A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I both own houses. He rarely comes to mine but wants me to come to his. He has a child that he has custody of every other week and we get along great. I have suggested for the kid's stability that we do the week he has his kid at his house and the other week at mine. We still end up spending all of the time at his house because he never wants to do the drive to my house... we live 25 miles apart. He has now asked me to chip in for utilities, house repairs, his maid service, and major purchases like tv's etc. at his house. I pretty much buy most of the food when i am there and cook it and babysit his kid all of the time. I also use my free time to drive to his house and then back to work which is near my house so i have to do a round commute of 50 miles. It seems unfair to me because i have all of these same expenses at my house and do spend at least 1/3+ of my time at my own house. I havent moved into his house... have no real space of my own. Why do i want to chip in for a large screen tv at his house when i do not have one at my house. When i am not at his house I do not get to enjoy anything at his house. He now is telling me he feels uncomfortable with me coming over as much if we do not develop a joint account for expenses at his house. I suggested he spend more time at my house to balance it out and he refuses.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2010): This guy needs to wise up to himself,he`s obviously taking you for a ride get rid
A
female
reader, almc +, writes (6 October 2010):
Tell him no!! That's your money. You work hard for it and should put it into his bank!!! From the way I'm reading it, it seems like you make the money, and you should be giving any of it to him. I say get a new boyfriend and leave him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2010): Thats terrible, he is cheap, its obvious. And you still sleep with him after this conversation?? I would be so offended and disgusted with him,he wouldnt have my respect anymore. Its just terrible of him to have this money conversation with you.
Whatever reason he has, its not your problem. You are a woman and he should protect you from life hardships not giveng you one.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (6 October 2010):
 In a bizarre way, I think he thinks he's being taken advantage of. Or he's really broke and can't afford gas and things like new TVs and his utility bills. My guess is that he actually is living beyond his means and has rationalized and contorted and fiddled and figured and jiggered and poked prodded and rearranged the facts until they suit his point of view. The facts that don't apply are conveniently ignored.
Another alternative theory is that he is passive-aggressively forcing you to give up your home.
Take this suggestion to your accountant and see what she (or he) makes of it!
You could retaliate in this bizarre little drama by adding up all the cash you've laid out, the gas money, the food purchases, etc., and then don't forget the labor costs for cooking, tidying, whatever odd jobs you've done around the house, and present him with THAT bill.
Honestly, I think there's some strange logic he's working with and you just need to discuss why it is your relationship is now built on debt, what he thinks is money owed to him. Very strange indeed.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (6 October 2010):
If you don't live there, you don't pay. Simple as that. You're not here to give him money for his lifestyle.
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (6 October 2010):
 I'd say that, given that he is divorced and sharing custody, he's probably paying for a house he doesn't get to live in at all, and considers this fair. Divorces will screw a guy up that way.
Ignore that last paragraph if it isn't true.
If you don't feel it's fair, this is one of those things you don't really have to negotiate. It'd be better if you talked to him about it, maybe tried to help him get past his seperation, but if that fails, you can simply say (politely!) you are not paying unless you get space of you own, or unless he starts coming to your house once in a while and preparing food for you.
If you do end up agreeing to do it, you won't really have the right to hold it over his head later, though. It may be out of line to ask you to pay part of the bills, but if you accept it, the onus is on you from then on.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (6 October 2010):
 Do not get a joint account unless you marry the guy. You could get royally screwed. Does he chip in for your gas driving back and forth?
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