A
female
age
41-50,
*uly
writes:Please Help! My Boyfriend caught another guy in our room!Okay so this is what happened. I had a boyfriend who was living with me. Saturday morning he picked up his things and broke up with me because we argued about the father of my children. My boyfriend is over jealous of the fact that I communicate with the father of my children when he is not arount only to talk about our kids and it happens once a week. Anyway so he left and I was hurt so I went to my sisters and got drunk with her and some friends. I was drinking tequila....too much of it. So they end up putting me in the shower with my clothes on and a family friend trying to hold me up cuz i would fall. After the shower my sister gives me clothes and I change privately into them. So my sister sends me home with a couple of girls and the family friend. I was so drunk i don't remember the ride home. Thing is the family friend whom is a guy decides to stay at my house to watch me because he says he was worried. So, i was in and out of reality and this guy is next to my bed shoes off and my boyfriend or ex walks in on us and thinks something is going on! He says the guy was feeling me up but I don't remember him touching me. My ex now thinks I am a slut. Called me a bitch, dog, you name it. Spat on my face and says it is over forever. he never wants to see me again.I know it looks really bad, but I didn't do anything wrong. I hate how I feel and now my reputation will be destroyed. I love him and I wish i could make things better someone tell me something please. What can I do?
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broke up, drunk, jealous Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Suly +, writes (27 January 2011):
Suly is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have read my responses and I feel a lot better. There is a lesson to be learned and I can truly say I did. My children are my priority and having put myself in that situation was my own fault.
I know that my kids will be safe once I make safe decisions. I think that in this case if I made the mistake of over drinking, my sister or friends should have never sent me home.
I will take control of my life, it is what I want. I want something better for myself and my children.
Thank you so much for all the feedback. It is great to hear the obvious from others.
A
female
reader, SillyB +, writes (26 January 2011):
 Okay you need to take charge of your life!First, what is a mom aged 26-29 doing getting drunk with friends, friends putting her into a shower fully clothed (what is that???), 'friends' letting her recover with some guy at home. This whole situation was a recipe for disaster. You need to find more mature and classy people to spend time with.Second, your ex had broken up with you. Rather than looking at the situation in a rational way (drunk girl being felt up by random guy) he chose to abuse you! Let us not forget that he broke up with you, he's your EX so he should not jumped off the deep end like that.You need to:1. Never drink like this again. It's immature behavior and a bad example to your child. Also, your and your childs safety is at risk (what if some guy helped you recover while he abused your child in the room next door, what if you were so drunk you didn't know the house was on fire?).2. Get new friends. This is not a quality group.3. Thank your lucky stars your ex is an EX, he's not worth even getting tipsy over. Jealous and irrational. Find a nice, kind, gentle understanding man.I hope you work on yourself and become the best mom you can be.Good luck!
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (26 January 2011):
 I can believe it wasn't you who did the wrong thing. But I do believe your boyfriend when he says the other guy was feeling you up.
Erm, let's see: This family friend (whose capacity as such surely means he can't possibly take advantage of a drunk woman) goes the way only heroes go and stays the night with a drunk woman. Curious thing is, the other two women don't decide to help drunk woman out. Boyfriend finds Family Friends with a drunk woman, feeling her up, shoes of?
I don't really use colorful "WTF", but, if I were ever to use such initials (WTF), I would do if I were in Boyfriend's place.
He shouldn't have spat on you, that's right. I think that, in a way, you're a winner in his leaving you.
On the other hand, I don't see how you could fix this one. Sorry. This is one of those situations where, if you're not guilty, people can still rightfully believe that you'd lie.
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A
female
reader, iicandyxoxo  +, writes (25 January 2011):
 Have you tryed talking to him about it?.
Telling him that it was your kids dad?.
Or that you were drunk and the guy was just helping you come home safely?.
Did you try to tell him that you were overly drunk and didn't know what was happening?.
If not then you should maybe talk to him about it?
And also after all the stuff he did.
I wouldn't go back with him if i were you!.
Spit on you?.
Call you a fucking Bitch er a Slut?.
Yeah i can understand you truly love him?.
Maybe not anymore?.
I don't know i am not you.
But if i were you after what he did... yeah no.
Find someone else that isn't jealous. [[ You don't want a guy who is jealous of your kids dad being in your life ]].
Find someone that if they were to dump you that they wouldn't say nasty stuff && try to ruin your rep. [[ Not goood ]].
&& Maybe try to find someone who trsts you && listens to you (:.
Hope you follow my advice.
&& Good luck. (:
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (25 January 2011):
There are a lot of things happening here that need addressing.
1 - You are a mother, and never again can you afford to put yourself in a situation where you are so drunk you don't know what's happening. Your kids will not exactly be happy if one day you happen to bring a rapist home by accident and wind up beaten or dead. I think that needs to be the last time you get drunk, basically, or either you'll get hurt, or the father of your children will have some great ammunition to use against you. You just can't afford to put yourself in an unsafe situation like that again, for your sake an for your kids sake.
2 - Your boyfriend found the guy feeling you up. You don't remember, so there's no proof. But it's safe to say that you were so drunk, you were being used. On one hand, your boyfriend walking in might have saved you some serious grief.
3 - On the other hand, your boyfriend spat in your face. Would you have stayed if he'd punched you? Spitting is assault, and is abuse. Also, he's an ex, so him getting THAT angry was bang out of order. to top that off, he was already jealous in the first place.
What I am saying here is that you need to take control of your own life, rather than let it be run by other people. You have a jealous ex who is no better than an abuser, and you have some male friend that was feeling you up. You were also drunk to the point where you didn't know what was happening. You are not a woman in control here. And you need to be, or something bad will happen to you and your kids will be the ones left hurt.
Priorities:
1 - The safety of your kids. They should not be around a jealous, abusive boyfriend. And you should not be so drunk that you are totally out of control.
2 - Get rid of this poor excuse of a boyfriend.
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