A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been seeing a woman for the past seven weeks. We get on well and she has all the makings of the type of woman I want to settle down with. She's been hinting at a deeper commitment which I'm all for but there's one obstacle. I found out from five mutual friends that she has a track record of affairs and has broken up two marriages. Am I right to take her as woman who can't be trusted within arms reach and run like hell for the hills? Her last affair ended two weeks before we met ant it was one of the marriages she broke up. I haven't confronted her with what know. She'd just lie I bet. That's what those kind do right?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2011): Bad news run for the hills now while youre ahead.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2011): whoah man you got yourself into a mess. throw that broad off the train and hit the nitro button. change your phone number, email geesh get a face replacement so she doesnt recognize ya. dont get burnt like I did when I got mixed up with a broad who had an affair with a married man. she fit the stereotype ice cold lying cheating sick twisted sociopathic witch and she cheated with 5 different men when she was with me. go figure and she blamed me. youre taking a big gamble on a sick mindset man toss that broad.
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A
female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (9 July 2011):
 Hi,
Be greatful that you have good friends, that truly care about you...
Pls run as fast as you can and don't look back. Don't fall for her lies and don't feel sorry..
This person you are dating for 7 weeks is not the person you think, she's acting all nice, proper, caring...its all fake...
She will beg, cry, act innocent and sweet, but don't fall for her fake actions...
I hope you make the right decision...
Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2011): Run as fast and as far into the hills as you can. Don't give her another second of your time. You can't trust nor depend on her in any sense of the word. She's unstable; has no control over her emotions, both of which cause her to make choices based on her self gratification and pleasure alone, at the cost of anyone else. Take everyone's advice. Put her behind you. Sever all ties with her and leave her in the past or else you'll be taken for one hell of an emotional roller coaster ride, driven without regard by her. How can she be good for your emotions, when she doesn't have control over her own? Stay away from women who cheat or who are or have been the other woman. They're destructive sociopaths, for themselves and others. No way Jose. She'll leave you anyway for the next sucker. Get the h+ll away from her.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2011): a persond past is indicative of his/her future.
not all of the time but mostly true.
She WILL cheat on you.
some mistresses are remorseful. they have regrets destroying peoples lives but this woman does not give a damn.
run, run as far away as possible.
LoveGirl
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2011): "she has a track record of affairs and has broken up two marriages"This usually shows severe issues with self esteem and poor respect for the "sanctity of marriage", which will include hers as well as others.Sure, you could develop a relationship with her, but it won't succeed unless you get her to fully engage in disclosure of her past, as well as counseling to get over those issues and to help her maintain the relationship in a constructive manner long term (I mean long term counseling - for years as a couple).She won't trust you, why should she, she knows what married men do.She needs the reassurance an affair can give her, that she is "more attractive" than she thinks she is. You, as her husband or long term partner, will not be able to give her that for long.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2011): OP never ignore a persons reputation and history. Reputation is always deserved and history shows who a person is and what they will do. Don't listen to people who tell you otherwise and don't ever take a chance on someone who "might have changed". Even in CaringGuys scenario that it was years ago, people don't change only situations do and should a person find themselves in a similar situation you can almost always guarantee they will do the same thing.
Based on what you know about this girl what does it tell you? It tells me she doesn't give a damn who gets hurt as long as she gets what she wants or she's so weak willed that she is easily convinced to do the wrong thing by people. Neither of those things is good news.
She's bad news, end of story. A cheater is a cheater is a cheater, whether they were the one who was single or not. More than once is not a mistake it's a behaviour, behaviours are personality traits that you just can't get rid of. Sure she may never in her life cheat or be a cheater again but the part of her personality that gave so little regard for other people will always be there.
By all means talk to her about it, don't confront her, she's done nothing wrong to you OP, she doesn't deserve a confrontation.
No offence to the other posters but whether the married guy was also to blame is completely irrelevant because you're not dating those guys, what state that marriage was in etc. all irrelevant. What's important here is what it says about her and it says she's a huge risk. There's a massive chance that she may well disregard your feelings and hurt you or that she's so weak that the right guy can convince her to do anything. Or she could be like a girl I know who sees taken guys as challenges, she's so insecure that she sees guys who are spoken for as the ultimate test of her own desirability but as soon as those guys leave their girlfriends for her she loses interest.
I say run but seeing as she has been nothing but good to you, you've had a good time be nice about it. Don't think less of her as a person because of this, you should not punish someone when they've done nothing wrong to you. I don't like what my friend does with those guys but she's been nothing but a great friend to me, if she wants to prey on idiots then that's her choice but I would never view my friend as a relationship material because of it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2011): I would head for the hills. This person has no respect for exclusivity or marriage. And there is very little to build on with someone like that. She is probably just talking the talk with you because she knows what you want to hear. But with FIVE friends all giving you a heads up about her, i would definitely listen to them and be extremely cautious if you do keep seeing her.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2011): She didn't single handedly break up two marriages, no one is that all-powerful that they can take over a marriage and break it up against the will of the people in the marriage. The men she was involved with broke their own marriages the minute they decided to get involved with her, or with anyone else (if it wasn't her it could have been another woman, such is the case with married men who cheat on their wives).
That doesn't make her completely blameless, but to say that she is the one who broke up the marriages, isn't acknowledging that in a marriage it is your spouse who is responsible for staying faithful to you. She could have been led on by the married men to believe they were divorced or in the process of divorcing, for example. That's a common ploy used by married men to develop new relationships while still married.
she may have been involved with men who were themselves cheating on their wives, but that doesn't mean that she herself would cheat on her own partner. So before you stereotype her and label her, why not find out more about her past and whether she acknowledges her mistakes.
That said, she has a history of bad relationship choices (for example choosing to be with men who would lie to their wives and cheat on them) so on this basis I would question if she would make a good relationship partner because she seems to have poor judgment when it comes to relationships.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (6 July 2011):
 CaringGuy is right, and I agree that this one has red flag written all over it.
Even if she didn't have the reputation that she does, two weeks is no kind of time for her to recover from any sort of relationship. "Latched" is a perfect word in this case. She's been hinting at a deeper commitment, but can she even offer you that in return?
And, be especially careful if she is asking for things like money or material favors or your personal info.
A relationship is built on love and trust. It's in trouble when one of those things can't be built.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (6 July 2011):
If those affairs had happened years ago, and she'd had years to change her behaviour, then she's have been worth a shot.
But she ended one affair just before you two met - and I think that's a bad sign. No one can change their behaviour in less than three months. Sadly, she is still the woman who just three months ago was part of wrecking a marriage, and has at least one other wrecked marriage under her belt too.
This shows her up and someone who is emotionally unstable, and massively untrustworthy. She's not changed at all really - she'll still be the same woman.
I'm also worried that she seems to have latched on to you - perhaps you're a nice guy she thinks she can trample on? It's happened before.
This is one of those times that you should probably run. Not enough time has passed for her to have changed her behaviour, and she is more than likely to have another affair.
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