A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My ex has started going out drinking since our breakup, she very rarely drank alcohol before we broke up and now she's out doing it a lot. I care about her still, as much as I want to move on, I kinda don't want her out doing stupid things, she's hanging around with different people aswell.What should I make of this? and is there anyway to kinda influence her away from this kinda behaviour without looking like an idiot or something.Relevant information: She broke up with me
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (3 October 2010):
 You should stay clear. I know how odd it feels and how much it bothers you to see an ex do stupid things.. been there done that. But they are not your concern anymore. At this point you aren't even classified as her friend, and you should just stay clear of her.
It is good to watch out for and care about people in general though, just stay clear of this girl because there can come trouble out of it if you butt in. Technically what she does now is done of your business. But, if you have common friends you could perhaps talk to one of them and hear if they have any influence over her. Just let the friend know you are concerned and that friend might give you some insight on her situation.
In the end, she is a big girl and must stand on her own feet. It is very likely that he excessive drinking is a phase she is going through with partying a lot to keep you off her mind. Within a month or two I suspect it will calm down.
A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify +, writes (2 October 2010):
 she is behaving according to how she choses to behave, you can do nothing to change this. when people drink it is sometimes to forget and other times to get high. either way keep well away as she might start behaving eratically and this is not going to help you ignore her (get over her)...
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A
male
reader, slimfish  +, writes (2 October 2010):
 its called attention seeking.....stay out of it ank get on with your life. that is if you have one!.
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A
male
reader, $izZle  +, writes (2 October 2010):
 Hi, my 1st question to you is since you did say you care bout her .... do you still have feelings for her .... I don't know what happen with her and I'm not going to assume things
....whatever it is after the breakup she tried to work things out and it didn't seem to have worked the way she planned and she was hurt so she decided to drink her way through the pain .... she is drinking coz probably she is finding hard to accept fact that things didn't workout .... but we don't know the problem yet so what I would do if I were in your place is make her have some coffee or something that will make her sober and then just ask her .... It is easy to say its not my problem .... but when it comes to some1 that you care about you just can't leave it at that and watch them hurt themselves saying its its not my problem
well you do need to talk to her about this and since you did say that you don't wanna be with her anymore .... make sure she realizes before you leave that you are nothing more than a concerned friend
DON'T assume that she is drinking coz of the break up coz you might end up looking like a fool trying to talk to her about the break up when she is drinking her guts out for some other reason instead just be straight forward and ask her "what is bothering you ? what is wrong ? talk to me I'm here to listen to you and help you pull through this talk to me" don't be too pushy and b4 you leave don't forget to tel her something like "If you need a true friend im always here to help you" and look in her eyes when you say this .... remember this very important
this will send the message to her that you do care but only as a friend :) peace out bro!
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A
female
reader, SweetindianGirl  +, writes (2 October 2010):
everyone learns on their own!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2010): Im glad you split pal. She sounds emotionally unstable and vulnerable, stuff you dont need. With booze comes drama and a lot of immaturity. Youre a kind guy to wanna get involved. However, boozers can only help themsleves man. I see early stages of alcoholism here and the only way they can admit an issue is if they do it themselves. If u confront her, she'll get pissed and tell you to leave her alone as she's clearly just wanting a certain lifestyle right now. In addition, she will most likely be in denial shes out of control. Best thing for to do is keep out for own personal well being and hope things dont get too out of hand for her. I highly advise you stay away man. Its tough but believe me for yourself, it will be damn good. Best to you.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (2 October 2010):
 When a person has a drinking problem, the only one that can help them is them. All the talk in the world won't make them stop..they have to want to stop. I live with an alcoholic, trust me I know. Its sweet and kind of you to show her that you care, but since you are broken up, it isn't your problem any more and she may take your concern as meaning you still care and be trying to get your attention/sympathy. Perhaps you can talk to her family or friends, but I would not get too close or too involved sadly because it might get you drawn in again.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (2 October 2010):
Do nothing. You've broken up and she was the one who broke up with you. You can't act like her father or something. She dumped you. Let her go, or you'll wind up as a doormat or getting your head screwed up with mind games.
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A
female
reader, petina1 +, writes (2 October 2010):
 It may just be a phase she is going through to try and come to terms with the break up. If you show her that you are bothered about this then she may do it more to try and win you back. She is obviously upset. You may have to go in with the 'backdoor' approach and try to access some of the friends you shared to let them know to keep an eye on her and encourage her that way to cut the drinking down. She may feel that it is none of your business what she does now even though you do care still. Hope this helps.
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