, then look away (not down, but away at something else). If a girl gives a man "the look" i.e holds his gaze then he knows a) she is confident enough to single out a guy she likes and b) she is interested. Then repeat this behaviour a couple more times and throw a smile in there after you have determined that he is looking at you too (hence he is interested).
This might help - imagine 2 women walking down the street.
Woman A is swinging her hips as she walks, looking straight ahead, with a slight flick in her hair as she walks, she really owns the pavement, walks with her shoulders back and looks like she is walking with purpose.
Woman B is shuffling along the street, too shy or nervous to look at anyone she passes, she is looking down at the floor, twiddling with a tassle on her coat.
See the difference - I think it is obvious what is going to be more attractive to a man. Plus you can see how it affects the way you look - I have not mentioned anything about what either woman is wearing or what she looks like, but you automatically presume woman A is more attractive just because of the way she moves.
So confidence comes from within you, it is a belief that yes, you are attractive, that yes, you can get a boyfriend, and yes you are a great person. It is all about the way you carry yourself and the confidence that radiates out from within you.
As for confidence within a relationship - it is pretty much like all the other answers have said. Being shy is not a bad thing in a relationship, many guys will think it is cute and attractive that you are not over-condfident and arrogant. But in order to get the guy in the first place, you need that little bit of confidence just to get him interested.
I really dont think you can separate looks and personality from confidence - it creates both of them. As I have explained before, confidence has a huge impact on the way you look so I think they go hand in hand. Just as confidence affects personality - if you are a confident person you are generally a happy, fun and motivated person. Just like if you lack confidence and are insecure then you will be difficult to get to know better, you will lack trust in people and you wont be particularly good fun to be around. So honestly, I think all 3 factors combined are very important to guys - you cannot single one element out and say that is the most important.
Like with looks - of course they are important, but have a priority when you first meet someone and this lessens as you get to know them better. The initial spark you feel with someone is mostly based on looks - if you are attracted to them, if you physically feel something for them. Then as you start dating or a relationship, then personality takes priority for a while. There is no point in being incredibly attractive if you are boring and un-intelligent, no man wants a woman who he cant have a good conversation with and who doesnt make him laugh. And then confidence comes in at all points through that phase - e.g. having the confidence in yourself to tell him a silly story that makes you look a bit silly but it is a funny strory. Or having the confidence to wear that dress that is a bit daring but highlights all the best bits of you, and that sets his pulse racing.
As horrible and big-headed as this sounds, ever since the age of 16 I have been fighting men off rather than ever struggling or looking for a boyfriend. I think this is down to a few reasons, but one of them is that I am confident but in no way arrogant about it, and I am often quite self deprecating (being able to poke fun at yourself basically) and I do not care what other people think of me. I have my own style in the way I dress that I stick to, I am happy with my body (yes I would like to be thinner but wouldnt we all!) and I am happy with my life. I think men like the attitude that I have, where I am very secure about myself but still have the ability to make fun of myself and never take myself too seriously.
There is a balance between confidence and arrogance, and as a former shy girl myself, it is easy to find a good middle ground, it just takes a bit of practice and growing up also helps. When I was your age I was only just finding my feet with men and dating, and now aged 23 I have far more confidence than I ever did back then. So try your best to take on some of the tips I have mentioned, and just accept that you are still a teenager so confidence is hard to come by when your hormones are still all over the place - take comfort that your inner confidence will grow with time.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (9 November 2010):
It's pretty important, to be honest. But being shy doesn't necessarily mean you lack confidence. See, most guys understand that a girl can be shy. We'll let that slide in the hope you will open up. And if you become more at easy, you'll naturally open up.
What men mean by a lack of confidence, is when we're past the dating part and you're closed, or you're phoning all the time because you're insecure, or constantly accusing us of cheating, or not making suggestions and such.
You being shy isn't bad. You just need to make sure you have some things to talk about (hobbies and such), questions to ask and then you'll be able to meet the right guy. Being shy isn't bad. It's when you're underconfident and insecure within a relationship that is serious.
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A
male
reader, Kenj +, writes (9 November 2010):
 It depends on the guy. For myself I like a girl to have some confidence, but not overdone.
I do make exceptions for a girl being shy in the beginning because I am like that myself. I open up more as time goes on.
Conversation is a great way to build confidence as well of having some idea of what you want out of a relationship.
Dont let the guy come up with all the suggestions to go on dates etc... have your own ideas / views.
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A
male
reader, LovelessAct1 +, writes (9 November 2010):
Confidence is very important, but this does not mean condescending or obnoxious. Simply being proud of the things you do, the person you are, and especially how you look are very attractive qualities.
I, personally, have trouble standing someone who constantly complains about their body/looks. Its much more captivating if the woman is happy with who she is on the inside and out.
Don't worry about being shy :) Just show that you're happy with yourself. That will shine through your shyness and turn into confidence :)
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