A
male
age
51-59,
*bill48
writes:I have been seeing a married woman for about 8 months. I’m single. She decided to stay where she. I do love this gal and have for years before this started. I love talking with her. We have weekend places very close to each other. Before we got done talking she asked if we would still talk as much, I didn’t say much but somewhere she got the Idea of once a week. She didn’t like that even though I never said it. She want to talk more often. My questions are 1.What happens if we still talk all of the time? 2. Why would she still want to talk? 3. What do I do about the times we see each other and how do I deal with dinners when her and hubby are around the common area with others having dinners as a group which in the past I was involved with? 4. She also still says she loves me, why and what is with that? The trouble is I still love her and for some crazy reason still want her.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (27 January 2011):
I think she likes the idea of having you there tied to her by a piece of string. She'll give a little tug, and you'll be there.
This just shows how little she respects both her husband and you. She won't make a proper go of her marriage, but at the same time she won't leave and make a go of it with you.
So, to answer your questions.
1 - You'll just wind up lonely playing catch with her. She'll always call you when it goes wrong, but you'll never get any sign of commitment in return.
2 - She still wants to talk, because it gives her power.
3 - Get away from her and don't put yourself in that situation.
4 - She's lying.
Remember, men aren't the only ones who use and abuse. Women do it too. This one's just there because she knows you'll come running. So prove her wrong and get away from her.
A
female
reader, chocoholicforever +, writes (27 January 2011):
it sounds like she is too weak to make a choice between you or her marriage. she wants both because she's getting something different from both. Probably with her husband she gets security and status of being a normal married woman. but with you she gets the thrill of a new relationship and whatever else she's missing from her marriage. She doesn't want to give up what she has in her marriage. But she wants to keep talking to you so as to keep you hooked so you won't go away and she can continue to get her kicks from you when it's convenient for her.
either that or she really doesn't want to be with her husband anymore but nevertheless has some mental block against divorcing even if she truly wants to be with you instead of him. People can feel trapped in marriages they really want desperately to get out of. our society condemns divorce (even though it's common) saying you'll be ruining other people's lives if you divorce. Especially if children are involved. Divorcing is seen as destroying the lives of their children and bringing shame upon the spouse who initiated the divorce. Thus many people will not leave their marriages even though they really don't want to be there anymore. Feeling the way they do, it's not surprising that they can fall in love with someone else (because they long ago stopped loving or wanting to be with their spouse) and yet still not be able to leave the marriage and yet be unable to give up their new love.
I think you need to talk with her about the possibility of her leaving her marriage (if she needs to develop the courage to do so then that's what she should do) because it's not fair to you if this isn't the kind of relationship you want.
Or you should try to move on from her now since she's already stated she's not leaving her marriage. It's not healthy for you if your happiness depends on someone else's actions that you can't control. Moving on from her will be better for your emotional health and with time and distance (without any contact, meaning you should cut off contact with her if you go this route) it will get easier.
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