A
male
age
30-35,
*lltheabove1212
writes:We really liked each other. Really close to dating. She would always say how she hadn't felt that happy in a long time when she was with me.Then she saw her ex and sort of went into an emotional breakdown. I had to back away a little so she could figure stuff out.I liked her, but always kept the line between helping and talking about her ex separate. So as not to get friend zoned. We did sexual stuff and were essentially acting like we were dating. But I slowly backed off little by little, because I was sure she liked me but needed time to figure out things. Now she's out partying, having fun, and she keeps putting on her Facebook that she's "finally happy!". And I feel like everything that happened between us, all the happiness I brought her...I'm just left behind. We're not dating. I'm in a very gray area of what's going on. We don't talk like we used to.1)Do girls lose feelings that fast for a guy (me).2)Am I right to be confused as to why I'm not included in her happiness now?
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2011): This is a textbook case of rebound relationship. I went through this years ago, and it was no party but now I'm a trooper. You have my condolences. For future reference be friends with a broken heart; never its lover. Celebrate in its happiness when the arrow who broke it returns armed and ready and makes it whole again. If you're incapable of being that friend than you're a better one to follow hello with goodbye. Don't hold it against your lady friend or her bf. You knew she was in love and not with you. You'll overcome this like a trooper.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (6 July 2011):
It's not really anything that you've done.
What's happened is that your friend was in a bad place, and kind of latched on to you for support. Now she doesn't need it, so she's pulled away. This has been about one girl trying to find happiness again, and she's done it. You were, in effect, a rebound.
This is an important lesson for anyone really. You can never expect someone in a fragile emotional state to behave normally. They will do things to try and sort out their emotions, that may include being ruthless at some stage. Therefore, it's always best to keep away from people in this state so you don't get hurt (as has happened with you).
So:
1 - This has nothing to do with girls losing feelings fast for you. This is more about a girl who never had clear feelings in the first place. In the future, choose a woman who is strong in her emotions and independent in her life. That way, if she likes you, you'll add to her life, rather than become a fix it man.
2 - You're right to be confused. But I think you need to let it go really. Your friend was in a bad place, you offered her some comfort and she took it. She no longer needs that comfort.
Sorry it's worked out this way for you. It's not you at all on this occasion. You've just been a rebound. In the future, focus on woman who know where they are in life.
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