A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My partner had a 3some with his wife and her friend many years ago. After the 3some his wife's friend went home to her husband. My now partner and his then wife went to bed and slept in the same bed that the "hot steaming sex" happened in. What is having a harmful effect on me is the closeness that they must have shared after his wife's friend left. That cuddling up close together in the bed that the 3some happened in, the speaking about it, the intimacy they must have shared. How can I ever be that close to him? The next day, the next week they must have talked about it and shared great conversations about it and this must have brought them closer together. How can I ever share that with him? They must have "got off" on speaking about it together, sharing it together. I have nothing like that to share with him?
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you anonymous for your open and honest answer and also for taking the time to share that with me. Your answer has helped me a lot.
I have always felt secure within myself when in a relationship and I have never before felt envious, jealous, insecure or inferior about about any ex partners. I have always been positive about ex partners and about women in general. Until now.
When he told me about his 3some it "put me off my game" and now I feel inferior to not only these two women but to all women.
x
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2011): You ever went to an amusement park with your boyfriend and a friend? Well, in a lot of the rides only 2 can fit in the car at one time, so you have someone riding alone. So you feel torn between leaving your friend alone or the boyfriend. Someone in the trio usually feels left out or neglected. Yeah sure there are some rides where all 3 of you can ride together, but the really good rides, usually only allow two. You can't really focus on either of them or even just relax and have fun yourself because you are too busy trying to please too many people. Odd analogy, but same concept applies. Sex is an activity created for 2 people to enjoy, so bringing a 3rd party in can bring too much pressure. Just like the amusement park, in sex, yeah sure there are things that all 3 of you can do together, but the really intense good stuff only involves two participants. yes, in the porn video's it looks like everyone is having an awesome time, looks sexy and steamy. but reality can be different because there isn't a pause button to give the man time to regroup himself if he goes too soon or has dysfunction. The women also look like they are beside themselves with pleasure, but reality is one of them or both of them can feel left out at some point or the entire time. It can be hard enough to please one woman, much less two. So even though one party might have thought it to be awesome, all 3 might not feel the same way. Alot of times feelings get hurt, things get awkward between those involved, it is really something that needs to be left in the fantasy world. It is a fantasy for some men, then some have it and some of them say ok, been there done that, don't have to do it again. It is a rare man that usually obsesses over doing it again and again in my experience.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIn his reply, anonymous, on 23rd June said "Most men I know that have had one say that they prefer only 2 in the bedroom, 3 is a crowd". May I ask, do you know why they say this?
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe has watched porn before he met me and we have watched porn together. What gives me the idea that he would want a 3some again is 1) the way he spoke in glowing terms of the two women when he first told me 2) the 3some was full of experiences he had not felt before 3) he is still on good speaking terms with both of these women and 4) often when I look at him I see him doing it with the 2 of them, enjoying 4 breasts instead of two etc.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2011): you should not feel pressurised if he does spring this upon you.
be firma nd resolve not to lower or demean yourself: you may start hating him because you are totally against 3sums.
LoveGirl
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2011): Well, really all you can do is chalk it up to his past and let it die in the past, if you want to stay in the relationship. To continue to worry about something that happened in his past, that happened before you, will only cause a problem in your current relationship. If he continues to talk about it, or you find that he is flirting with idea of wanting one, then I would worry. Does he watch porn? What does he do that makes you think he wants this again? Is there anything that gives you that idea? Most men I know that have had one say that they prefer only 2 in the bedroom, 3 is a crowd. I am sure he knows how you feel about threesomes at this point. And if that be your stance, I would stand firm.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAround the friend, I would say he has looked pleased with himself and I would prefer it if he were stone cold to her. I would also like him to be stone cold to his ex wife. One lunchtime he was with a work colleague and she crossed the road to speak to him. He said what went through his thoughts were "How will I explain who she is". After their little chat on the street his colleague didn't ask who she was and he said he was relieved at that.I worry because I feel that deep down he would want to take part in a 3some again. I know exactly what I would do if he asked me to have a 3some because I have been asked to have a 3some before from a previous partner. My blood ran cold. I finished with him on the spot. He begged me back and I mean he begged. He was wrecked. I didn't care. If that sounds hard, I am sorry but that's what happened to me. And then, I fall in love with a man who has had one ... is that a twist of fate, ironic or poetic justice?
