A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello. I'm really screwed up. I'm in love with my best friend, and he claims to love me too, but I'm not sure what to do. Because we stay in two separate states, we haven't made anything official, until I move closer in around a month or two. We met online two years ago, and while i knew he was a heart-breaker/player who has many women when we met, he got past my defenses and made me care for him by first becoming my best friend, and then it escalated. The problem is, because we're in separate states, while I believe he loves me, he is a consistent flirt who has had many relationships with other women over the course of our friendship, whether we were making plans to be together or not. They never last, and he never strays far from me (we still talk almost the same amount and he tells me they're not serious.) But, while they're going on it breaks my heart because he treats them like they're his girlfriend, while I'm always in the background watching and hurting. Right now, he's spending the weekend with the current girl who he's wooing and her daughter, and I'm trying not to go crazy. I've been faithful, and I know he's not exactly the faithful type, but it still pains me. Whenever I tell him we should just be friends and I;ll find someone else, he tells me it'll be better when we're closer, and he doesn't want me to be with anyone but him. I love him, but I don't know where to go from here. I'd really like a male's point of view on this one.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, SillyB +, writes (24 September 2010):
 REad the books "he's just not that into you" and " why men marry bitches". It'll help with your grief, how to be treated by a man and explain the red flags. What you are seeing is the mother of all red flags. Now its time to treat yourself with respect and act accordingly.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (24 September 2010):
You wanted a male point of view. Here goes.
- He doesn't love you. At all.
A man who loves a woman and knows she loves him doesn't see other women. He's making a mockery of you. He keeps you around as an ego boost, whilst seeing all these other women. At no point will you two ever work, because that's not what he wants. Stop allowing yourself to be controlled and played by this man, and find a guy who will commit. In no way does he want a relationship with you, or anyone else for that matter. He just wants a load of women all falling over themselves for him, which is exactly what us happening. You knew he was a heartbreaker/player, and you've been at this for two years and you've got nothing. Time to move on, permanently. Better guys are passing you by.
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