A
female
age
51-59,
*hinachik
writes:My boyfriend has had some trouble over the paternity of a child he was supposed to have concieved in a previous fling last year before he met me. He has doubts because the baby came 2months early and weighed nearly 7lbs on birth. The mother insists that the child is his but will not do a dna test to prove otherwise. He is being slated for not being in the child's life etc when he feels he can't bond with the child, not knowing if its really his. Anyway, he has asked to meet with the mother and child to get dna samples to get the whole thing cleared up, but the mother keeps delaying and playing games so that it dosen't get resolved. Why does she do this? Surely if she was so sure that the child is his- she would make sure that it is confirmed? So why would she avoid the dna test? Thanks
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2011): If he is that concerned about it he will pay whatever price to clear this matter up, i know i would its a small price to pay for the truth and peace of mind
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2011): Yes its true he could just stop paying for the child. If she takes him to court he can say he suspects the child isnt his and have the court order a dna test. He doesnt have to pay her a cent until he gets the dna test. I find it odd that the child was two months early and wieghed 7lbs. I was born 2 months early and wieghed 2 and a half pounds. My son was born at 40wks and 4 days and he was 6lbs 13oz. My second son was born at 39 and half wks and he was 7lbs 15oz. So it sounds sketchy to me. Its good to get a dna test.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2011): I think he needs to take her to court. Or something. I live in the US so i dunno how it works over there. But there is something up. There has to be a possibility that he is not the father or she wouldn't be acting this way. BTW my nephew was born a month early and was 7 lbs. so don't go by just that.
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A
female
reader, followtheblackrabbit  +, writes (17 June 2011):
 Not sure how it works in the UK, but here a supoena can be done to force the mother to allow a DNA test, especially if the alleged father pays child support. Have your bf stop any payments he makes to her and she should get the message that without a test that proves he fathered the child, she won't be getting anything. I hate to be sneaky but it bothers me to think that this could be his child and her games are cheating him of bonding with his dad, so your bf can simply attain the child's dna himself. He can have the child drink from a cup or the like, seal it in an airtight plastic bag and send it off to be tested. Again, I don't like sneaking but if worse comes to worse, it's a possibility... :(
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2011): Dear OP,I am an international lawyer based in Egypt, and member of both the Egyptian Bar, and The Law Society of England and Wales.I agree with the other poster about seeing a lawyer, and hence I decided to stop lurking, and advise you for free, and this is exactly what you'd hear from any competent lawyer;In Law, the plaintiff "that woman in your case" is the party responsible for providing evidence on their claim. This is a basic and golden rule in any legislation.Hereby in the event she has grounds to claim proof on parenthood, she is more than welcome to start, but until then, he shall ignore her totally, and make it crystal clear that the reason he is ignoring her is the fact that she has refused to let the baby participate to sampling.He can, alternatively, press charges on her and accuse her of 'blackmailing' him for financial purposes, using a child that is not his. This would lead her to either deny responsibility or go through it all and the DNA will then be a must.If he chooses to ignore her, then he must ignore her entirely until she either gives up, or fight for her baby rights, given she had already been informed with the reason. Sending a registered mail to her house asking her to cooperate can be of significant important at a later stage if things went the wrong way further.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (17 June 2011):
He has been very, very wise. Her attempts to delay the DNA test do suggest that he is not the father. He must not pay anything towards the child at all until this is resolved. If she is saying that he is the father, then she must be open to DNA samples. Until then, I would suggest that he contacts a solicitor to find out where he stands on whether he can force the mother to comply with the tests or not. If he can't force her to comply, then he mustn't have anything to do with the child or pay for it - either she will allow the test, or she won't. If she doesn't, then there is a very high chance it's not his child.
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