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2011): So it sounds as if he was full of glory about it until he found that you didn't see it the same way. Well, i guess it depends on how much he wants a 3some versus how much he wants a healthy lifetime marriage. if he wants to stay married, 3somes aren't gonna do that. as for his ex and the friend. you can't stop the friend from bumping into him. but when it happens how is he around the friend? does he act like a highschool boy or an acquaintance? it sounds as if you worry that he will have a 3some again with his ex and the friend. what would you do if he asked you to have a 3some?
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reader, sugar rayx +, writes (19 June 2011):
Dont compare your relationship with him to what they hadIf anything this is just me though if my partner wanted to have a 3some that would make me think i wasnt good enough so all that closeness etc you think they had it probably wasnt there Why do you think shes an ex n not still with him?????Concentrate on what you two have together and forget about them two If you keep thinking the way you are your relationship with him could end up going nowhere sept down the toilet panRelax and enjoy look into the future and forget about HIS pastHope iv helped x
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to everyone who has replied to my question.
In answer to the question in the 2nd reply, I have talked to him about this, a lot. He talks of this now with regret but only because he feels this has caused me pain. He says he feels disgust at himself now for not being disgusted then. That's how he talks of it now. When he first told me it was a different story, he spoke in glowing terms of these two women and the sexual 3some was full of experiences that he had not felt before. He said he felt the luckiest man in the world the next day as he walked to catch the bus to go to work. He remembers being at work, looking around the office and feeling great.
Deep down I feel he would do it again. He says no. I feel I am not getting the truth out of him now.
He is still on good speaking terms with both of these women. His ex wife still dominates him. The 3rd party goes out of her way to bump into him. That bothers me.
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reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (19 June 2011):
 You're looking at the situation in a completely different way. I have grave doubts regarding how much intimacy the threesome would have produced between them. Rather,it was the LACK of intimacy that must have led them to even consider a threesome, to spice up their love life or try some variation. As far as I'm concerned, if two people genuinely love each other and are committed, there is no space for a third person. Your partner and his ex wife lacked that.
No matter how hot and steamy the sex was, it couldn't have had any warmth. If there was any, he would have been with her today, NOT with you.
The threesome was probably the straw that broke the camel's back, because after the sex is over and the raging hormones calm down, reality sets in, and more often than not, brings with it a downfall of the relationship.
No you cannot ever share "that" with him, and Thank God for that!! There are much better things to share if you have a meaningful relationship.
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reader, Odds  +, writes (18 June 2011):
 She is his EX-wife. Doesn't that say anything to you about how their decisions turned out? You are imagining the "closeness" they shared after it. You have made all these things up based on nothing but speculation. In all likelihood, all it really led to was awkwardness, argument, and divorce.
You have built up an image in your mind of sucha wonderful post-threesome scene that even if he told you flat-out it was awkward, I'm not certain you would believe him.
Don't try to emulate his ex, and don't try to top her. Just try to be a continuously-improving version of yourself. Come up with your own special moments, rather than reliving others.
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reader, CaringGuy +, writes (18 June 2011):
It's interesting that you seem to think that this was something that was close, and it was something that was then discussed and something that they 'got off' with.
Because from my point of view, I only see that the threesome probably destroyed at least one marriage. After all, the marriage ended, and he found you.
If anything, I'd say that there was no closeness about it at all. Perhaps it was an act of desperation to try and save the marriage, or a stupid mistake.
I guess what I'm saying, is that you can have something far more meaningful with your boyfriend if you dedicate yourself to him, rather than worry about what you have to share as of yet. A threesome in a marriage that then came to an end isn't something that I'd be worried about sharing.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2011): She is his ex wife, meaning apparently that situation didn't help in bringing them closer to together probably. If that brought so much intimacy and closeness, why didn't they stay married. In my experience, people that feel the need to bring a 3rd person into the relationship are lacking something in their own relationship. It usually damages the relationship. looking to outside sources to help your own marriage is usually a killer for the marriage. How does he speak of this today? does he speak of it as if this was an awesome thing. one he refers to as "steaming hot sex"? or is this how you think it must have been? I would talk to him about this. Ask him if this is something he would want to do again maybe. If he says no, then I wouldn't worry about it. If he said yes, then that's another story. I wouldn't participate in a 3some with my partner because I know it would kill the relationship.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2011): Ever hear that threesomes open a can of worms in every relationship?
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