A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:just wanted to get people's opion on this to see if I am being completely irrational or whether I am right in asking my boyfriend not to gamble anymore...my boyfriend recently started "making money" on gambling websites. he uses free introductory bets and does the opposite bet on another site "guaranteeing" a win - it more complicated than that but that is the jist. But I am worried about this, as there is no such thing as easy money - it always comes at a price plus there are the following elements, reasoning my big concerns:- gambling is addictive- he says he is only "making money" and denies being addicted but spend hours on their website in past 3 weeks, and get loads of emails about it and reads things on forums.- he spends lots of time on internet gambling that could be spend with me or doing something healthy or more positive- he has a perfectly good job so don't need to do desperate things like this to "make money" - its just greed- he thinks he is so clever and can "beat" the system and make money just like all the other gamblers- I am 5 months pregnant so security is very important to me right now - gambling is the most unstable thing that could happen in my life- gambling site can be cover for criminal activities and are riddled with scams and cons- he gives his credit card details to these companies - 3 of these showed up on my credit search as having viewed me because I am financially associated with him - this intrusion of privacy is really upsetting but he is not respecting this - I worry what else they may do with his and my credit details and feel vulnerable- I worry about him gambling behind my back and loosing money that will cost my home, future and security- I have told him this is damaging our relationship and explained to him all the above concernsAfter ignoring my comments I have finally got his side of the argument:- he doesn't want to be told what to do- he is making money and I am trying to stop himIts not a case of telling him what to do, its my concern for him, plus the inevitable downward spiral that gambling results (how else do these sites make money?!) and the effect this will have on us and our son. I even tried reasoning with him on the basis of yes he is making money right now, but can he not stop his fun for me and his unborn child seeing as its causing me so much stress which isn't good for baby.Are my worries unnecessary and stupid as he claims they are, and should I chill out and let him get on with it and "not tell him what to do" or should the alarm bells be ringing as loud as they seem to do?thanks for all advise! xx
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (26 August 2011):
 My college roommate’s father was a professional gambler. Her life growing up was up and down and totally insecure. One day there was money and the next day none. She resented her father big time. Her mother finally divorced him and remarried a nice stable, responsible man. My friend had the security she so badly needed but it was too late as far as her feelings toward her father went. The stories she told me about her childhood were very sad, evictions, repossessed cars, constantly moving and changing schools, hard candy Christmas' and birthdays, and just plain never know what was going to happen next. It is no way to raise a child.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (26 August 2011):
I have a rule: When anyone suggests my worried are "stupid", or that I'm being "ridiculous" or whatever - that's the time to worry and know that you're right to be worried.
You're absolutely right to be worried when your partner is supposedly making money gambling, because you can't be sure that he is always making the money.
I wonder how much this pregnancy is getting to him. Perhaps he's not coping with the idea of being a father and is trying to live in fantasy land or something.
I think you need to really throw your toys out the pram, or you need to open up your own, private account and put money into it. Do not sit back and let him ruin your financial security at the most important stage of your life whilst you're pregnant.
You're not controlling him, you're trying to make sure he doesn't screw up your child's chances of a good start in life. Make that word perfect so there can be no mistake.
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