A
male
age
36-40,
*ccc
writes:If a girl you loved dearly for 6 years breaks up with you for another man cause of "Grass is greener on the other side" and she comes back to you after realizing the guy was just after "attached girls" to use and abuse them. She asks for another chance and I tell her You obviously dont want to be with me and she says "NO I REALLY DO, PLEASE just give us another chance" id say "PROVE IT". She asks "how? I'll do anything to prove to you that I want to be with you..." WHAT do i say?What will be a good test for her to truly show me?I want to avoid looking like a pushover though and just take her back.. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Odds  +, writes (8 October 2010):
 "I know for a fact that if another guy comes along and he has the rite word to say when your relationship is taking a dip he could easily convince her to quit everything knowing that WOMAN are Emotionally driven."By this logic, cheating is alright if the other person was *really, really* hot, and/or she was bored. Because no matter how bad she hurt you, or how callously she discarded you and then expected you to forgive her, she still loves you... right?Reverse the situation. If you were to have a fight with her, then meet a prettier girl, announce that you are breaking up to meet the prettier girl, then get tired of her and went crawling back a few weeks later... would you *expect* to be taken back? Or do you think your old girlfriend would allow anyone to throw away six years just like that?The option that demonstrates proper respect for yourself as a man is not to allow this. There are certain kinds of mistakes we don't get to make even once.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (7 October 2010):
I don't think you're getting the point here about what we're trying to say about this girl. She is USING YOU.
Second chances only work when the person wants to come back for YOU. She's not. She's coming back because the other guy was a waster and you're the safe option. She threw 6 years away without a single thought for another guy, then came back only when that went wrong. She doesn't love you. She love the feeling of being with someone. you're just the safe option until someone else comes along. PLEASE listen to us. We have been there. I myself paid the price of letting someone back into my life. She hurt me AGAIN. It will not happen to me AGAIN.
Your girlfriend chose another guy over you. She's just coming back for safety, nothing else. She WILL do it again.
For God's sake man, keep face, keep dignity. You'll look a fool if you take her back, because she'll use you then lose you when the time is right. And then you really will look bad in front of far better women.
P.S. - first loves nearly never work out. Don't be fooled by that either.
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A
male
reader, Cccc +, writes (7 October 2010):
Cccc is verified as being by the original poster of the question So you guys honestly dont think people make mistakes even if they are immense?
What do you say to.I take her back and when she does it again I know?People do some stupid stuff I know but I think her decisions where impulsive.You mean to say that my First True Love will be someone who's always going to do this kind of thing?I know for a fact that if another guy comes along and he has the rite word to say when your relationship is taking a dip he could easily convince her to quit everything knowing that WOMAN are Emotionally driven.I know people personally who do this kind of thing.They are after attached woman and Ive asked them also what they think and they said that I should give her another chance cause the power of manipulation is overwhelming if someones is Down and out in a relationship.
Gosh so much for First Love...I mean we where each others First Loves and we have been through thick and thin.You really think I should not give her a second chance?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2010): In my opinion she blew her chance as soon as she threw away 6 years for a fling with some other guy. From what you've written the only reason she came back was because he turned out to not be as great as she thought. That's basicaly saying "well this guy who i dumped you for isn't as great as i thought so you'll do". What happens when she sees another guy she's likes the look of and runs off with him? Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. Find a girl who would never do this to you, you won't regret it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2010): If you feel that what you had is worth another shot go give her a chance you both deserve that chance of happiness,good luck to you both.
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (6 October 2010):
Don't give her the chance. Any test, no matter how harsh or strict, is going to (correctly) make you look like a pushover.
You may have loved her, but she betrayed you for a newer, more exciting guy. The only lesson in loyalty she can hope to learn is that betrayal = loss. Teaching her that might make her a decent girlfriend for the next guy to come along.
Seriously. There are better girls out there who understand loyalty. If you take her back, she will feel entitled to cheat, ignore you, or generally disrespect you.
In her eyes, the only way you are special is that you are a safety net. She does not love you; she intends to use you for all your worth. When you are 35 and married, she will take your house, kids, and future income without a shred of guilt. Do not take her back. If the situation were reversed, I'd be giving the same advice.
Those couples you hear about who are stronger afterwards? Both of them are putting up a front. The victim is resentful, both of their partner's infidelity and their own weakness; the cheater is resentful of their own infidelity and their partner's weakness. Both would happily take a better option if they believed it existed. Don't fall for it.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (6 October 2010):
If she had come back because she wanted YOU, then you could try again.
But she's not.
She's come back because HE wasn't a great guy. You're just a safety net.
Don't mix up making a mistake, and using someone as a safety net. She dumped you for another guy, and when she found out she was abusive, came back. That's the only reason. She didn't come back because she loved you. She's a liar. Please don't make this mistake. She'll just use you again until someone else comes along. That's how these people work.
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A
male
reader, Cccc +, writes (6 October 2010):
Cccc is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBut Ive heard so manny couples go through the same thing and when they reunite they are soo much stronger!
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A
male
reader, Cccc +, writes (6 October 2010):
Cccc is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell my life with this person was never bad and we where both really good influences on each other.It was not abusive and it was everything a guy could ask for!I am in the healing stage now and personally I want her back even now that I have accepted that it may never happen!
The prove it thing is what I need to see to be able to believe her and trust her again.
I would take her back any day its just I dont want to lose her again!And yes I could have been there more for her and I wish I have!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (6 October 2010):
Personally, I'd not give her the chance. You were dumped by her for another guy, and she only came back because he was an abuser. She didn't come back because she wanted you personally. If he'd been a good guy, she would still have been with him, and not you. She came back to you because you're the safety net. What happens when she finds another guy? She'll dump you again.
I don't agree with games. If you are going to take her back, then you have to take her back and not 'test' her or make her prove things. You either trust her and work at it, or you don't. But, seriously, I don't think she's worth it. I think she'll leave you again when someone else comes along.
You don't want to look a pushover? Never take her back.
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (6 October 2010):
 Don't play mind games. I would just make her wait, to see if she really means it. Over time, she will either miss you more or get used to being alone. the desperation she's showing may just mean she doesn't like the idea of being alone and it co-dependent.
giving yourself some space will also make you realize what you want too, wouldn't it hurt more if you brought her back into your life and she did this again? give yourself time to heal and gain some perspective on whether you want this kind of person back in your life.
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