A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend has recently started to go to the pub every Friday after work with his new work colleagues. I wait until he gets home from work all week before I start cooking dinner. He can get home after 6pm and he likes to chill out for a bit before he starts eating. But I will wait and then start cooking.When he got back from the pub last week and I told him I had already eaten - he wasn't very happy. He even tried to lie and said he was working late and then later slipped up that he had gone to the pub.He actually expects me to wait until he's home from the pub to then start cooking dinner, it makes him even later and close to our bedtime. I have had problems with my stomache for years and I really do not like to eat a meal at night. I don't mind if he's working late but I don't feel like I should wait while he's at the pub.My main meal is dinner, unlike him I don't eat all day and I am really hungry by the time 6pm comes, which all adds to the problems with my stomach. When he first started this job he said that his work colleagues are teenagers, he is 37, he also said that they like to speak about women in an undermining way. I don't know if they are rubbing off on him. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (22 June 2011):
 Men have a rich fantasy life. Besides the obvious sexual fantasies, they also dream about what their ideal home situation looks like. I would guess his fantasy is that he comes home and you squeal in joy and then wait on him. Home-cooked meals carry a certain emotional appeal, I think, to men who have been bachelors for years or who have been forced to eat pizza and take-out.
His dream is that he gets to come home to you.
Now, it sounds as though there has been a recent change. The new job, with teenagers, and now Friday nights at the pub. It wouldn't be surprising if you were just a squosh resentful of the altered circumstance.
So what he needs to see is that you have your own fantasy of how domestic life goes. It involves him dutifully making his way home in a timely manner and not hanging out drinking with underage kids at the pub then coming home at all hours expecting you to act as a short order cook.
Maybe you need to alter your own reality and *gasp* NOT BE AT HOME yourself on a Friday. Make Friday the GNO! (girls night out) You each fend for yourselves on that night and then Saturday can be date night.
Oh, and I'm with the people who think eating one meal a day, late in the day, isn't healthy. Go see your doctor and get that sorted out. Smaller nutritious meals during the day are much healthier and you won't be so famished on a lonely Friday night. Wait, your Friday nights aren't going to be lonely any more, because you are going to be out at your own pub with your fun girlfriends!
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (22 June 2011):
 I think it has all been said. My mom didn't cook for me on my schedule. My wife doesn't cook for me on my schedule. My roommates cooked for whoever was home. feeding yourself on occasion is not an undue burden.
Having said that, is there more to the meal than the food? Certainly, meal times are a social event. Just like Friday night pub visits. I'm thinking the problem is that he wants his social hour with the boys as much as he wants his dinner conversation with you. I think that you also enjoy the dinner conversation. He simply hasn't decided which he wants more.
I have a mathematical mind so the solution I see is fairly harsh/ unemotional. If he has 6 dinners with you a week and 1 pub night with the boys, you two are probably getting enough dinner conversation. So leftovers / frozen dinner / take out, etc are great solutions. But, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to stumble onto one of those, so we must be missing something. Is it the superior quality of your cooking? Is it the satisfaction of knowing you cared for him? When you get to the bottom of that, you will be able to find a solution that will work for both of you.
So as always communication is the key. Also see a Dr. or a dietician about your stomach. Like many here I believe you are taking the wrong approach. While I agree that eating late at nite is not good for almost anyone, several small meals during the day is healthy for almost all problems. Best to get an experts advice there. Who knows the guy may respect a medical opinion.
FA
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (22 June 2011):
 Last time I checked it was the year 2011, not 1950. You are not his servant/housewife. If he wants to stay out late at the pub and eat when he comes back, you should direct him to the fridge and tell him to make it himself. You can leave him leftovers or have a snack while he eats, but you are not his slave. I assume he has two hands and is capable of feeding himself. You shouldn't have to wait while you're hungry not only while he's out drinking and having a party but also while he relaxes.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (22 June 2011):
 oh NO
in fact HELL NO!
you cook dinner at the normal regular time. you then can clean up and if you feel like it prepare a plate for him from leftovers if there are any and cover it in the fridge.. he can heat it up himself when he gets home.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (22 June 2011):
What everyone else says - this guy is treating you like some servant, or his own mother. You're neither to him, so start making him do his own stuff.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (22 June 2011):
 Why are you cooking his dinner in the first place? When he comes home, let him cook it half the time. If he decides to stay out late, he can eat leftovers or cook his own dinner when he gets back home. This is a no brainer. You're right to eat when you please, and he's just taking you for granted. There's no rule saying you should cook him his meals even once a week. You could just stop all-together. He's pushing his luck with you... It's time to show him the alternatives. Stop cooking for him period and see how well that flies. Either you cook and he eats when YOU want to, since YOU'RE the cook, or he makes his own food. Or, you cook for you and eat when you want to, and if he wants to eat together he can cook the dinner himself. You're not his maid. Stop acting like one.
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A
male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (22 June 2011):
You are talking like you are a servant to him.
Cook dinner at a time that is convenient to you, he is lucky to have someone who wants to cook for him.
Presumably he has two hands to go with that primitive brain of his? Can't he just reheat your meal in a microwave, or cook for himself?
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (22 June 2011):
 This is not the 1940's, nor are you his personal chef - just tell him that on a Friday you will not be cooking his dinner when he goes to the pub because he gets home too late, and that is final.
He is a grown man, he can look after himself. He can even get a takeaway or something on the way back from the pub - he does not need to rely on you to feed him every day, he isnt a baby.
Stand up for yourself and dont give in - you dont need to cook for him every day and if you stop doing it on a Friday when he goes to the pub, he will eventually get used to it and will learn to look after himself. You are not his mother, you are not responsible for his food so let him deal with one meal a week by himself, it will be good for him!
As for your stomach problems - not sure exactly what condition you have, but I can tell you now if you only eat once a day it is not surprising that you have health issues. You must eat 3 times a day, breakfast, lunch and dinner - try it and I'm sure you will see some improvmements. Eating once a day is going to make you ill, try and look after yourself better and eat more frequently, your health will improve because of it I promise.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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