A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi,can anyone help.My 7 yr old daughter who is usually a happy little child,has turned into an moody arguementative and basically nasty.She has just started junior school and i have a feeling it could be this.She has been split up from all her friends.She seems to have little friends in this class,and finds this hard.She has really been quite vile to both her father and i saying she wishes we were dead.I've sat with her and tryed to talk but she isn't willing to do this,i just get verbal abuse.She even scractched my face and also my moms hand.I've made an appointment to see her teacher for next week.I think i know what the problem is but i don't know how to help her.She is painful and awful to be around.I just want my lovely little girl back.
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female
reader, Nime  +, writes (5 October 2010):
 I have no reason to suspect this, but JUST IN CASE, can you sit her down and ask her if anyone has been touching her inappropriately or hurting her? You said she's gotten into junior school so I'm assuming most of the kids there are older than her. Sometimes bad things happen when you mix older kids with younger ones. Sometimes kids, even prepubescent ones, do very bad things to each other, especially if someone has been doing bad things to them. Your daughter sounds very angry about something; it could be her new lack of friends, or it could be something more sinister that she doesn't know how to talk about because she's afraid or guilty, or doesn't know it's abuse. I know I'm leaping to possibilities here, but the vast majority of kids put up with abuse and never say a word about it. Why, I don't think anyone really knows. But I don't think it can hurt to ask her.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2010): It sounds like she is blaming you or resenting you both for the situation she finds herself in. This might be sparked by her new surroundings particularly if she is unhappy..... but also her anger might be displaced. For example if she is facing confrontations at school and is unable to express them it might be coming out on you. It sounds like a good idea speaking to the teacher - who could monitor things or give you a different insight. Rather than confront a child "Why are you being horrible?" it is best to ask indirect questions which might bring something to light such as "I'd be really happy to see you smiling again - what could we do to make that happen?" or something like that. Just an idea. I hope you resolve the situation.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (5 October 2010):
Well there is something getting to her for her to suddenly do that. You may well be right about her being upset about moving away from her friends.
You could try just gently talking to her about it. Or maybe see a counsellor. That's all I can think of.
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