A
female
age
41-50,
*onfused_va
writes:Help! I met this guy online last summer and fell completely in love with him. The problem is he confessed to me that he was married and his wife was pregnant. To make matters worse he is in the military and recently got transferred to another city about 300 miles away. His wife recently gave birth to their son and of course relocated with him. He's told me over and over that they're no longer in love, that he loves me, and to just give him time to work out what he has to do. I know I'm being a complete fool, but I can't imagine not having him in my life. Now that he's gone I'm all depressed imagining them beginning a new chapter in their lives together. I'm just scared that their relationship is not gonna come to an end. Im thinking I should follow my gut, but my heart is absolutely breaking. I never thought I would be in these shoes.
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female
reader, Confused_va +, writes (5 February 2011):
Confused_va is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you guys for the advice. I knew it all along but of course the heart thinks blindly. To clarify it though. It wasn't just an online relationship. But I know that doesnt make the situation any better. As a matter of fact it makes it worse. He has been back to see me since he's moved as well. But anyway, we did talk today and I let him know I deserve better. So until they are separated and not living together it's on hold. That could be indefinitely but I have no choice but to make that decision. It hurts right now but I know in time the pain will get better. Plus, I have a better sense of conscious now knowing im not a "mistress". Just wanted to let u know. Thanks again! ?
A
male
reader, Kilcardy +, writes (5 February 2011):
The minute he told you he was married, you should have run the other way as if your hair was on fire. Married men are nothing but asphalt on the road to ruin for a single girl. Forget this guy, or get used to a lonely and depressing life.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2011): The odds are stacked against you. He has a wife and a new baby. You could be hanging around for years before you finally realise he is not going to leave his wife. Don't wait. Go find someone who is free and has no baggage.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2011): You're a dreamer, hanging on to something that has nothing to do with reality. This gut has a wife and kids and no its not over between them, they are married. This guy is a cheater..why don't you call up his wife and see how their relationship is, I bet to her everything is fine. Look you're being fed a line of BS and you've fallen for it, if you really look at it do you think he'll actually give up his wife and kids to move to where you are, and how long exactly does he need, one month, six, or two years..all this precious time out of your life waiting for someone telling you sweet nothings over the internet. Do yourself a favour, cut off all contact, get back in the real world and find someone closer to home. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (5 February 2011):
Married? A new baby? 300 miles away? You don't stand a chance with him, not now, not ever. Because even if he did leave her wife and child for you, chances are he'd leave you and your baby for another woman, and so on.
You need to cut contact. This guy can never be the man you want. He's just a liar, a cheat and has brought a baby into the world with his wife that he is laughing at as much as you and his own wife.
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A
female
reader, crummyscreenname  +, writes (5 February 2011):
you're better off without him. remember: if he would do it to her with you, he would do it to you with someone else
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2011): somehow I don't think this 'new chapter' in their lives is as rosy as you are afraid of. After all, he has gone behind her back and told someone else that he's going to leave her! His wife is living in the dark as to what her husband truly thinks of her and is capable of! Not a rosy situation at all.
But to be realistic you're right there's a good chance their relationship won't come to an end even if it's a crappy one. Or if it does it could be many years down the road like then the kids are grown.
now it could be that he really wants to leave her. But his situation is complicated because they have a newborn, and newborns are a LOT of work it wouldn't be fair to his wife to leave her now because it's really hard to take care of a baby as a single parent. Furthermore he will be judged harshly by everyone they know if he left her so soon after she gave birth. they will say he's being very unfair to her to leave her at a time when they should be celebrating their relationship.
on the other hand you gotta wonder how is it that he doesn't love her when he chose to start a family with her and obviously it wasn't that long ago when he made that decision.
Do yourself a favor and walk away, you'll get over it.
You don't want a guy who has an ex wife and kid anyway as the ex wife will create drama in your relationship.
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