To what degree do I have a right to pursue my career love? Despite my husband's antagonism to it.

A female age 51-59, *onny writes:

My husband is very controlling and competitive when it comes to our careers. We've been married for 14 years. I had been singing professionally for 13 years when we met. I stopped singing because my children were born and then sang for about a year and finally decided to hosl off until they were older. And now that I would like to try singing again, although he says he doesn'thave a problem with me singing in restaurants and hotel lobbies again, he has always put conditions as to how, when and where I can work, as well as the schedules. I realized soon that this was his way of controlling me, and decided to forget the singing. I tried my hand at real estate, because like most people, I like to be productive, and feel accomplished. But it was extremely stressful, my youngest child is 7 years old, with ADHD and has some autistic caracteristics, which makes it very challenging to be a parent and do real estate work at the same time. There are no fixed schedules, many phone calls to be made, many trips back and forth with clients, etc. so I had to stop altogether because for the 3 months I did it, I feel I some what neglected my child. And in general, I can't help but feel that he subtly makes sure to keep my self esteem low. We started a small restaurant business six months ago, and he makes sure to keep me on the sidelines when it comes to decision making. If I say red, he'll say black -just to make a point that he's in charge. My opinions and ideas are discarded 95% of the time and frankly, some times I feel like I'm at the bottom of the staff structure -and we only have one employee! On the other hand, he isn't all bad. He's a really good dad to our three children and he is not a hitter, nor a yeller, nor does he do drugs, nor is he a drunk, and he doesn't go out with his pals and come back in the middle of the night. I assume he is not a cheater either. So, putting things on a balance, I don't think our problems lead to divorce. But I do need some advice as to how to up my self esteem. To what degree am I entitled to pursue what I truly love, which is singing? I am a very responsible and loving mom of three and appreciate the fact that I can always sing at a nearby restaurant a couple of hours while he stays with the kids. Is this too much to ask? What would you do? what do you think of all this? Thank you for your wise answers.

View related questions: divorce, drugs, drunk, self esteem

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