A
female
age
36-40,
*1sha
writes:Hi,I just spent 5 days with my boyfriend. We’ve been together for 18 months and have spoken about marriage. In the last month we have been spending more time together and bickering more and more. I have been particularly needy and insecure during this time, feeling sad and restless. During the last 5 days I was feeling unwell with tummy pain and nausea but I wasn’t actually vomiting or anything. He cooked and washed up every day and I cleaned his flat on the last day. I don’t think I was great company and we bickered throughout. He said I was lazy and on holiday mode, leaving him to do everything. I called him cruel for bickering and putting his legs on my sore tummy. When I left he sent a message apologizing ‘if I was cruel to you’.I feel really bad for being so lazy. I’m visiting him again on Friday to help him move a few bits to another house. We spoke yesterday and things were tense. Shall I apologize over the phone, by text or to his face or not at all? What would you do?Please help and advise.Thank you
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (26 January 2011):
 I agree with the others. What are your apologising for? I am pregnant and getting over swine flu...I have been a right moaning minnie to my family and husband over the last couple of weeks! A good partner supports you during difficult times.
If he cannot take you being ill for a couple of days, dread to think how he would react if you were pregnant and needed to rest! Or what if you became seriously ill for a long period of time??? If you apologise then you are accepting fault for the situation in his mind and saying that his behaviour is ok. It sounds like he needs to mature and not see the relationship as so transactional where he just gets to do 50% of tasks all the time. I am sure if he was ill, you would be nice to him. When you see him, tell him how you really feel...not the 'sorry honey' routine to keep the peace.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (26 January 2011):
 I wouldn't apologize either, if you feel crappy you are allowed to feel crappy!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (26 January 2011):
I don't think you need to apologize at all. You weren't well, and all he really did was moan about it. You are right, he was quite cruel. So I think rather than apologize, you should pay a lot of attention to the way he treats you from now.
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