A
female
age
41-50,
*loudy Ham
writes:This is complicated but here goes... I got back together with my ex boyfriend about 4 months ago. He is going through a divorce. We have two kids and 5 and 9. I found out last week that I am pregnant. We have been keeping our relationship on the down low so that we could have time to see if it would work without hearing other people's opinions. We we apart for about 3 years. During that time we both shared custody of our children and never dragged them through "the system". Now here is my problem, my biggest one at the moment, he doesn't think we should keep the baby. I don't feel like I could live with myself if I got an abortion. He says it would be better for everyone because we don't have enough money, we still have separate households, it would put too much stress on us since we are trying to get back together. And his reasoning is sound, yet I still can't feel like abortion is the right thing to do. He doesn't get it, he knows that when I was younger I had 2 abortions and he uses this as ammo. He says I should grow up and think about everyone involved. That I'm living in LA-LA land. I was scheduled to get an IUD when I missed my period and he uses that too, because I didn't want anymore children. I told him everything changed now that I am pregnant. I don't know what to do! I know I made my bed and should lie in it but obviously I am seeking advice here. Would it be better for everyone to have an abortion? My heart says NO my mind says maybe... I wish I could convince him r=that it would all work out but all he sees is a miserable future if we don't get the abortion. Any advice?
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female
reader, ixchel +, writes (29 January 2011):
Hi.. I think he sould think of the baby...the baby has no fault...and he should also just think about all those men that CAN'T have babies.. and I know right now the economic times are not EASY but hey who said life was easy...iam 19 years old and have a 6 month old daughter....and as a teen mom I won't lie I did have in mind abortion...but I did not have the heart to do it...and I prayed to god...and then I rememberd a lot of women want to have kids and they can't and now I thank god that he made me one of those women to have a baby.....so my advice to u and your family is keep the baby! A new baby brings a lot of joy in a home...tell your husband it will turn out ok..everything does..once you have him/her in your arms and have god always on mind. :) GOOD LUCK!
A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (26 January 2011):
 Hon, nothing you do will make for a good relationship with this guy. He is bad news. Nothing you have said in your post says that he thinks of you before him. Nothing you have said says that he thinks of the children he has already brought into the world before himself.
For what it's worth I do believe that abortion can be an appropriate thing to do. From what you've said, abortion is not the right thing to do this time. You have been there, done it, and it has not been a good experience. I'm sorry that you have regrets.
Let's get real. He is never going to be there for you. He's a selfish individual, and he's going to leave you holding the bag whether you do what he wants today or whether he finds some excuse a few weeks from now. He's not going to be there for you whether you get an abortion or not.
You don't want to get another abortion. The only reason you would is to make him happy. And even if it makes him happy he's not going to own up to his responsibilites. So forget about him and do what you think is right for you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2011): Don't let anyone bully you into the decision of having an abortion.
But after having said that I still do agree with him that an abortion sounds like the best idea.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2011): If you have doubts about it then dont do it, Or you will most likely regret it. You have to think of the unborn child to its a life growing in you, whos fate lays in your hands. Your partner said it would be better for every one but was he considering better for the baby to? Also there is other options like adoption theres alot of people who want kids but cant have any on there own. I personaly would keep the baby but at the end of the day you know your self the best and only you can deside what would be best. Good luck and i hope every thing works out for you.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (26 January 2011):
 I hope this is a real post, because I can't believe a woman in her thirties would leave the decision about an abortion to a 9 year old boy.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (26 January 2011):
He isn't the one who has to have the abortion. You are. And he's not the one who has to live with it either.
I suppose this is one time where men have the get out of jail free card. We don't have a say in abortions, and therefore are effectively void of the responsibility.
The only person he's really thinking of here is himself. He's not thinking about you, and he's not thinking about his children.
You know in your heart you don't want the abortion, and your head isn't sure. Have the baby. You'll be a lot happier for it in the long run.
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