A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have recently started having really strong feelings about my ex sister in laws ex partner he feels the same way about me.We both have children that are cousins and im wondering is this ok for us to b in a relationship in the future.We are not related of course and wouldn't let the children see us together untill we knew we were serious about our feelings.Please help!
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cousin, my ex, sister in law Reply to this Question
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male
reader, The Realist  +, writes (29 January 2011):
 I do beleive that it will cause pain to the children but in the end your pain from lost love can harm the children even more. Also if they do catch wind of this later it will be worse.
In the end you have to follow your heart and at least you do know that he would be a good dad to your children. It's still such a messy situation but I really think that the children when the see you happy they will understand.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMe and this guy have been very unhappy for a very long time and also believe that we are soulmates its hard to explain feelings don't wanna miss the chance of happiness also dont want to hurt our children.My kids are 9 and 5 his kids are 8 and 2.We have talked about seeing how things go for at least 6 months before even thinking of telling the children please help i have fallen for him and him for me!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (27 January 2011):
This would most definitely cause confusion and pain for the children, no matter how old they were. Even if they were in their twenties etc, there would be some resentment. The cousins would become confused as to who were the parents, what was happening, and they would not appreciate knowing their other parent had been pushed aside. It could even look like an affair was happening.
I'm sure you to are attracted to each other. But if you got together, this could cause major pain and confusion for everyone, and if it then broke down, even more problems.
It's never really a good thing to move through family members.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2011): keeping it all in the family NOT GOOD
rubbing your sexual relationship in your ex hbs face and his sisters face: ouch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Confusion for the kids and hurt for the adults. Is this the only man you want to be with? very uncomfortable and although you may not want to admit it, boundaries were crossed.
LoveGirl
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A
male
reader, The Realist +, writes (27 January 2011):
This would make for a slightly awkward situation in the family but I don't think it would harm the children in any way. They may be a bit confused depending on their age. If they like each other then they may like the idea that they would be closer together. If the feelings are there then I would follow your heart and explain each step along the way to your children so they are not confused about anything that is going on.
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