A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I am a 40yr old lady, my partner is 28yrs old he is kurdish from Iraq. We have been together for 4yrs and living together as a couple for 3yrs. Last week i came home from work and he told me he was going back to kurdistan to marry his cousin who was married before but her husband had died. I am deeply hurt and feel used and wanted to hear if anybody else has had this done to them. thankyou
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (4 November 2010):
I am 100% sure that you are not the only woman to go through this. There seems to be a rise in women in Britain marrying men or dating men from questionable backgrounds abroad, or being used by the same type of men. You're not even the only one on this site. There are other women who have asked about this sort of thing before. Some are even in denial about it.
I think the best thing you can do is just sit down and look at your own life and see what has happened and what you can do to avoid it happening again. I'm sure you feel used and hurt, but you mustn't sit there crying over this guy. He's not worth the trouble or pain. Send him packing, spend some time getting over him, focusing on work, doing something you've always wanted to. Then, when you're ready, you'll meet a guy who can offer you a lot more.
A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (4 November 2010):
 Im so sorry this is happening to you. Importantly it highlights what happens in relationships when cultures clash. Your partner is probably duty bound to return and marry as this is usual for that part of the world.
Of course if his feelings for you are such that he is having second thoughts about ending things then it may be worth a shot and letting him know how badly this is affecting you.
You can learn a lot from an experience such as this and move on to better things or a deeper understanding of relationships in general.
AE x
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A
female
reader, seonagh +, writes (4 November 2010):
I'm sure he hasnt used you he is from a different culture where religious beliefs are different from ours and maybe he has reasons you dont understant for making this choice. It makes it no less painfull but maybe if you understood his reasons you could better cope with his choise.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2010): you have been used. When he gets back to England he will also want to resume sexual relations with you. His obligation to his family is far more important to him, than you ever will be to him. Please use it as a lesson to learn. The British High Commission will be able to confirm that what has happened to you is common.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2010): What an awful situation! I feel for you. Your heart must be broken. Do you think he's telling you the truth? This could be a cultural obligation, but I have to wonder if he's just using that an an excuse to get out of the relationship with you.
Since he's only 28, he'd probably like to start a family. He must have never taken his relationship with you seriously and had no intention of committing to you. So, yes, whether he's telling you the truth about marrying the cousin or not, he used you for his own benefit without regard for your feelings.
I know it's hard for you to accept right now, but it's best to have a man like that out of your life. You can do so much better.
I'm very sorry for your pain. I wish I had something to say to ease your sorrow.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2010): You have to remember that his culture is much different than ours. Duty to family overrules love. My husband is from Morocco. He is a rebel because he married for love.
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