A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I married my best friend 15 years ago (we were both 18) and we've since had three kids. Our two oldest are 12 (fraternal twins) and our youngest is 9. Recently, I've been having feelings of doubt for our marriage; these feelings came about when I met up with an old friend of mine and my husband's.He and I actually dated for a small while before my husband and I got together. This man got married but then divorced 7 years ago after 3 years of marriage; his ex wife later got into a car accident and was killed instantly. They had one kid who is now aged 6.Things have gotten a bit more complicated since he and I went to lunch together and I didn't tell my husband. But everything came back to me. We only shared 2 months but I thought he was the sexiest thing on earth! But after we broke up 19 years ago, I was devastated only because, at the time, he was my rebound guy. (I was dating someone else before all of this occurred.)Enough confusing you, in the end, he and I really reconnected. Turns out we have a lot more in common than we used to and my husband and I have basically fizzled out by now. I mean, yes, I love my husband to death. I'd still give my life for him but this other man gives me life again.How do I deal with this before things get out of hand? I need to keep my husband's and my kids' feelings protected.
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female
reader, Agonized  +, writes (8 October 2010):
I feel for you! I am in the same boat. After reading all the advice I know what I need to do and what is right, but unfortunately emotion always seems to win over logic. But everyone is right. The grass is never greener on the other side. Eventually you would feel for this man what you feel for your marriage right now...Passion never lasts forever............I just keep asking myself, would I be satisfied with mediocrity my entire life? But I guess it would always get there.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2010): you do not care as much for your kids and husband if you could start an affair with your common friend. simple.
i dont know what your expectations are but MARRIAGE IS HARD WORK. if you care to not work on it, divorce your hb. women desire and crave good men, i think your hb is one of them. soooooo, choose your new man or your husband and family. there are no complications. it is just a choice.
i feel for your hb bec you are pulling a fast one over him. do the decent thing , if you can and end your marriage. i think after 15 years your hb deserves some good, exciting sex. after all he too must be suffering in this boring marriage. why must you only enjoy another manon the sly. your hb deserves to feel passion too.
what is good for the cheating spouse is better better for the faithful spouse.
-LoveGirl
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A
male
reader, Cccc  +, writes (5 October 2010):
 YES LISTEN HERE! If I could I would restrain you from doing this..I mean this is like running head first into a bullet train coming straight for you! I DO not know however how you cant see this?Anyway Rather then looking for the FLAME somewhere else why dont you try and re Acquire the flame with your husband?And no its not impossible but yes it does burn out if we dont put energy into it!Id recommend couples therapy with the idea of getting the flame back.OR just buy a book and try it yourself.Do the little things youve always enjoyed but youre not doing anymore.Have Passionate sex and not just lustful sex!I know long term relationships tend to get Boring and watered down after a while but this is perfectly normal since were only human but once again the TRICK is keeping the flame alive!If you struggle to think of ways then think about HOW to break the everyday CYCLE you have...
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A
female
reader, DenimandLace44 +, writes (5 October 2010):
 You are feeling loved and excited. You are feeling alive like you havent felt before. You are feeling addicted to him and the way he makes you feel. You say he gives you life.
Trust me when I say, that this will cost you everything before it is over. And in the end, you will have nothing left but the taste of ashes, and a heartful of regret.
Please stop this now, while you still can. It's not too late. It isnt worth the price you will pay.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2010): I want to tell u my story and hopefully this will help save your marrage. I was married for twenty two years to a woman that I loved with all my heart everthing was wonderful five great kids a beautfull house and no real money worries. Then three years ago she had a brief affair with a married man and that absolutley destroyed our lives. I actually had a mental breakdown and ended up in hospital because of her affair. After all that I ended or marrage because I could not forgive her even after she beg me to. In the end we all lost out because of her imatureity. She is now about to go into a rented home and have lost the respect of her children that once adored her. So do yourself a big favour and do not contact this RAT of a man again. ( I only wish my wife had asked for advise before she done what she done and it might have saved our wonderfull marrage) Please do the right thing and dont destroy your family u will only end up heartbroken. Nicky
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A
female
reader, Jen1689 +, writes (5 October 2010):
 When I read this, all I saw was "wrong, wrong, WRONG!" Don't you dare contact this man again. Not only will it be the end of your marriage and your family, but it will be the end of anything good in your life. This man was a flame of two months (and he was a Rebound). You're really willing to risk your marriage for something that happened when you were a teenager? And something that wasn't even that serious to begin with? You love your husband. Life isn't going to keep you on your toes 24/7. Your day-to-day life isn't going to give you butterflies like it used to when you were young. All of your "firsts" have been experienced pretty much. House, marriage, kids, etc. Not much else to look forward to, right? Wrong. How about growing old with the man you fell in love with? How about planning retirement together, possibly traveling once your kids are out of the house? How about REALLY thinking about your situation before you contact this other man again. I can already tell you what will happen if you don't, and believe me, you won't like the outcome.
Please, for the sake of your sanity, well-being, husband, and children, don't even bother with this other man. He's truly, truly not worth it.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (5 October 2010):
This could be yet another tragedy, and a big mistake on your part.
Think. You've been married to your husband for 15 years. You have 3 kids together. You've both not been putting as much effort into your marriage as you could have. So to becomes stale, you get bored. It's the usual story.
Then you meet an old flame, don't tell your husband and suddenly you feel like you have life again. You're on top of the world. You even think about an affair.
But the problem is you're living in nostalgia land. You're looking for a short escape from your normal day. So of course the new guy looks great.
Won't be so great if it goes further though. You'll lose your loyal husband, your kids will hate you more than anything and this new guy will fizzle out in the same way.
You want to do the right thing? Cut contact with the new guy, take all your new found energy and put it into your marriage. For God's sake don't throw away your marriage for the sake of some guy you had 2 months with. You'll lose everything.
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A
female
reader, SillyB +, writes (5 October 2010):
 Also, imagine how you would feel if your husband was the one in this situation and wrote this letter...
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A
female
reader, SillyB +, writes (5 October 2010):
No contact with the other guy. Go back to your life and work on your marriage and relationship with your kids. NO CONTACT with the other guy - no texts, phone calls, emails or dinner.
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