A
female
age
30-35,
*olaBolla
writes:There's this guy in my class whose a notorious player. He's systematically made out with like every girl I know, and has no reservations about being completely physical with a girl he just met. He's cute, charming, and has a killer sense of humor, so it's no wonder he's always the center of attention at parties.I always catch him staring at me though, and I'm the only girl he's hesitant about being touchy feely with. I tripped and he caught me once, but he instantly let go, and looked away. If I eveer compliment him, he blushes (this coming from a guy who has no concept of shame). There are signs he genuinely cares about me though; anytime someone mentions me being sick/ hurt/ angry he's suddenly much more attentive, even if he's across the room. He seems to really enjoy having deep conversations with me too.I started ignoring him though because I don't want to be just another flavor of the week, and suddenly this guy gets absolutely furious. He started dragging girl right in front of me and making out with them-- I still didn't show emotion. Eventually, it seems he got really hurt, to a point where he stopped flirting with girls and even stopped drinking (this guy downs vodka like all the time).Is he genuinely changing? Or will he revert back to being a pimp the second I stop being a "challenge"? Is this all a facade?
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female
reader, xanthic  +, writes (28 September 2010):
 He's acting that way because you're acting disinterested, which I'm sure he's not used to. You're a challenge to him, and considering he's known to be a player, I'm guessing all he's interested in is conquering that challenge.
He's not going to change, especially if he's still playing the field and making out with other girls right in front of you. Don't consider it as anything more than him trying to get your attention and eventually add you to his list of conquests, because chances are that's all this whole thing is about.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (27 September 2010):
Of course it's a lie and a facade. How else do you think he got those other girls? He treated them well at first, then used them and abused them and left them hurt. Same will happen to you. It's an absolute fact that those who are the centre of attention at parties are more likely to be abusers and users.
Don't ever make the mistake of thinking that someone will change for you. They won't. They will change for themselves, and it will take years. This guy is a player. That's what he is. And he's still young and no doubt will do a lot of playing.
Don't waste your time on him. You know how this guy is, you know how he uses women. He will do the same to you.
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A
female
reader, DanceInTheDark  +, writes (27 September 2010):
 Honestly, it's probably because you're a challenge. Men love challenges.
And you have to keep in mind, he could change if he met the right girl. Doesn't mean it's going to be you though.
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