A
male
age
41-50,
*p-boy
writes:hey , well I am in a great relationship with my girlfriend had ups and downs but we talk about our problems which I thin maes us strong. I am the kind of guy who believes in plain speain and no lies as I hate liars. Anyways my girlfriend and I have obvo got a great sexlife and so because we are a serious couple we know we can trust one another so at times condoms are not used until when needed if you get me . but When she first suggested we do it like that I was unsure as you would but she said cause I was her first serious boyfriend I would actually be her first sex without condoms.Well she had we issue at the docs n they said bout protection n past well did I get a shock whn I found out she has had unproted sex in the past . I over reacted obvo bout stds n what not but she then said she already told me . which is not true . my friends are saying she might be ashamed which i understand but the fact she said I was her serious boyfriend , and would be her first partner without codomes . well it realy got to me and I cant stop thinkn bout it . Advice please I love her butits this thats now realy got to me I have changed my lifestyle and been realy honest to her . thans guys n gals.
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condom, liar, std Reply to this Question
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female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (30 January 2011):
 hi
she lied. so she had a reason for lying (embarrassment for stupid mistake in the past) but the fact is - she lied.
she should've NOT made a point of telling you that you were the first unprotected, she didn't have to go into detail unless of course you would've asked.
there are different types of lie: ones that are told to deny something we are asked about and the other sort is fiction that is just volunteered without being asked the question in the first place. so yes, i would be wary of her in the future if i were you
xx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2011): Im not normally so harsh, but she put your life at risk. You said no at first (if I read correctly) to having sex without condoms and she basically LIED and told you that your were her first without a condom.
This is a terrible, terrible thing to do, especially to someone you claim to love and care about.
I hope you got an STD check up and really think about if you want to stay with someone who would risk your life like that, just to save face.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2011): The fact that her past made her want to lie is not your problem. You didn't give her that past. You have no obligation to keep dating a person with a past that you don't like.
She lied to you about the STI risk that she was exposing you to. That is a great reason to be angry and not trust her.
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A
female
reader, PatientlyWaiting1  +, writes (29 January 2011):
She should have never voluntarily lied to you. That is absolutely nothing to play with. She was very wrong and you need to let her know that and be serious about it because she is playing with your life. In the future handle a situation like my boyfriend and I did. We discussed having unprotected sex and we both went to our seperate doctors and were tested for everything. We then exchanged our medical papers. I am at ease because I do not have to wonder if he has given me a disease. No problem with moving on with your relationship but be sure she knows never to lie to you again. With situations like this it is best to put your foot down completely and be a bit harsh because it is VERY SERIOUS.
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A
female
reader, fi_the_tree +, writes (29 January 2011):
 If you are worried about STI's then both of you should go and get tested. If your results come back negative, then you know that you are both safe and can try to move forward. Just tell her calmly that all you want her to be is honest and loving with you. It's not too much to ask. Don't be aggressive and start shouting at her, as this will only upset her.
Good luck!
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A
male
reader, Dr.LanceMerryweather +, writes (29 January 2011):
 I agree with CaringGuy up to a point but as I read it, it's not that you're NOT the first she's had unprotected sex with - it's the fact that she LIED about it. As such, I can fully understand your concern.
If she lied about that, what else has she/ will she lie about? Could be the thin end of the wedge.
She knows how you feel about that sort of thing yet she lied to you anyway.
I'd very seriously consider ending this relationship for you may never feel able to trust her again, about anything. And that is no basis for a loving relationship.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, RebeccaMay +, writes (29 January 2011):
It's always really hard to find out that your partner has been lying to you. Even if she has done it to spare your feelings, it doesn't take away the fact that she has broken your trust. I think that you need to talk to her about it. Just stay really calm, don't get angry, just sit her down and tell her that it hurt you that she didn't feel that she could be honest with you, and ask her why she felt the need to lie. Maybe your friends were right and she was ashamed for some reason. Just make her aware that you need to hear it from her, she has broken your trust and she needs to fix it by being honest. I don't think you should break up with her over this, but relationships are based on trust, and she needs to know that she can talk to you. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (29 January 2011):
I think you'll find that she was a bit ashamed of what she'd done in the past. If this is something you can't take, you need to end it now. Otherwise you've got to drop it and get over it. This isn't something you have the right to hold against her.
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