A
female
age
30-35,
*eedie
writes:im 21 years old and met my husband half way through last year.. he was the most charming, handsome man id ever met and id prior had several really bad relationships.. when i met my husband, ive literally never been so happy in my life.. we were so in love that we married in december.. VERY guickly! i also inherited a 6 year old stepson. my husband changed. when i cry, he just looks at me with cold eyes and says snide remarks, i will literally be down on my hands and knees crying out for god to help me and he doesnt care.. he says he loves me and i know he has some anger problems from his childhood.. i just want to escape.. the worst part is, we have my stepson on weekends and when hes around, my husband will speak to me calling me a selfish bitch, its all about YOU!, and little mean things like that, ill be balling my eyes out saying why are you doing this to me... and ill leave the room.. ill hear him playing and laughing and being completely normal with his son.. i think hes starting to destroy me.. im not sure if he is in the wrong or if i am but i just want the pain to go away. i want him to love me again.. anyone whos experienced anything similar, please help. i feel like im trapped with someone who hates me!
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female
reader, natasia  +, writes (19 June 2011):
 Unfortunately, your husband isn't a one-off - this is a type of behaviour that a whole group of men practise.
It will always be miserable with him. Yes, he might break you. You might get ill. He might hurt you.
You are still so young - there is so much of a chance of life in front of you. First, you have to actively stop loving him. Then, somehow, you have to get away. Be careful. But first, stop loving him. You can't love someone like that. It is too painful.
A
male
reader, Sex_counsellor +, writes (19 June 2011):
 You need to seriously consider if you wish to stay in the relationship with him being emotionally abusive in this way. Are you willing to put up with this behaviour?
I suggest taking some time out to consider your own feelings and what you want in life. This is NOT the norm for relationships and you do not deserve to be abused in this way, this type of a relationship is not healthy and will not end happily unless he changes but from what you say it sounds as if he doesn't accept he has a problem and therefore is unlikely to attend or be responsive to counselling sessions. Good luck
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A
male
reader, idoneitagain +, writes (19 June 2011):
You are in an emotionally abusive relationship. The first thing to do in making your life better is for you to read up on emotionally abusive relationships look like, and ways for you to make things better. I know you would like to fix your relationship, and that is a possibility, but it is statistically unlikely that he will change for the better of he is behaving as badly as you describe.
One other thing. You may love him, and he may say he loves you and he may have feelings inside of him which mean that he loves you, but the aspect of love you need to focus on now is in his actions. What are his loving actions like, are his actions as loving as his words. Your relationship is defined by how he acts not what he says more than anything.
Educate yourself so that you can start to know what you should expect from a relationship and how to empower yourself to get it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2011): What is causing you to cry in the first place?
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A
female
reader, natmarie +, writes (19 June 2011):
 Im sorry you are suffering. Do you have somewhere to escape too? Freinds or family? You really must start planning your exit,as hard as it may seem. That man is heartless,and cruel. He will destroy you if you stay. You are young,and have your whole life ahead of you. Don,t wait. Just go now while you still have some strength left,and don,t look back once you do. Cut all contact for good.as I suspect he will try to manipulate you into going back. Set a date,and leave. Do it when he has gone out if possible. Good luck. Let us know how you get on. Nx
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A
female
reader, meccamega +, writes (19 June 2011):
My ex was exactly the same too. No one deserves this sort of treatment from anyone, let alone their own husband. You should leave, I promise it won't get any better.
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A
female
reader, Dear Mandy +, writes (19 June 2011):
 Hi
And im guessing that when you are both around other adults, his back to being loving and caring?
You need to get out of this marriage asap, this man has a very deep distressing past that will only be healed with proper counciling. I think maybe he watched his mother being bullied in this way, and excepts it's the right way to be, when it definatley is NOT. You have been through many bad relationships and feel that you cant do no better than him, when ou CAN....for your sanity and mental health please do not except this behaviour any more. Nt only is he treating appalingly , he is now teaching his son the same thing, how very sad this is. Do NOT let him see you cry infront of him again he feeds of this, and this weakens you.Be strong now and move on from this, and remember your worth mor than this and do so much better, dont settle for this life because it will only get worse if he dont get help. xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2011): I was in a relationship for 8 years, i settled down too young and he was my first love, i had bad experiences with men before i met him and didnt have the best of childhoods so when my ex came along i fell in what i though was love and we had two children together. Things changed the minute i got pregnant, it was like everything that he said he would never do to me started happening. After my second child we broke up briefly and i hit rock bottom , i knew that i had to do something for myself so i enrolled in college to better myself and give myself better importunitys in life. Anyway, we got back together and at first everything was great but then he turned on me, ruined every bit of confidence i had, called me names, was abusing me mentally and emotionally and pushing me around, i thought i would never get away from him it was pretty scary time for me and leaving him for good was a big step, but i did it. :)
He got help, went to rehab for his drink,drug and anger problems and is doing pretty good, i moved on pretty quickly, i just didnt love him anymore he destroyed whatever we had, but thankfully i moved on to someone who actually shows me what love is, he never makes me feel scared or low about myself, he treats me with respect and is great with my kids, hes everything i've ever wanted and more.
I have never regretted leaving my ex, we just weren't good for eachother id never back down and he would never give up, we were a recipe for disaster.
Now everything that you have said about your husband is exactly the same as what i went through, you should not be blaming yourself, they want you to feel like the one in the wrong so that you don't ask for help because your too scared that people will think that you brought it on yourself, believe me i know. Hes trying to break you, this isnt love its a power trip. He thinks he owns you..!
It seems now that you feel you have nowhere to turn, well you need to turn to family and friends and ask them for their help, explain to them whats going on and move out for a little while if you feel you need to get yourself back to normal. You are an emotional wreck due to him, soo if you are to scared to confront him before you leave, write him a note or a text explaining that you are going to stay with family for awhile until he sorts out his anger problems, explain to him that you won't be back until he can prove that he is on the road to recovery. you really need to take action now before this gets any worse.
This will be very hard in the beginning but believe me the break will make you and him see things more clearer. i hope that this has been of some help to you, best of luck and let us know how you got on :)
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (19 June 2011):
He won't love you again, because he didn't love you in the first place. Things here moved far too quickly, and you by your own admissions have been in bad relationships before, which may have led you to to this guy (abused people will often seek out abuser after abuser because it's familiar).
You absolutely cannot stay with this man. You have to leave, and you need to get yourself some help that in the future, you avoid abusers. If you don't, you will very quickly fall into a lifestyle of choosing man after man who will abuse you, because you will know no different.
You know that you want to escape - so do just that. Get away from him, and really spend some time alone on your own life so you never go through something like this again.
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