A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:A question to people, especially men, who are more than 3 years post divorce. How come a guy would still be struggling financially at that time to the extent that he can’t afford to rent the most basic apartment or run his car? This is assuming his income was not dramatically reduced except that he now pays maintenance instead of paying for everything for his child directly himself. He also has no debt. There are no longer any legal fees to be paid. (I’ve asked about any other expenses too) He pays his maintenance in full every month and then struggles to look after himself and doesn’t have a decent place for his child to stay in when he visits. I don’t get it. Unless the ex is not contributing her share and milking him for more money. Is this guy just faking poverty or does divorce really affect dads this badly so far down the line
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2011): I don't know any man who got divorced and WASN'T still financially strained from it 3 years later.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2011): If he's the decent type that pays up for his child, then yes he will be pretty hard up - but the men are allowed living costs - he's either using it as an excuse,using you or needs to be re-assessed in my view
My ex threatened violence when CSA contacted him so I accepted minimum payment without using them for our 2 children and worked all hours to make sure they didnt go without. It really wasn't worth the hassle.
I know alot of men who live pretty well run cars, holidays abroad even own their own home - and pay maintenance
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (24 June 2011):
This is how it works, roughly.
Say your boyfriend earns £30,000 per year. Take away tax at roughly 20%.
= 24,000
Then take away 10% of his earnings for his child (for one child, the CSA charges minimum 10% of pay after tax)
= £21,600
Then say he has mortgage or rent payments so his child and ex are housed. And let's say that he pays half of that, at an average of £300 per month. 300 x 12 is 3600
= £18,000
And he may even be paying his ex wife some maintenance too, and also there are pension contributions, food, travel, extras for child etc.
The answer? Yes, a man can be poor after divorce, often for a very long time. As another post suggested though, it might be worth him making sure that he's making the correct contributions, and not paying more than he has to.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2011): There is no real simple answer here.I have been through a very nasty divorce, to the point of filing for bankruptcy.I went from making over $1,000,000 per year to making $200,000 per year. Still, a very very good amount of money, but we all tend to live at a level that our salary allows. So, when for whatever reason, that gets altered, financially things can become very strained.So in some light, I will say that divorce can have a very negative and straining effect on one's finances. And that effect can last years, not just months.Now, on the other hand. I am involved in another relationship, have had a child, and am doing my best to move on. That, to me, means supporting my child and my new family. I do not know about your man, but I work as much as I can and try to always find the money to make sure that the bills at home are paid. I do not want anyone else paying my son's bills or the bills for me to live . I look at that as my responsibility. If your man is not willing to get a second job or work late or work at all or feels like it is ok for you to make up the slack, then, in my opinion, you need to get rid of him. You are simply acting as an enabler and letting him use the divorce as an excuse.
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A
female
reader, hilary +, writes (24 June 2011):
 In my view you looking at this all wrong. The question should not be "is he faking poverty?" it should be "why am I letting a man I do not trust live in my house and helping him with money?" This guy is sponging off of you.
His finances are his problem, do not make them yours.
When I come across a guy who is unemployed or has debts etc. I stay away and do not get involved. I have enough of my own problems and am not interested in becoming some guy's mother. If he cannot pay his way he would not be with me.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2011): My partner gives one weeks salary per month towards his children's upkeep. That is a quarter of his annual salary. This was calculated by the child support agency. He is on a moderately low wage and if he didn't live in my home, he too would find it financially difficult to maintain his own home and run a car. Before the child support agency were involved, he was giving half of his yearly salary towards the children's upkeep. And that resulted in him getting into debt and having to leave his rented apartment. So do make sure your partner is dealing with the agency and not just giving all he can to the point that he is unable to afford to live. The child support agency has a calculator on its website that accurately tells how much he would pay if using them. If he is already paying through the agency and suffering great hardship, he can lodge an appeal.
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A
male
reader, GRIFF TANNEN  +, writes (24 June 2011):
 and I doubt that anyone would fake poverty.
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A
male
reader, GRIFF TANNEN +, writes (24 June 2011):
I think you need to simple maths. His monthly salris, -maintenance, -rent, -car costs, -food and other living costs and then you've got bugger all left over if anything.
Unless you live in a communist country, it's almost impossible to live on a single wage these days.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (24 June 2011):
 i don't know about in your country, but in mine, the cost of child support for some men can be out the roof if the ex puts them through the ringer, like a lot of women do. so it's definitely possible he's really hurting for money.
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