A
female
age
30-35,
*pendy
writes:my boyfriend asked for a break to clear his head.. on the break he told me he went to see a girl he's slept with before and she straddled him and took off her top showing my bf her breasts and told him how much she wanted him. But my bf said he told her he's got a gf and the girl kept trying it on with him but he kept saying no to her cos he was thinking about me the whole time and he didn't even get turn on, even though she tried so hard to get him.He said he did that to see if he could find someone else attractive but he couldn't cos he loves me so much.anyways, i did believe him..but i told my friends and they said hes lying he cheated on me..so i got really nasty and said horrible things to him.but i didn't mean them and i regret it soo much.. ive showed him how sorry i am.. and hes forgiven me and wants to be with me but he says the love he had for me is gone:(i saw him yesterday we made up..everything felt so right but the next day he told me he wants to be with me but he's not sure if he can love me like he did before.so he suggests we go on a break and see if he can miss me..then he will come to me and we will go away on the weekend. he says there's no one else..is me he wants to be with:)please help..can we ever go back to the way we use to be? i love him so much.thanks..xxx
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a break, breasts, cheated on me, his ex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Spendy +, writes (3 March 2011):
Spendy is verified as being by the original poster of the question thanks..xx
A
male
reader, Wheeler  +, writes (7 February 2011):
 I do not at all agree with Liebes, sorry.
If he actually loved you, he would not have been with his ex.
There is a question I put on here a few days ago about whether you can love one person, yet have sex with another.
The point I want to make is that if he truly loved you, he would not have had any desire to be sexual or intimate with another woman. Especially an ex.
It is very important that you not blame yourself. He didn't love you as much as you love him. That much seems obvious. And you do not want the heartache of figuring that out.
Unless he is absolutely The One, or you had an incredible amount of things about the relationship that make you think it could overcome all of these issues, you should probably walk away.
Doesn't the idea of a new guy without all of these explosive and hurtful memories to go along sound better?
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A
male
reader, Liebes Kummer +, writes (7 February 2011):
Well, maybe the episode with the ex gf unsettled him a bit but you certainly did not help matters by blowing up like you did.
I mean, if nothing happened, why did he tell you? Have you thought about that? It wasn't like you caught him in the act.
Maybe you should have given him the benefit of doubt.
You know, there are some things a relationship can't recover from.
You acted on the advice of your friends. This is why it is very important that we are careful who we tell our problems to and more importantly, what advice we take from folks. It could be he is using your actions as an excuse.
Words said in anger do a lot of damage and they do hurt.
Even if he was considering going back to his ex, he was still with you, but i think your actions may have as a matter of fact, pushed him into her arms.
Tell him you feel and if he has made up his mind to leave, let him go.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2011): This is a very sad case of someone wanting to believe the best when all the facts tell them otherwise. Maybe you are avoiding the grieving process because it is too painful to face the truth right now and denial is the less painful alternative.
The relationship for him is over and it all depends on how much torture you want to put yourself through dragging out the inevitable.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (7 February 2011):
The sad fact is , this relationship is done. I don't see it going anywhere anymore.
1 - When you go on a break, you're already in trouble.
2 - When you're on a break, unless you both agree that no one can touch anyone else, you can't call 'cheat'. If you did not agree that you would both remain celibate, then he did not cheat and you were at fault for listening to your friends and then saying those things.
3 - Even though you've said sorry for those things, he claims the love is gone. Love doesn't just 'go'.
4 - There is someone else - the other girl who is an ex. He can't say there's no one else to you, when there already has been.
5 - The fact that the girl was an ex is the worst. It means he's not totally over her, which means he can;t totally commit to you.
I don't see this relationship going anywhere. I think it's gone as far as it can, and I think there are too many things that have now happened for you to come back together.
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