A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:For some reason, I have a strong desire to be in an abusive relationship with a guy. I want to be hit, thrown to the ground, or pushed into a wall. I'm not sure if this is normal or not though. My boyfriend seems like the kind of guy who may do something like this, but at the same time he doesn't. He's very nice and always treats me right, but he knows I'm very submissive, so when we're kissing or something, he likes to pull my hair, put his hand up to my throat while on top of me, pin me against a wall, or hold me against a counter. I love every second of it, but.. I want more. I want him to hit me in the face, throw me around, or throw me to the ground. I'm not into dominatrix or anything.. I find no pleasure in pain, so I don't want this for sexual purposes, which means I don't only want it when we're kissing. I don't know the reasons for this. All I know is that I just really want it. I had been reading up on some possible psychological affects from growing up without a father (my dad has never been in my life) so this may have something to do with it, but I'm not sure. Anyways, I want him to know I want to be hit, but being as shy as I am, I find it may be awkward and he may think I'm a little lost in the head.. What should I do? Also, could you please tell me if this is normal? Thanks.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2017): It's pretty normal. I enjoy it when people treat me like s^^t too. However I enjoy pain and getting hurt.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (12 September 2011):
 I get the BDSM qualities of the relationship you are looking for.. but they need to be a well planned well mapped out part of your life... not random violence
I suggest you find a therapist to help you figure out if you are actually a submissive and into BDSM or if you wish to punish yourself for something else that's going on... one is acceptable one is not.
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A
female
reader, aldo1789 +, writes (10 September 2011):
It has something to do with “frustrated intimacy”. I also have a desire to be abused – stepped on, beaten, etc. - and it’s not sexual (apart from the fact that I would like a woman to abuse me). I’m in my early 40s and have never felt intimate with anyone in my life. Going all the way back to my parents I can’t remember a single person with who I was emotionally close. Somehow this unfulfilled desire to “be close” or make a connection is the root cause. In recent weeks these thoughts have taken on a darker dimension. It started when my wife began losing interest in sex. We just lay there now every night and calmly talk it over. One thing that came out was that she feels disgusted by the smell of semen. The strange thing is instead of getting angry or upset, I got extremely aroused by the fact that my wife generally finds me unattractive. I keep imagining her now with another man and I’ve told her about these fantasies. My wife doesn’t say much about it, and we are certainly not the type to try something “kinky”, but I can tell the idea is turning in her head. Certainly cuckold fantasies are not new for me; I’ve had them before with a previous girlfriend. Now they’ve become a full-blown obsession and I’m hoping for the absolute worst. Well there you have it, my pathetic story. You’re in pretty deep if you are thinking stuff like this. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (30 January 2011):
 hi
you know this is not a normal thing to want don't you? as you first noticed the wish for this in your childhood when you witnessed your mum suffering it i think you could use the help of a psychologist to get to the root of WHY you would want it to happen to you and then to help you to NOT have these self destructive thoughts any more. a certain amount of 'roughness' in sex is considered passionate and a bit animal-like by some people, but to want to be smacked in the face etc is wanting to be hurt and abused.
i only hope you can get HELP AND THERAPY for yourself before you find it this sort of relationship you are craving!
xx
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A
male
reader, Wholeness +, writes (29 January 2011):
No!! This is not normal. It would seem that you are struggling with self worth issues and have a need to be in a situation where you appear to be a victim. This of course has many different causes but I think the most obvious one is the best answer. Your father was never there for you, so subconsciously you are greeting a situation from which you would need to be rescued. It's not that you wanna be hit, you want to create a scenario in which it would be proper for a father figure to rescue you. This is your subconscious crying out for the love and protection of a father figure. Get some counseling before you create scenarios in which you cause great harm to yourself and the men in your life. You will create this scenario over and over subconsciously until you deal with your need for a father figure . It can destroy the men around you because you may force a situation in which you do end up getting beaten, then the guy goes to jail because he was with done one who has issues.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (29 January 2011):
 No, what you are describing isn't normal or healthy. Please ask for counseling before you are injured or maimed for life. Best wishes to you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2011): This is not normal, at all. It's not a sexual thing or S and M type thing, you just want to be beaten up.
You need to seek therapy, seriously, you could end up seriously injured or worse.
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A
female
reader, CourtneyAwesome +, writes (29 January 2011):
Hey mate! Okay no offense but i agree with the others you need to get help ASAP! I mean what the hell are you thinking? You know girls get killed because they are in a abusive relationship? You need to do some research because you have no idea what you're getting in to! I wish you the best of luck.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2011): Ok...you need to speak with some women who have been victims of domestic violence and see if you still like it. Maybe it is just a fantasy but it doesnt sound like a very healthy thing to act out. Maybe you should see a therapist and find other ways of chaneling this desire to be thrown around and punched, like kickboxing or something? If you make your boyfriend do it to you and someone is witness of this and reports it to the authorities he could get into serious trouble. If you then proclaim that you liked it and wanted it this may damage the credibility of other women who do file complaints of being fysically abused.Please don't do that. Seek counceling please
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have been hit before, but not by a boyfriend. And I know how awful it is because when I was a little girl, my mom had a very abusive boyfriend. I hated seeing it happen.. Yet I want it to happen to me. I don't understand why though! I don't want it to last a long time, like, once I've had enough I would leave, and I wouldn't let it get to the point where I'm in life threatening pain. I just wish I didn't crave this kind of relationship!
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A
male
reader, Liebes Kummer +, writes (29 January 2011):
I do not want to sound judgmental but, you need to see a doctor and explain exactly how you feel.
There are millions of women running away from physical abuse and there you are actually looking for it!
I have read and actually heard that there women who enjoy being hit; this is the first time i have 'heard' it from the horse's mouth.
Get help before you meet a real nutcase.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2011): If you want him to hit you, why don't you try a different approach, like pretending you've been a very bad girl and need to be bent over and spanked very hard. He can pull your hair also and make it a role playing thing.
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (29 January 2011):
 If your submissive this should be about sexual pleasure and should be done in the context of having an orgasm.
Yes, I understand your boyfriend loves you, treats you nice and tries to please you. He's doing what you ask him to, and your happy with your relationship.
I'm concerned, you want violence and pain when your out of bed. That doesn't sound like S&M or domination-submission. Yes, I think your right, you need a non-judgemental counsellor who can help you understand what is going on in your head and what this "need" really means.
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female
reader, melomat  +, writes (29 January 2011):
 You're gonna die how can you think things like that. I don't think you've ever been hit because you wouldn't want it. How many people do you know who've ended up dead because of such? You being shy to say it means it's wrong.
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (29 January 2011):
No. This is not normal. And you'll end up dead. You've already picked a man who will abuse you.
You need professional help, very quickly. This is not normal.
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