A
female
age
36-40,
*abyghost
writes:Ive posted a question here before about a possessive, controlling boyfriend. good news i said i needed time out - thats lasted a week.He found out his friend dies yesterday and i went to comfort him as i do still love him and care for him. Long night cut extremely short - i have agreed to go back because he kept saying that he will kill himself as he has nothing left to live for if im not with him as loads of ppl he has got close to has died, he doesnt have a support network here and he doesnt see his son due to the mother keeping him away from him.He says i have messed him up. i may have done, i probably did but didnt mean to. I dont know what to do as i dont think he will change how controlling he was but i cant have him kill himself... im being totally selfish here as i cant deal with that responsibility. And he wont go seek help. I dont know what to do and have no where to turn anymore. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, babyghost +, writes (9 February 2011):
babyghost is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all advice and help. Im heading out of town this weekend visiting ppl and for a get away for a night. So thank you so much
A
female
reader, chocoholicforever  +, writes (8 February 2011):
What a complete jerk. And he's being physically abusive too. I'm that you're done with him, I hope it really does stay that way.
remember this if he ever tries to get you back with emotional blackmail (controlling people rarely let go of their victims that easily, so keep your guard up!!)
if he uses the suicide threat again, put him in the car, and drive him to a psychiatric ward for his own protection (whether real or imaginary, that's not for you to decide) and leave him there.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (8 February 2011):
I knew he was a lying loser. Please, never EVER go back to him. He won't kill himself.
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A
female
reader, babyghost +, writes (8 February 2011):
babyghost is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you guys. Ive just read these messages - ill give you an update. It all came to a head last night, becasue i hadnt told my parents i was gonna go back (yes i know but didnt read replies till this morning and head screwed up) he sent me a text saying glad your not here tonight i can do tonight what i couldnt do last night. I ran to his to make sure he hadnt killed himself to find him laughing on the sofa with his mate.
I blew up told him to get out of my way aqnd leave me alone. He once again wrestled phone ff me, bruised my arem now and wouldnt get out of my car. I ran to local shop to get them to call home to come get me.
so thankyou for your advice, im annoyed i didnt see it before last night. Ive blocked his number. Im never going to see him. I am scared he will come to mine but other than that were done. Its done. Thank you
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (8 February 2011):
 He's not going to change, and you are not responsible in any way for his actions. If you actually take his threats to kill himself seriously the solution isn't to get back into a relationship with him. You know that. That's just what he wants to make you believe so you will be trapped with him again.
No, in fact what you do do when you take a suicide threat seriously is that you call the police. Or social services, not sure which one will work best in your country as I do not know how your system works. But you definitely contact the authorities.
If he's serious about killing himself, the answer again is not to be in a relationship with him. Not only is he controlling, he's also suffering from depression (in the case that he's not lying to you to make you stay) and is suicidal. What a load for someone to deal with! Again, the answer when faced with someone like this is not to do whatever they ask of you. The answer if you care about them is to actually help them out by getting them professional help. If they will not help themselves then there is the option of having them put into an institution if they are deemed suicidal and a threat to themselves and others around them. Again, the police is who you contact.
Tell him you can be his friend, not his girlfriend. Then help him though the way a true friend would. Step one is to see how serious he is about committing suicide. You can ask him if he has thought about ways to do it. If he has, and for example it is by shooting himself, or hanging himself, ask if he has the rope/gun/etc. Then you can ask if you can take that item with you when you leave. You can also ask him how bad he feels, and if you feel he could actually come to harm himself once you leave his place: call the correct authorities.
If you do not know how to deal with a suicidal person call a help line and ask for directions.
But, most likely, this is a prank he's pulling on you to control you and keep you around. But it's fully possible to take him seriously without getting back as his girlfriend. In fact, if you take it seriously you'd work with him to get him HELP. Help in the correct form, not in he form of you becoming his submissive once again.
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male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (7 February 2011):
 You are not responsible for his actions... if he chooses to harm himself then that's his own fault. The fact that he's trying to blackmail you with his own life is pathetic.
"If you don't do this then I'll kill myself"
What a f***ing loser...
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A
male
reader, Snowshoe  +, writes (7 February 2011):
 Run Away... Run Fast... Run Far... If he does or doesn't hurt himself that is not your fault. He is using this as a way of controlling and manipulating you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2011): Are you really that foolish as to believe this absolutely deranged psychotic, pathetic little pricks bullshit suicide excuse?
When you were a little girl playing with your dolls, or playing house with your friends, did you ever dream that a guy would pull that shit with you? When role playing the "daddy" of that house, did you threaten to kill yourself if the "mommy" ever left you?
Did you ever imagine your perfect guy being one that no one wants to know? That even the mother of his child won't let him ruin that child's life with his pathetic poisonous personality?
He doesn't have a support network because he's an abusive asshole, one that ruins lives and uses absolutely and utterly pathetic 'pity ploys' to get what he wants from people.
This guy is nothing, he a waste of space and he's just going to drag you down with him.
What's worse is he now knows your weakness now, he'll play the "please pity me I have no one" card anytime he wants anything and you'll fall for it.
OP you're seriously screwed, trust me I've been there. One of my exes was the exact same and I too fell for it for a while but eventually realized (forgive me for saying this as it's cruel but I was at) that for her to commit suicide would be all my problems solved. Now I didn't ever wish for it, I never would but that frame of mind is what helped me move past her. You see that feeling was due to absolute helplessness I felt over my love for her. I was her bitch and she knew how to play me. So I was ashamed of that and used that shame to change my circumstances.
You must do the same, if you don't then you are going to live a long terrible life with absolute bastard and what's worse is he'll ruin you, you may never be able to truly let go with another guy if you don't put a stop to this.
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (7 February 2011):
Selfish? You're being a saint - sadly to the wrong man.
There is no way that this man loves you. He's just as you say - controlling, manipulative, possessive. And you need to get away from him. Now. No matter how much you love or care for him, he will never feel the same. He'll just treat you like dirt, emotionally blackmail you and you'll wind up miserable. Worse, he says you are to blame and you messed up!
There is a reason he has no support network.
There is a reason his own mother stays away.
Are you even sure his friend is dead? Or are you taking his word for it? Because that might be a total lie too.
I doubt very much that he will kill himself. That sounds suspiciously like a controlling threat to me. And even if he did, it would be his decision, and his alone.
If you have any self respect, if you love yourself, if you want a future with a loving husband and kids, if you want an actual life where you are free, walk away from this man now. You will not change him, you will not understand him, you will not be happy with him, you will not have any love from him, you will not be able to comfort him, you will not know what happiness is etc etc. You have a long, unhappy life ahead of you if you say with him - in fact you'd be more likely to commit suicide that he is.
If you want your own life, walk away from his. And get some counselling too, because anyone willing to accept the treatment you are accepting has problems that needs to be resolved.
Get away from him.
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