A
female
age
30-35,
*rivateGirl
writes:So basically my ex and I broke up 5 months ago. He has a new girlfriend but he still wants us to be "friends". I have feelings for him still and he wants to meet for coffee. Do you think it's a bad idea?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (3 September 2011):
 Andy00 's is a good sytem but perhaps a bit passive-aggressive for my tastes. I would simply, flatly tell him "Thanks but I don't think it's a good idea"- no further elaboration required. If you really feel you MUST add something, tell him " I don't believe in staying friends with exes. Once I move on, I move on ".
A
male
reader, Andy00  +, writes (3 September 2011):
 You don't have to give a reason in great detail. Just explain to him that you're busy, but that it would be great to catch up some time and say that you'll let him know when you're available. Then leave it at that and see how you feel after more time has past. Whatever you do, just don't rush yourself!
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A
female
reader, PrivateGirl +, writes (2 September 2011):
PrivateGirl is verified as being by the original poster of the question So basically if I do decide not to go for the coffee does anyone have any advice of what I should say? And by the way thank you everyone!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2011): Get re-united and try if it works . Go for having coffee with him. best of luck!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (2 September 2011):
 Since you still have feelings for him, I would not go out for coffee or have any contact with him, BUT if you can use this as a sort of closure, maybe it's not the worst idea. It really comes down to how you feel about it all.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (2 September 2011):
If you still have feelings for him, obviously a bad idea.
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A
female
reader, Trinklett  +, writes (2 September 2011):
 You still have feelings for this guy. That's reason enough not to see him because you're gonna want more than meeting up for coffee. He's with someone else and can only hurt you all over again. Summary: Its a bad idea
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (2 September 2011):
 Hell yes.
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A
male
reader, Andy00 +, writes (2 September 2011):
I've been in this situation before. I've met up with an ex on a few occasions after she had started seeing somebody new and I still had a lot of feelings for her. While we had a nice time at the meeting and it was lovely to see her again, it was a setback for me. In the days after I found myself thinking about her more and would reminisce about old times frequently, and worst of all I would start to feel really jealous that she had moved on and I hadn't and it would only make me angry and frustrated.
If you still have feelings for him, the best thing to do in my opinion is to maintain your distance. Just say that you're busy and that you'll let him know when you're free to meet up. This puts the ball in your court. You can either see him at a later date when you are completely over him, or you may decide never to take him up on it. It will be entirely your decision.
All I would say is this - if you think there is a chance that seeing him will open up old wounds, don't risk it. Wait until you are completely healed before you consider seeing him again.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (2 September 2011):
Bad idea. Why put yourself in a position that will lead to you:
a) being used.
b) being made a mockery of
c) could damage your reputation.
It's never a good idea to go back to the past.
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