A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I recently broke up with my gf or 5 yrs. It's about the 15th time or so that this has happened very possibly for the last time. She has major men issues. She has never had 1 positive male role model in her life. I had sent most of or time proving to her that I was someone she could count on. She has a good side that is covered with anger. I love her very much. I can't get her to trust me or open her heart, its like stone. She constantly pushes my buttons to try to get me angry and sometimes she succeeds. She wants to get married, so she says. She has given back 2 rings, she runs out on me at the slightest bit of discontent. It is always me coming back to her.She knows how I feel and because I always come back she now has no respect for me. instead of her looking at me that someone who will take her as she is. She just wants me to be a mute and just take her wrath at her whim. I'm human, it's not always possible. She can start a fight at the drop of a hat over nothing and it can lead to one of our breakups. She only treats me and with anger. I had never given her 1 reason to not trust me other than admitting that I once did have an afair 16 years ago when I was married, but told her I never did it again because I didnt like the way I felt. She at 36 still lives with her mother and blames her for not teaching her how to love. I have been showering her with it constantly. Its like she doesnt want to see my value or give me any credit. I am the ulimate positive and her the opposite. I know I have loved her like no one else. I'm not hopeful but do you think she will ever have an apiphany and knock on my door?
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female
reader, Thoughtless +, writes (3 October 2010):
 She sounds just like what I was. It's just that men have hurt her so much she is afraid she opens up to u she will get hurt. But on the other hand she wants to be with u (or so it seems from what u wrote). It's going to take A LOT of will power but u MUST NOT go back to her this time. If she loves u as much as u love her she will start to miss u dearly and come looking for u. It might take sometime but she when she realizes she had something good she will come. And i don't know how u handle ur separation time but have AS LITTLE CONTACT with her as POSSIBLE, so she feels ur absence, this will make her heart yearn for u. Be patient & have subtle conversations with her if u bump into her. And if after awhile she doesn't come back than I suggest u just move on.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (3 October 2010):
15 times! I certainly admire your loyalty. But the time has come to move on. She has serious issues and has done nothing about them. There is no way that she can change, and you need more that this.
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (3 October 2010):
 it sounds like she needs to do some healing on her own, as she cannot recognize a good thing on her own. The pain of abandonment or abuse, whathaveyou, has left her too scarred and numb to do anything but push a possible human connection away from herself. You obviously can't make a person get help/counseling when he or she doesn't seem ready to. She needs to come around to you this time, but if she uses you for a verbal punching bag again, throw in the towel because you cannot be punished for OTHER MEN'S mistakes all your life, you deserve better than that.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2010): There could be two things here. A wide misunderstanding between what you expect from each other OR her behavior, which due her circumstances has become like this, in which case, she needs counselling.
What I think you should do is wait, and not go back to her. I think she will definitely revert back to you since she doesn't seem to have anybody else loving her the way you do...that will create a sort of void in her life.
So I'm sure she'll come back.
BUT. That does not guarantee that she won't behave in her belligerent way in future. She won't have a sudden realization, if you know what I mean.
I think you should confront her with her shortcomings. She might blow off her lid, but you must be at it. You must ask her where is this relationship going if there are constant fights over the smallest of things and if you guys keep breaking up.
Even if she pretends like it doesn't bother her, I'm sure, deep inside, it will trigger some kind of a thought.
You must keep confronting her with these questions. I'm sure it will have some kind of an impact. Ask her how you can work things out. Hear her answer.
And you must make her realize in a subtle way that what she is doing is wrong and that moreover, Repulsive. Once you're successful in doing so, I'm sure the situation will be more under control. You must ensure that both sides---you AND her, work towards this relationship, not ONLY you.
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