A
female
age
36-40,
*isa4u
writes:HiI am married with 2 kids, but the guy i love i have known him past 10 years. Well in between we lost contact.Then now we are back in contact. He doesnt know I am married with kids and that i am still with my husband(verge of sepearating from my husband)Just recently he told me he loves me, his seen me 10 years ago but that time we never had any feelings. He hasn't seen me face to face but his seen a picture of me on face book but it wasnt me it was my sister. i went with the flow because he liked what he saw. yet but we talk and text every time.He understands me and i understand him. He's like my best friend and my soul mate.What do i do he's asked me to marry him, but he dont know i have kids and am nearly getting a divorce from my husband. Someone please help
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best friend, divorce, soulmate, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Nisa4u +, writes (5 October 2010):
Nisa4u is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you guys for all your kind gestures
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2010): He is in love with a fantasy, reality has a tendency to change things. I think that when he finds out you have been hiding things and lying to him he wont be too happy with you. You should never start one relationship without finishing another, and your former partner should know that the relationship is over as well.
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (5 October 2010):
 I hate to be the one to bring a reality check to this situation, but that last paragraph scares me.
"What do i do he's asked me to marry him, but he dont know i have kids and am nearly getting a divorce from my husband. "
Now when taken into the context of this "He hasn't seen me face to face but his seen a picture of me on face book but it wasnt me it was my sister."
I would be highly sceptical. He has asked you to marry him, but hasnt seen you in the flesh? Hasnt dated, hasnt had sex with, hasnt even see what colour your eyes are!!
*warning lights flashing"
This is a train crash waiting to happen. Does your husband know you are on the verge of separating from him, or is he blissfully unaware that you have been having an emotional affair behind his back?
Do you really think you will walk out of one unhappy relationship and into a fairy tale with someone you havent met since school? People change, attitudes change, personalities change. He may not be the same man you fell in love with all those years ago. He may have charmed you and flirted with you, but you are emotionally vulnerable at the moment and any man showing you attention would have got your interest. At the moment he is telling you everything you want to hear.
Take off the rose coloured glasses. Too many people will get hurt from this. You, your husband, your "boyfriend" and most of all your children.
You are no longer a lovesick teenager. Time to grow up and act like an adult.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (4 October 2010):
Hi there. You are still with your husband. Even though you have said you are about to separate - are you sure of that, of is it just because this guy has come back on the scene again?
It's a bit of fun for you, some newness into a life that has become a bit monotonous perhaps.
You do have to be honest with this guy from your past, because sooner or later he will find out anyway. And if you do take the step to actually see him, he'll know straight away, that you lied about your photo. So that's not a very good start for a relationship. From there he'll be thinking - "Well, she lied about how she looks, I wonder what else she's lied about?" I guess you didn't think about that now did you?
Why did you put your sister's photo on Facebook instead of yours? Don't you feel confident about how you look now? It doesn't sound like it.
You are going to have to do some serious thinking about what (and who) you really want in your life. Unfortunately, the grass isn't always greener on the other side. It only seems that way - through our rose-coloured glasses. Consider that very carefully. If you don't, you might take an action you will later regret. And it will be sooner rather than later that you will.
You say that this guy from your past life, now wants to marry you, when he hasn't even seen you for 10 years! So what you are really saying is that, he's proposing marriage to you after 10 years not seeing each other, and only just recently speaking to each other on Facebook! Wow!! Don't even consider saying yes to him.
Even if you and your husband are actually in the process of getting a divorce, to then consider marrying someone else, you would have to at least be seeing each other, plus getting to know them properly and what makes them tick.
So for it to ever go any further (and only after "If" and "When" you do separate and divorce from your present husband), you will have to eventually start dating this guy again. You might find you don't even like him. Talking on Facebook and seeing each other face to face in the same room, are not quite the same thing. People don't always tell the truth on those talk sites. What you see is not always what you get. You have proved that yourself - someone else's photo, plus you haven't mentioned that you are married with 2 children.
Please have a very serious rethink about all this. A lot of people stand to get hurt - including you.
Hope this is helpful to you. Take care and best wishes.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (4 October 2010):
You've got to come clean. End of. You can't hide this in any way. This seems to be moving far too quickly anyway. But you need to tell him, now.
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