A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi all, i need advice on break up. i want to stay healthy and strong. my girlfriend has recently dumped me and i feel devastated. how to cope? thanks.
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female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (1 February 2011):
 hi
make a list of her good and bad points (note if she has no 'bad points' then use the fact that she has dumped you and left you heartbroken)
keep busy with stuff you like to do or maybe even find something new to do, see your friends and plan fun things to do in the future, plan a holiday or a break with them if possible. it is good to have something to look forward to.
if you think you may have made mistakes which caused her to finish with you, do a bit of work on yourself to improve and avoid the same thing in the future.
but above all, know this: people can get over ANYTHING, it just takes time. at first you will grieve but little by little, so subtly that you don't even notice it happening you will be healing until one day you will find your self thinking 'hey! i've not even thought about her today!'
if this split is a permanent one; DO NOT do the following
ring her, text her, snoop on her social network page, ask people have they seen/spoke/ to her and has she mentioned you AND if any friend tries to get you into a gossipy conversation about her, just politely tell then that you would rather not, at the moment, do not go to places you know she may be, avoid if you can.
look after yourself physically: eat properly, if you have lost your appetite at the moment, just eat whatever you fancy, just to keep your appetite ticking over, drink enough water (good for your brain and mood - sounds silly - but don't underestimate this one!) get exercise, good for your mood, especially if you get outside to do stuff. don't use drugs or alcohol, they will leave you feeling worse.
try to avoid a rebound relationship, but if yo insist that you need this - be a good person and don't lead the new girl on or mess her about.
you will come out of the other side of this and that's a promise!- even if you cannot see this at the moment. and when you DO get over this it will leave you stronger
xx
A
male
reader, II_Seraphim_II  +, writes (31 January 2011):
Hey, I'm sort of in the same boat as you. I had a girl friend I really cared about and she dumped me and now is being real cold to me. What I've been doing is concentrating my energy on my own well being. Doing the things I enjoy, hanging out with friends, talking to family and friends. Its very important to have close friends and family you can confide in when it gets too bad. The last time I had a break up, my sister (best sister in the world btw :P ) moved in with him to ensure I would never have to be alone, until I was all better. Don't rush into any relationships or any such thing. Just realize that its just a phase you are going through and you will get better. You will meet a new girl who will make you forget about your ex-girl. Just keep your head up and take care of yourself. Also, dont plot revenge or act mean to her. Its really unhelpful and will just keep u in agony forever. Just get her out of your mind, by occupying yourself with doing the things you really enjoy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2011): What Caring Guy said but most importantly initiate the "no contact" rule.
Get rid of everything that reminds you of her. Block her on facebook, email and her delete her phone number, all gifts, clothes and picture you have of her, sort out what you want to keep and throw the rest away. Then put the keepers into a box and put them in the attic. Don't listen to any music you shared. Try and avoid places she might be.
No rebound and minimal alcohol is the right way to go and spend as much time with friends talking it out as possible.
Most importantly don't try and force thoughts of her out of your mind, let them be, they'll fade in time and as long as you take care of the basics, good diet, enough sleep and lots of exercise then you'll be fine.
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A
female
reader, Blonde68 +, writes (31 January 2011):
Try and keep your mind active, don't sit around with your phone glued to your hand in the hope that she may text or call. Consider it a new start and try and remain positive.
It is tough, but you will get through, and as each day passes your heart mends and you will become stronger. Time is the only healer I am afraid!
Good luck and hang in there... you will get through it... honest!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2011): Hi,
this may seem a little long, but it is going somewhere....
.....
Im 31yrs. old and have been married for 1 1/2 happy years now. But it took a lot of nasty breakups to get there.
I've dated, about 30 diffrent women in my lifetime.
(from 17-27, then i met jane and we dated for 2 wonderful years)
Thats 30 too many for me, cause i never broke up with any of them. I cared for them deeply, and they would leave.
It would hurt everytime. 3 of them i was long time freinds with, and those hurt the hardist,cause i lost them as freinds too. we never really got that back, but i still care deeply about them. :(
I reamber one of the last break up was the worst, we were engaged and she called it off. After i had given up a Great Job, and a good apt. to be with her. then, my good freind at teh time started dating me( i should have been stronger and waited)and dumpend me only 2 mo.'s later.
I was in a bad way, thought aboout suicide.(that was the dumbest thing i ever thought about) i could not sleep, and when i did, i could not wake up.
I found though, that what got me through all of, was
1)find a way to vent.( mine is music,singing,and skateboarding
2)work. i mean, work hard. go chop down a redwood and make firewood, work with a roofing company.WORK. Do somethign manly, that makes you feel needed as strong man.
3)freinds, dont shun them out. as the scriptures say:
a freind in need is a freind indeed(or something like that)
4)be selfish a little,delete there phone number,leave them alone, get on with you life and have a great time. dont call them. leave them a lone. if they love/like you. then they can call you to see how you are.
Use that money you were spending on the dates, to go do something you enjoy,
a concert,a 3-D movie, an awsome exp. dinner. clothes, whatever makes you feel better and gets you through the slump.
5) time heals the wounds(trust me its true)
6)i know this is one hard may be hard. but, dont regret it.Those exp. points you gain will make you a better person when for when you meet the one you deeply love.
7)never give up, you'll back and be glad you did'nt.
well the last 3 are just little reminders.
but i did find that what worked for me the most, was to
work hard, but all my energy into something manly,
I volunteered in new orleans after Hurricane Katrenia, it felt great!!!! thats actually, where i met my wife and then almost 4 years later. married!!
Seriously, you never know who you'll meet, when you get busy living.
Hope this helps you out.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (31 January 2011):
Last time I got dumped, I spent as much time out doing stuff as possible - whether it was with friends or alone. Just avoid too much drink, and don't have a rebound. Spend time doing whatever you want.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2011): Firstly, allow yourself time to feel the agony, it is part of the process of getting over someone. There is no magic bullet here sadly. Then distraction, keeping busy so you can push any negative thoughts to the back of your head can help. Do not get in contact at all, (particularly looking at Facebook etc)and try not to get in situations where you'll see her till you are stronger. You will get over it, time actually really does heel, though that is the long game.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2011): Sink or swim my guy.
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