A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My 35 year old boyfriend seems happy with our relationship as it is. He has no plans for us to move in together or get engaged or married. He says we don't get on well enough to make a commitment. I think this is rubbish and his way of having his cake and eating it. We live 30 miles apart. He has never been married or had a family and has lived alone all his adult life. My son has left home and I am a free agent but I now feel I don't want to invest time and energy into something which is going nowhere. I am spending more time with friends going out and enjoying myself, at the gym or just at home and we meet twice a week. He doesn't like me going to the gym as he says it is a pulling joint and hates me going out drinking (not heavily) to bars with friends but why should I stay in on my own and not have a social life if he doesn't want to take things to the next level. I am not playing mind games, that is not me, I just feel like I am not counting on him for a future anymore.I am not sure what to do next. We have been together two years and see each other mid week and at week-ends and he seems to want to keep things like that. What would you do if you were in my situation?
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male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (19 June 2011):
 Aren't you? You claim you want a serious commitment but also date a guy who has clearly stated that he does not want a serious commitment.
So who exactly is wanting to have their cake and eat it to?
He has stated what he wants, you have stated what you want.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2011): As the others have said get rid of him, dont get on well enough to make a commitment yet get on well enough to sleep,have sex together and have been for 2 years so sex is ok but your not good enough to take home to mama tell him to sling it
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A
female
reader, RedAthena  +, writes (19 June 2011):
 Sooooooooooooo, he is telling you that he is not commitment minded and he does not like the idea of you being picked up by someone else.What would I do?Well, I can tell you what I did with my last bf who said very similiar things.I told him that I was looking for a committed bf that I could share a life with. I told him what that meant to me.Not just someone who shares his time when he feels like it, but thinks I am a MAIN part of his life. I told him that I could no longer date him or invest my heart into him.As much as it hurt, I backed off. It took some time to recover from it, but I could have wasted YEARS waiting or hoping that he would "come around" and want to be that kind of man. He was not that kind of man to anyone!If I were you, I would say goodbye. Better to be "alone" and happy than with someone and feel stuck and unhappy.Best Wishes.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2011): I agree with Caring Guy (once again). I dealt with a man like that. Nothing will change. He is wasting your time. He's told you what he wants & you know that you want more. I hate to be cliche, but life is too short to spend so much time on something you already know (because he's told you) is going no where. It's already been 2 years, do you really want it to get to 5?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2011): Aside from the comments about not going to the gym I see nothing wrong with his behavior. Wanting a less serious relationship than you does not make him an immature loser or a jerk. (What if you were the one saying that's all you want from a relationship right now? Or saying that all you want from this particular guy? Would it seem so wrong then?)
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (18 June 2011):
Well I'd dump him to be honest.
He's a bit too full of himself, and has a massive ego that needs to be grounded again. He says that you don't get on well enough to move in together and take your relationship to the next level, yet he's unhappy that you go to the gym or even out to bars. That's controlling, and that is a bad sign all round.
Just seems to me that you can do better, and actually have a more meaningful relationship with someone else. I think this guy really is wasting your time.
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