A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm so fed up of people judging me for being with a married man. Once again my best friend has broadcasted on facebook that I am a homewrecker and my boyfriend will only cheat on me blah blah blahI started seeing this man a year ago but never asked him to leave his wife as I wasn't too serious and neither was he.Recently though we declared our love for one another and he offered to leave her, I'm feeling guilty and not liking the fact that I'm splitting a family up.How do I stop people judging me? I really do love this man and I want to spend my life with him. I just get the feeling I will have to choose between him and my family and friends.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2011): Listen, if his wife isn't fully aware he's dating you then he's cheating on her. You can never change dates of events and if you've got even a little overlap somewhere, you're screwed. This type of topic people take to the extreme. I know more women with grudges for things that didn't even happen to them, years later. Because everyone's been hurt and everyone's has an opinion and because women compete constantly. So my advice to you, is this: If he really loves you then he won't mind being left on his own to go about the business of separating and divorcing his wife, before you're going to participate in one more unauthorized moment with another woman's husband. PERIOD. Then get the hell out there. I mean it too. You're already wearing the jacket for the majority so instead of confirming it to the rest of the population, you can spare everyone some grief. HIS WIFE, youself and even his ass will be thankful he didn't run head first into shit creek strapped between to warring women. You will never live it down. His children, if any, will hate you. His mother, no matter how much she doesn't like his wife, you're worse. In his sphere of people in his life, you'll never know what they say about you when you're not around. You'll never know if he has to defend you to them, or if he even defends you at all. You'll have to worry about his kids scrubbing the toilet with your tooth brush and you'll always wonder if the people he indroduces you to were friends of "the family". You'll feel like a shitbag when you realize how bad that must have hurt the woman who trusted him. And as for that, you'll never trust him. You'll wonder if he regrets it, or blames you (like everyone else does)or what's stopping him from throwing you out with the trash even quicker. You, my friend are in for a long 'walk of shame' if you continue your involvement with him before the cord is cut. In certain places, your dirty laundry could be fair game in divorce court, and you bet she'll smear you too. Just DON'T. Don't let him be a coward. Make him do it himself and no pussy footing around until something happens, like she busts him. Well, Good Luck, Jezebel. Hey, Get used to it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2011): If you marry this man yourself one day, and then one day find out that he is cheating on you with another woman; can you honestly say that you would not judge him for cheating on YOU?
Presumably the friends that did not judge you for your relationship right now would also be on HIS side if and when he one cheated on you? -You wouldn't prefer them to support you in that case?
Also, to put it another way; if another woman had an affair with your dad/ grandad/ brother in law etc; you wouldn't judge either party for that either?
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A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (27 June 2011):
 first of all, stop calling that person your 'best friend' she obviously does not agree with what you are doing (no decent person would) but to broadcast it over facebook is just plain nasty and unnecessary. but there is no way on this planet that you can ask people to 'not judge' as everyone is very entitled to their own opinion, set of morals, feelings and beliefs, thoughts. just as you are expecting people to ACCEPT what you are doing, you will need to ACCEPT that they are judging/talking about you/ whatever.
free will. everyone's entitled to it unless they're doing something illegal
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2011): If you have so little respect for marriage that you would get involved with a married man, then think what it will be like to be married.
You are being judged due to your lack of respect. What else would you expect?
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A
female
reader, RedAthena  +, writes (27 June 2011):
 Since when does being in love with the wrong person make LOVE right?
You can not determine what other people think of you.
People ARE going to speak up if they think you are doing something wrong or where no good can come of it.
Your good friend is trying to give you a wake up call. That is what real friends do, they speak up at the sign of danger.
Marriage experts will tell you that MOST cheaters keep on cheating. Think about this, if he can cheat WITH you, he can cheat ON you later.
You are not liking that you are splitting a family up. That is your little voice inside of you saying this is NOT good.
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A
male
reader, mbill48 +, writes (27 June 2011):
I think you two need to do what your hearts tell you to do. If they are your friends and family they will always be with you TRUST me. Maybe he will cheat on you but made he won’t. I know a lot of people that have been on both sides some still happily after years and years getting a divorce from others to be with another. I wish you both the best.
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A
female
reader, a_maldita  +, writes (27 June 2011):
 Yeah definitely agree with chigirl... If you don't want people to judge you do the right thing... You can't be with this man for life not without ruining his family.
Come to think of it, what if you dad had another woman???
How would you and your mom feel???
Consider others feelings first and set aside yours since you already knew from the start that what you are doing is wrong and no matter how hard you try making it right it ain't gonna be right... So stop complaining about people judging you!!!
