A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I like lads who look out for me and are quite protective but my boyfriend of over a year is way over the top with it. I love him to pieces but its like its one rule for me and another for him. He demands that I don't see any of my friends (male or female) and if I do, he gets mad if I don't tell him where I was and what I was doing. I don't mind if he see's his mates I just prefer him not to blow me out for them. I get on with all of them, although he hates it when I go out with them all (when he's there obviously) he says he likes to keep me and his mates separate. I've never cheated and never will cheat on anyone! I know how it feels from a previous relationship and I wouldn't ever want anyone to feel like that.I've also got a gay best mate who I've known since secondary school (I was 12). We've always been really good mates and whenever we met up he give me a quick peck on the lips. I've never thought anything of it because he's my best friend and he does it to all his other close mates. My boyfriend knew about him before we started going out but now my boyfriend says that I can't see him and if I do I have to tell him not to be that friendly with him.I feel like I'm sacrificing everything to try and make this relationship work and he won't compromise at all. Is it unreasonable of me to want to see my mates a few nights in the week for a catch up and a good girly chat? I wouldn't mind if it was at our place so he could get involved over a few cans but he can't stand them. I just don't really know what I'm getting myself into anymore.
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female
reader, wiseowl +, writes (4 February 2011):
this is not being protective, he is controlling you. It may also turn out that he has something to hide from you and doesn't want you to find out. I can relate to this experience as my boyfriend tried to do the same to me, however as it was a long distance relationship, i did what i wanted anyway. needless to say we are no longer together. please for your own sanity and wellbeing, get out while you can, Good luck
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (4 February 2011):
You need to dump him ASAP. This isn't being protective, this is being controlling, manipulative and hypocritical. This is not how good, strong relationships work. At all. This is how women wind up being beaten in the corner of the room, or totally isolated from everything else in the world.
Let me be clear - this man does not love you, respect you or care for you. At all. He wants total control, he wants you on your knees doing as he says, begging for his attention. He wants to feel power over you, to know that he has you wrapped around his finger so you can't do anything. He will almost certainly get worse as time goes on, and may or may not resort to violence.
You may not be sure what you're getting yourself into. I DO know what you're getting into, and I urge you to end it now.
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A
female
reader, justjess +, writes (4 February 2011):
 there's protective, and then there's controlling!
Tell him you won't put up with it, you are an adult now and you can see and spend time with whoever you want
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (4 February 2011):
 Sweetie this guy is very controlling and manipulative. Unless you want a relationship whereby you have to account for every second of your day, this relationship will not work.
He will browbeat you and destroy your self-esteem because it makes him feel in control. He will treat you badly knowing you will accept it as you have no one else to turn to.
My honest advice is to break off the relationship with him, his behaviour will not get better only worse.
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