A
female
age
30-35,
*onka
writes: My boyfriend and I are 22 years old. Weve been together for about 5 years now. in the last 6-8 months he hasnt wanted to have sex... at all. The last time we tried was about a month ago, and his friend knocked on the front door so we stopped. We used to have sex a few times a week, so the change is pretty drastic. Whenever i ask him or try to make a move he just says he dosnt feel like it and thats the end of the conversation. He says hes depressed, and i feel bad about that i really do, but hes always depressed. if he fixes somthing he will find somthing less and make a bigger deal out of it. so i dont really buy it. Im not sure whats going on here and talking just seems to make it worse. If anyone can give me some kind of advice that would be great. I apologize for the grammer and any misspelling.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2011): Is your boyfriend seeing a therapist? If not, he needs to find one pronto. Depression is treatable, after all.
If he won't get treatment, then you need to decide if you can continue in a sexless relationship, and show him the door if you can't.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (5 July 2011):
A lot of people often don't understand how big a part of a relationship sex is. Truth is, it's a very big part - not the biggest, but certainly one of the biggest. And if people let the sex in a relationship disappear, or become meaningless, that's when relationships can and will start to come to an end.
Your boyfriend might be depressed about things, but he owes it to you to try and sort his depression so you two can have a normal relationship. That means professional help. He can't realistically expect you to just forget about sex and only do it when he wants it. That's not how a relationship works, and he really needs to step up to the mark here and sort it out. You two have been together for 5 yeas, and it would be a shame for you to throw that away, but at the end of it you deserve a fully functioning relationship, not just the shadow of one.
You are there for him, and I admire than. You need to make that clear to him. But I think now that you also need to be making clear that sex is important, as is his mental health, and that if he can't get help for it, you'll have to think about whether this relationship is right for you. You can't be celibate for the rest of your life, and he needs to get help.
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