A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am married and my hb and I are separated, we talked about divorced already and that's coming soon.One month ago I sent him a email telling if there is anything that I can do to save our married, and he replayed saying not because there are a lot of things that he saw about me that he didn't like it and he said he doesn't want to tell me because he doesn't want to fight and is better if we can be "friends" after all.Since that day we don't talk for anything, he is living in differente country now, but he is coming in two months because we need to fix the divorce and all that stuff. In that email he said that he doesn't want any contact with me untill he comes to America. No emails, no skype no phone calls, nothing.The thing is, I feel that I need tell to him many things before we get the divorce. And I want to know why he said there are a lot of things about me that he didn't like it. Do I have to know all this stuff before the divorce? I am hurt with this situation and one part of myself wants to know but another part no.I am afraid if I don't talk with him about it , I couldn't move on...I feel I won't have peace.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk..we don't have kids...we didn't go well maybe 6 months ago...he decided to go to that country just 3 months ago, we have a friend there and he is in his house...he said that he needs some space and time and he didn't want to stay here.He calls my family often, I have a sister who was very sick last year and he talks with her too. He keeps the contact with my family, but not with me.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2011): If he's living in another country there is most likely someone else in the picture and he is concealing this, that's why he doesn't want contact with you, so she won't find out probably.
You need to get a lawyer asap if you don't have one. He may be a cheater and an idiot, but don't let him take you for a financial ride as well. Try to prove the cheating if you can. Good luck.
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reader, airwaterearthfirebender  +, writes (30 January 2011):
 Hi, even before reading CaringGuy's response the same exact thing went through my mind. Did he travel outside the country prior to all this happening? Does his job involve meeting many new people or foreigners? Does he have family in a foreign country? Had he gotten another job now that he had moved to another country?Look back and try to think more objectively. Put the facts together and most likely you will be able to figure it out more definitively. He doesn't want you calling or emailing because chances are he is lying and cheating with someone else and/or has lied about his status with you. As a result, he doesn't want this other party to find out. Either way, him telling you he has found out stuff about you is a load of crap. You don't marry someone and feed them this load of garbage when you want to part ways. That he feeds this to you just shows his character. You on the other hand need to respect yourself more and demand more. But at this point, it is pointless to fight for him, he is long gone and worthless. Hopefully you do not have children in the picture. He probably wants the divorce to go down this way so as not to suggest any wrongdoing (i.e., cheating) in the ending of the marriage. He's a douche, and you don't want this character in your life. Sorry, but that is the reality. He'll be the nicest guy ever only should his other interest fall apart. Come to think about it, how long has been going to this other country? For all you, he may have another family there. My suggestions to you:1) Stop being so naive and be skeptical of this soon to be ex husband of yours. You need to get into self preservation mode. Get your ducks in a row before you let him know anything of what you will/should be doing in terms of you coming out of this divorce intact. 2) Get yourself a good lawyer...fast...and make sure you get what's coming to you in terms of matrimonial assets if he hasn't already taken them away or you to the cleaners. 3) Even if it is too late, the lawyer may be able to force your 'husband' to play ball if he ever plans on and/or needs to be able to travel freely to your country. Again, make sure you get a good lawyer. Seek help of people you trust if necessary and/or if you are not learned and/or sufficiently confident in going at it alone. Just make sure you get what is coming to you if there is anything to be had. I'd love to know what comes of your situation. Keep us updated as there is plenty to be learned here. Thank you and thanks for posting your situation.
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reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (30 January 2011):
In my experience, when someone says "there are a lot of things I don't like, but I won't tell you", it means that they're hiding something big.
I very much doubt that this is about you. If you want the truth, I think you might find that there's another woman involved.
That said, it doesn't sound like you'll get the closure you want. So perhaps you should stop looking, and instead focus on getting counselling or something. I just don't believe that you can be at fault. If you were, he'd take the time to tell you. Since he's not, I'm going to say that he's left you for someone else.
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