If I were you I would find a non committed man and have happy life because this guy cheats on his wife and I'm sure It won't be hard to cheat on you too...
Goodluck and you deserve better than being just the second choice!!!
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (27 June 2011):
 A foolproof method would be : stop sleepimg with a married man .
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A
female
reader, blueskyday +, writes (26 June 2011):
do you think anyone will be HAPPY your ruining a marriage forcing a man to divorce his wife, break a promise he made before his friends family and GOD ? no that's unreasonable YOU made the choice YOU have to deal with the consciences if you don't like it ignore it but you deserve people to tell you what your doing is wrong. chigirl is right she covered all the points also it's like a sexual abuser saying he's fed up with people treating him with disgust he made the mistake it was his choice sorry if my opinion sounds harsh but think about it you are breaking up a family , i just hope they don't have kids together that would be devastating. it's not that hard to find a non- married man think of the lives you are ruining the wife especially do you think she knows her husband is betraying her trust? this is so wrong for you to do i'm not blaming it ALL on you but you and this man have a share of guilt. either way you don't deserve to be rewarded or respected for wrecking a family.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2011): The way I see it, you have two options: either stop caring what people think and come to terms with the fact that people are going to judge you no matter what you do - OR, stop seeing a married man.
But I honestly think you should take a step back and look at this situation from different perspectives. First of all, what would you think if one of your friends was in a relationship with a married man? I, personally, would also think she's crossing the line & is, in fact, acting as a homewrecker.
Now, look at this from the perspective of his wife. How would you feel if you suspected your husband (who stood before your families and friends and, perhaps, before God and promised to love and be faithful to you for the rest of his life) of cheating on you? Imagine if you were his wife and you found out about his extramarital affairs. How would you feel?
And honestly, if he were to leave his wife for you - you have no assurance that he'd be faithful to you because his track record clearly shows that he is incapable of being faithful. But hey, it's your life. Good luck, love.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2011): You both made the decision you made and this is not anyone else's business. Ignore them.
Be careful though as when the mistress becomes the wife this creates a vacancy (this is a well known quote and not without reason). Don't waste your life as you're so young and have so much to live for and I'm assuming as he has wife and children he is much older than you.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (26 June 2011):
 Why are you fed up with people judging you for doing a bad thing? That's how society works! If you don't like it, start acting better.
This is like a criminal saying he's so tired of being put in jail each time he commits a crime.
But then again, as with the criminals, you only get punished once you are caught. So, if you want to continue being the mistress you need to keep it a private affair. In other words: don't broadcast it! Don't tell people!
I don't think your friends should judge you, if they do they aren't good friends. They can disagree with what you do, but judging isn't the place of a friend. Maybe they aren't as great friends as you think? Maybe you should just tell these friends that you broke it off and start having the affair a secret.
Another advice to you is that if family and friends don't like the guy... it's a red flag. Come on though, the guy being married is a huge "no no" in your face. It really says a lot about how much "love" means to him, and promises and commitment. He's a two timing jerk. So you love him, but there's a low chance of you having any future with him. Your family and friends know this, which is why they want to away from him. He's not good for you!
You make the choice, but don't complain about being judged for doing what you perfectly well know is something people will always judge you for.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (26 June 2011):
Morally, an affair is wrong. People will judge you for that. You can't make them accept what you're doing, because ultimately you are part of an affair that is precisely wrecking a marriage, and whether you like it or not, most of society will condemn that. Even other woman who have had flings with married men before you will condemn it, because they know ultimately that it leads to nothing.
Sorry, but there is nothing you can do to make people change their minds about what you're doing. In their eyes, what you're doing is wrong, and you'll have a hard time convincing anyone that seeing a married man is right.
You made a choice, and that was to see a married man. You have to accept that most other people won't like you for that, or trust you for that. That is the price of doing something that society says is wrong.
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A
male
reader, Dodds  +, writes (26 June 2011):
 How can anyone not judge you given the societal norms of our time...what of his wife? what of her feelings? what about their kids? What if you do end up with this man and later on down the road when he is bored with you,he decides to cheat on you with some one else leaving you alone and bitter? have you thought all this through,or will the emotional high alone suffice for now?to be blunt and honest with you,dont expect anyone to look favourably upon you or your actions,to some extent we all cast our lot in life and consequently to some extent too,we live with the choices we make.i probably as a man wont fully understand why you choose a married man,whether it be no strings attached or otherwise,yet there be much suitable males out there who could better suit your needs without the added baggage or risk of emotional harm to significant othersThe kind of answers you seek here,favourable to your cause i doubt you will find or maybe this feeling love is truly blindi just hope your actions dont cause too much hurt,either to you,your lover or his wife and kids
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