A
female
age
41-50,
*illary30
writes:Hi everyone,I often post messages on this board because it seems as if I often have relationship problems. I am still living with my boyfriend but we're going through something right now, and he says he needs to think about what he really wants. He doesn't know at this point. We went through this a few weeks ago and we agreed to the break even though it broke my heart into pieces. He wants to go on another break but I told him that since it hurt so much last time, that I can't go through it again. So now we're at the point where he's still living with me, sometimes shows affection (no sex) and calls it the 'thinking' period. He hasn't so far spent less time at home, he still watches movies with me, so it shows that a part of him wants to stay. I don't know if I mentioned this before but I'm also seeing a doctor to help me with issues concerning insecurity. I said to him that one of the ways that would help us, would be if he came with me to the doctor. He has agreed to this. I'm kind of confused to be honest and I'd like to get advice. What do you think?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2011): Yes, absolutely, if there is any way that he wants to be with you, but it won't be easy for either of you and may be harder than you can believe.
My wife and I went through this, and thank God we did it together. We have the relationship we both always wanted now, but it took so long to get there, and it was her insecurity and the root causes of it that she could never tell me about that kept us from having it.
I spent years of thinking it was something wrong with me...
She spent years being insecure thinking that I was thinking things I wasn't thinking...
But, it wasn't till the third counselor that we made the breakthrough and it was hard. So, make sure the guy is worth it (and he should make sure you are worth it to him).
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (6 February 2011):
I think the only way for you two to actually work this out would be to attend counselling. When you're about to go into another break, there is something very wrong. You both could do with counselling to make this work.
I think it's a good idea, and I think if he's up for it you should do it.
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A
male
reader, Dataluke +, writes (6 February 2011):
 I think that if you are both having problems which are affecting your emotions then you should take him with you. After that, follow your doctor's advice on what to do.All the best, Dataluke
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