A
female
age
51-59,
*lice87
writes:25 years ago, I dated a guy, "Ted", for the summer before I headed off to college. He got way too serious and did not take it well when I broke things off. Ted became obsessed. He called constantly up to 30 times a day, left me letters and poems on my car and even slept on my parents lawn one night when I was out with a (platonic) male friend. I had to get downright nasty to finally get him to stop bothering me.Now Ted is trying to reconnect via Facebook. I am not comfortable exposing my whole life to him, pictures of my children, etc. I did reply to his email because I was willing to give him closure and to explain why I'd been so mean to him but now I wish I hadn't. He is in his mid-40s now, twice divorced living alone in a state adjacent to mine. He wants to talk on the phone and told me that I was his first love and he never forgot me. He was just a summer fling to me! I am divorced but in a solid relationship with a guy who is truly my best friend. I don't want Ted to think my being divorced means that I am available or interested in rekindling anything. I am willing to discuss our breakup and why things went wrong but that's it. I don't want to be friends with Ted or keep in contact with him. I don't even know why he is contacting me or what he wants. My boyfriend is supportive but doesn't want me to get sucked into feeling sorry for Ted. How can I give him closure without hurting him all over again and/or seeing the obsessive side of him again?
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (4 February 2011):
Block Ted immediately, and explain again to your boyfriend what is happening so he doesn't get confused or think something is happening. You must not talk to Ted AT ALL. He is obsessed, and nothing you say will make him change his mind. Forget closure - it won't work.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2011): I would contact him via Facebook. Explain you are in a solid relationship. That it was nice to hear how he is doing, but you feel life has moved on and that's that. I would not give him your phone number so he can not text or phone you. Then if he does look as if he wants too much contact I would block him on Facebook. But give him a chance first for it just to be old friends from the past saying hi.
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