A
female
age
30-35,
*eenie11
writes:Im going away for the weekend because i've been invited to a birthday party ...but my boyfriend is going away too and i was moaning to him about how hes gonna cheat on me ..but the thing is the party im going to has this guy who fancies me and said that he cant control himself if he sees me ..and im worried that im gonna get to drunk and do something i will regret or hes gonna kiss me and i wont stop then feel bad afterwards.I mean i really adore my boyfriend i will feel totally lost without him..should i go to this party or not
View related questions:
drunk Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, its ok +, writes (27 January 2011):
I only read the tiltle and..no-don't go to that party
A
male
reader, mscard  +, writes (26 January 2011):
Sounds like everyone else has this basically covered, but I'd say that if you're worried that you might cheat, you don't respect your boyfriend the way that you claim to. No matter how drunk I was, I would never, EVER cheat on my girlfriend. It would never happen, not even if a naked Victoria's Secret model wrestled me into a back room and begged me. Even if the guy makes the first move, if you make the choice to allow it to continue, (and drunk choices are still choices), you lack moral conviction and your boyfriend must simply not be worth very much to you.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2011): "im worried that im gonna get to drunk and do something i will regret or hes gonna kiss me and i wont stop then feel bad afterwards"
Well, if you want to cheat, then you will go to the party and drink, because you already know that the possibility exists that it will happen. People do stuff when they are drunk, but when they already know that they might, and they choose to drink and attend a place that they are at risk for doing those things, they are making a "choice".
...............................
A
female
reader, beenie11 +, writes (26 January 2011):
beenie11 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Im not the type of girl to do things like this...i can say no to him but i was just worried that he was gonna do something and i say no and push him away that i was gonna feel guilty still . but i aint going to this stupid party i rather stay home and be with my boyfriend hes the one i want to be with and make happy not this random guy .
I would never cheat on him or anyone cos i wasnt brought up to be that kind of person ..so i really dont know what i did write this question ..cos now i know its totally wrong and will NEVER EVER happen ... i guess it was also my mate (well i wouldnt really call a mate) him and my bf dont get on so my mate always puts nasty things in my head about me or him and this was one of them .
and im the kind of person who thinks way to much
thanks for all ur help
...............................
A
female
reader, beenie11 +, writes (26 January 2011):
beenie11 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI know what you guys are saying...im not the kinda girl to do things like this..i just worry alot..i mean im more worried about what this guy is going to do to me ..but i know how to say not but even if this guy tries something and i say no im still gonna feel guilty :( ...tbh im not going to this party i rather be with my boyfriend hes the one i want to make happy not this other guy..thanks for all ur help
...............................
A
female
reader, beenie11 +, writes (26 January 2011):
beenie11 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhmmm you guys are right..i do love my boyfriend ..i can trust myself around other people cos im not the kinda girl to do things like this ..i was just more worried about this guy doing something and me going along with it then regretting it ..i wont go to this party i rather be with my boyfriend then some random dude who fancies me ..thanks for all ur help
...............................
A
female
reader, Milagros18  +, writes (26 January 2011):
 It sounds to me that you are confused. Why would you be tempted to cheat on your boyfriend when you "love" him? If you think your going to cheat on him, you know you'll regret it, if you truly love him. Why go through all that mess? If you don't trust him or he don't trust you, why are you guys togther. If your gna act single you might as well be single. Right. So go to the party if you want but there are limits when your with someone and committed to them. Good luck
...............................
A
male
reader, Illithid +, writes (26 January 2011):
 If you have to ask this, then you already know the answer. A recovering alcoholic should not go to the bar. Someone trying to lose weight should not surround herself with cake. Someone who wants to be faithful should avoid temptations. If you can control yourself, great! But if you're worried that you can't, you should play it safe before you cheat.
...............................
