A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My wife and I spend almost all of our time together. I set my work schedule so that I go in to work late. We usually spend our mornings together eating breakfast, running errands, and taking walks together before I head to work. She then takes care of her own work (she works from home) before I head home. I finish up my work day at home while she prepares dinner. This is our typical day. We are apart for maybe 6 hours per day maximum and even in that time we often keep in touch via text regarding shopping lists for dinner and so on. I mention all of this because I want to stress that my wife has very little opportunity to have an affair without me knowing about it. However, several times I have come home to find that she has been browsing the web for suspicious topics. Sample searches are:why people have affairswould an engaged man have affairhow to show a guy you're interestedask her for drinks instead of a date for lunchman wants to meet at night instead of daytimewhat makes a man feel rejectedThere are others.I know that there is a man she works with who is engaged. We were supposed to go to a party at his house with his fiancee, but we couldn't make it. My wife even went out of her way to show me photos on Facebook of his new house and fiancee. I also know that she was supposed to meet him for lunch last week, but he couldn't make it. He suggested they meet for drinks instead. She told me this and she said she was going to meet him for drinks this week. Based on these searches, something not-so-innocent is going on - or at least she is questioning whether this is strictly work-related. I am just trying to figure out if the interest is on her part or his at this point. How concerned should I be about this? Should I call her on this? In particular the search "how to show a guy you're interested" concerns me. Innocent crush or first stages of an affair?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2011): Oh no, I do that sometimes, like now that I am reading your story, I am not cheating or plan to do that. I just found it interesting to read people stories when I have time and don’t know what to do! I search a different topic that if someone reads them definitely will think I’m up to something but I am really not. Don’t worry about it, but if it really bothers you just talk to her and ask , her explanation may help you stop being concern.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2011): I know of people who are always with their spouses, never late from work, never have their own friends, seem to be good faithful and "not the type" , yet they have had long term affairs.
So in your 6 hrs away from each other, anything can be going on.
Do u keep quite and just observe? Its all about timing: trust it. Either u nip it in the bud OR you do not act on your info, and the "secret" continues.
Have u tried dropping hints?
Howz the real state of your marriage?
Stale/ boring/ too predictable?
Then reinvest in your marriage. Both of u have to commit or else u are wasting time.
Your wife is covering all bases by just advising you of her interactions with him. One clever woman! So she is not as innocent as she seems.
Time to be proactive but if left any longer this will progress into a full blown affair, if not already?
LoveGirl
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (19 June 2011):
Well, there are some signs here that she could be considering it. However, it's not definitive. Perhaps this other guy has made a move and she wants to know why. Perhaps he's having an affair and she wants to know why.
Before you call her on it, spend more time digging and see what else you can find. You say there's not much time for her to have an affair - I can assure you that anyone can make time for an affair, even if it's just 30 mins. There's not enough here to be sure at all. So I would spend a bit more time digging through internet history, and perhaps (even though morally this isn't all that great), you need to see what happens when you are actually out of the house i.e. maybe you see whether she does meet with this man or something.
There's not enough to be sure, but there is enough that you should show more attention to what is happening. Until you can get a bit more info, don't call her on it because she'll shut down and you won't entirely know the truth.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (19 June 2011):
 For some reason I got a hardtime picturing a woman researching on the web how to have an affair.
It would be more fitting with my stereo-type of the female mind (a dark void) that she would just do it.
If she is researching the explenation that she is examing how this guy's actions towards her are to be explained seems to make more sense.
This does not mean she can't be intrested, just that it seems unlikely that she is starting it. Has something happened already? No way to tell.
Might be time to stake your claim. "Why do you people have affairs"? Lots of reasons, often because they no longer feel the satisfaction, the excitement in their relationship as they once did. Maybe give some new passion in your relationship before she gets attempts at attention paid to her by someone else?
She told you she was going to meet him for drinks. Sometimes we tell our loved ones something because we want them to stop us. If she was having an affair already, she wouldn't be telling would she?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2011): Ok so after reading some of the headings that you have mentioned i feel a little bit unsure, i mean if your wife was maybe having an affair or on the brink of one, don't you think she would have deleted her history?
Or maybe she is innocent but wanted you too see that because she is feeling that you may be having an affair??
To be honest it looks like she is answering questions for a forum, did you ever consider that she may be an agony aunt?
The best thing you can do is confront her, stumble across her history in front of her and ask what this means.... You need answers and the longer you leave it, the more frustrated you will become. Best of luck i really hope your suspicions are wrong.. :)
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (19 June 2011):
 that's a really tough one. best to just ask her straight out. because while yes, those do sound somewhat questionable, there could also be some very reasonable explanations for them. hell, if i went through my browser right now, i'd probably find lots of ridiculous crap. i would say if she's never given you any reason to directly not trust her, i'd give her the benefit of the doubt and allow her to explain herself. good luck! hope it winds up nothing!
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