A
female
age
36-40,
*oulou24
writes:Hi this is my first time using this and i stumbled on it looking for some answers to how i'v been feeling, to sum it up im currently feeling a bit like that song by katie melua closest thing to crazy!! Basically ive been with my boyfriend for almost four years, we live together and have spoken from very early on about planning a future together and would have made a very strong commitment to one another from the start of our relationship and being honest to begin with he was the one most adamant about this being a life long thing and was quite insecure about me not taking the relationship seriously and he made many sacrifices to be closer to me, such as giving up his job and getting a new one near me and really pushed for us to move in together etc. However recently approx 3 months i have noticed a change in him i.e. he has gone on a big health buzz and lost a lot of weight and is obsessed with being toned etc (he was never like this before) also he seemed disinterested in me which is strange cos this guy was a hug a minute kinda person, i have found out a few small lies i.e not being where he said he was, he is glued to his mobile and the worst of all i found messages on his phone from a girl with xx at the end of messages however the messages themselves do not suggest there was anything going on, he claims she is a family friend and that she puts xx on all messages?? Am i a fool? I feel so insecure and i cannot believe im feeling so crap with someone who promised me that he'd look out for me and that i was his one and only iv tried talking to him and he says i must be going mad, i know if hes telling the truth my crazy behaviour must be pushing him away. up to this point i was quite level headed person who could put things in perspective but im starting to feel like a paranoid 'psycho' these day questioning everything, down on myself and generally just not happy help!! p.s i cant talk to friends and family im one of those people who like the whole world to think everything is great in my life!!
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (26 November 2010):
As the other posts say, there are signs that he is cheating. I'd confront him.
A
female
reader, largentsgirl89  +, writes (26 November 2010):
 Trust your instincts. If you think something is going on, then go with that. If you think he is cheating on you, then you can snoop and find some solid evidence (if there is any to be found) and then confront him. Or you can just confront him about it and see how that goes.
Make a decision about what you will do if you find out that he is cheating. Are you going to stay or will you leave? Most women who think their significant other's are cheating on them, think they are being "paranoid psychos" but in all reality, the woman is usually right. But there are some cases where the woman is wrong.
He is showing all of the classic signs of cheating though.
Confront him. Don't be accusing of him, just tell him why you feel the way you do and ask him why he suddenly changed his behavior. He could just be on a health kick.
Good luck. Keep me updated okay?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2010): well? he stopped being sweet and close..he's tone and texting. Yeah, somethang is sour.
Fours years is long enough to have pledged yourself to him.
Beyonce - Single Ladies (Put a Ring On It)
listen to that marry little tuNe xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2010): I think you know what's going on. Its call woman's intuition for a reason. It happened with my boyfriend of 5 years and I finally caught him. There is not a gut check that is going to prepare you for what you will find. I would say this ....in as conversational as it can be... Just say to him what you think and say its not worth your sanity...if he won't admit to something then say "I am on to you, if I get a private investigator I will" or throw his ass out and tell him you would like to see other people! Pack up his stuff and let him figure it out. But please know your worth, know your value and that there will be a guy who wants to give you that love. No one is worth losing your self-esteem or sanity over. As much as you may love him, if he doesn't respect you then you have to keep a steppin' (If it gets really bad, and you can't sleep then go to your doctor and have them give you something for anxiety ....depression may come, so watch for that!) Good luck and follow up with me and let me know what's up!
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A
female
reader, Zuie +, writes (26 November 2010):
You poor dear. If you ever want to talk one-on-one send me a message on this.There are definitely some red flags there, and it was brave of you to talk to him about it, but it seems that rather than hear you out he seems to have disregarded what you were saying. For you to have gone through his phone you must be in a really bad place. I'd imagine that you want to believe him but are scared to because of these signs.Looking at them individually they not bad. Him getting fit and healthy is going to benefit both of you (unless you're in to beer bellies), since the texts seemed innocent this girl sending x's probably doesn't mean anything (I would personally only care if my guy was sending x's back), him seeming to be using his phone a lot more may just be your perspective changing, though there's nothing bad there in and of itself. If he's doing it in front of you and didn't flip at you for going through his phone then it doesn't seem likely that he's hiding something.You have been together a while and you do seem to have moved somewhat fast, as though there was some urgency or need for him to move closer to you and then move in with you. The pursuit is gone for him now, and that may be why he seems distant. Lying to you about where he is is a bit off, but what are you doing, asking him where he is all the time? And how are you finding out that he's lied? If it's from him then that's hardly covering his tracks.The biggest issue here might just be that he's comfortable with you now, and being used to all this attention and affection from earlier you're scared by that, and you're beginning to worry that it's something else. Though with different information I might think otherwise, you'll know yourself from how you feel by reading that explanation that no, that's not it.Regardless of what it is, if he's becoming distant from you in any way, you getting needy and clingy and questioning is going to work against you. If you can, try to focus on yourself and your friends and family. Make sure you have a full and satisfying life outside of your relationship. Think about what you want and need from a partner in general and then see if this new side of your boyfriend matches up. If you need a hug-a-minute guy then you'll both need to put effort in to sustaining that high level of affection.All the best, I hope this helps you in some way and that you can figure out your situation soon.
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A
male
reader, TryingVERYhard +, writes (26 November 2010):
from the outside looking in....you have every right to feel uncomfortable....when people change their behavior suddenly, its a sign of something...what that something is, is the challenging part...im a communication NUT and believe that one must be very upfront and honest at all times with how they feel...you should create some type of dialog where you can SAFELY and NON-ACCUSINGLY express to him why you feel the way you do. That conversation and his willingness to accommodate your LEGITIMATE EMOTIONS will be a huge indicator of whats going on. You OBVIOUSLy love him, and even if you hear something you dont want to, or if you he tells you what you want to hear BUT continues the ACTIONS that caused it in the first place, you will have even greater challenges ahead. When the one you love isnt loving you back the way you want, leaving is STILL an incredibly difficult thing...but first, its gotta be COMMUNICATE....then go from there...best wishes
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A
female
reader, CheatedandLiedto  +, writes (26 November 2010):
If you feel something is amiss...There probably is. There is no way to deal with this but confront him.
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