A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (26 January 2011):
 "What i forgot to say was is that im going with my sister to this party..i will know when to say no..i will not do anything to hurt my boyfriend :)"
If this is the case, then why did you post the question? It sounds like you've got it covered.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2011): If you "loved" him you would control yourself and make sure that you don't get so wasted that you don't know what you're doing.
...............................
A
female
reader, beenie11 +, writes (26 January 2011):
beenie11 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhat i forgot to say was is that im going with my sister to this party..i will know when to say no..i will not do anything to hurt my boyfriend :)
...............................
A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (26 January 2011):
 I cant understand how you say you love your boyfriend, yet you cant control yourself? Why cant you stop yourself cheating? Why do you forget about your boyfriend as soon as you go to a party?
That is not love - that is just pure weakness and selfishness! If you cannot leave the house alone without risk of cheating on your boyfriend then you should not be in a relationship - end of. You need to trust yourself before you can expect anybody to trust you.
Have you never thought of saying 'no' to this guy who likes you? Why would you even think of kissing him back when you claim you adore your boyfriend?
You cannot be in a relationship where you dont trust yourself away from your boyfriend, you simply cannot live life like that. This means that for the rest of your life you cannot go out unless your boyfriend is there to keep an eye on you? I'm sorry but this is just absurd!
You really need to look at why you think you would kiss another man, what problems you have in your relationship that would lead you to kiss someone else instead of saying 'no! get off me!' That would be the normal response for anyone who wasnt single - so there is some problem with you or your relationship if you would just stand there and let him kiss you.
Alcohol cannot be blamed either - if you are still conscious and awake then you have control of your body and your mind. Yes, it is slightly lessened, but you still know what you are doing. If you drink to the point where you dont have control of yourself - then you have alcohol problems and need to see a professional to deal with those issues.
Imagine if your boyfriend said to you - I cheated on you but I was drunk - would that make it ok? Would you think "oh well thats alright then, it was only because he had a few beers"? I bet you would still be equally upset because at the end of the day, you can control yourself when drunk unless you dont want to and are happy to let other people take advantage of you.
So I think you have a few problems here -
1. You cant handle your drink and you need to get some help on why you drink too much
2. Relationship issues - if your boyfriend suddenly vacates your mind when there is a bit of alcohol in your system then there are problems in your relationship, if he really was that special to you then you would never do anything to damage the relationship. You need to have a long hard think about what is the real reason why you would cheat on him and blame it on the booze
3. Your own personal issues. I think these may be bigger than the relationship issues - my bet is that you have fairly low self esteem and find it hard to resist a man when he likes you because the boost to your ego is more tempting than being faithful. These are very deep rooted issues with self-esteem and relationships, probably going back a fair few years so you need to see a therapist for this. You clearly dont trust your boyfriend if you think he would cheat, and this is typical of a cheater with low self esteem - they dont believe anyone could love them, so when someone comes along who likes them then they will cheat on their loving partner at home, but then turn around and accuse their partner of cheating simply because you cant trust yourself so you dont trust anyone else either.
Obviously not going to the party will stop you cheating this time - but you cannot stay locked away forever out of fear of cheating. If you have issues that cause you to be so weak then work on them - because this situation will come up time and time again, and one day you may well just end up cheating. So deal with the real cause of the issues, rather than simply 'not going' to the party.
I hope this helps and good luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (26 January 2011):
 Not only should you stay away from this party, you should also seriously look into your relationship. You "adore" your boyfriend yet you admit you might do something with this other guy that you would regret later on. Adore and cheating dont go hand-in-hand.Something's very wrong here.
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (26 January 2011):
No. Don't go. And perhaps more importantly if you think you're weak enough to cheat, look carefully at the relationship you have now before something else goes wrong.
...............................
A
female
reader, Stayc63088 +, writes (26 January 2011):
 No. Out of respect for your boyfriend you should not be around a guy who "can't control" himself around you. Especially if you feel you could cheat. Don't do it to your boyfriend if you love him.
...............................
|
